to allow my ds the day off next Thursday

[dingit]

It's end of term reward trip to Thorpe park. Ds received letter saying he qualified to go. We had to send in reply slip, then names were pulled out of hat, they didn't have enough tickets for all.
So ds is not on the trip, and was naturally upset. Unfortunately all his friends were laughing at him which made it worse. The kids not going go to school as usual. He also has to go to school this Saturday for a science ca.

He says he's not going in next Thursday. I'm inclined to agree with him, but on the other hand am I giving out the wrong message?

I've already emailed school, asking why they do it like that. Surely it isn't difficult to just send offers for the amount of places they have, then start dishing out reserve places.

dingit, theme parks are a last day of term treat for all DC at my DS's school. My DS doesn't like theme parks and so I just say he is ill on that day.

I think your DS's reward system is seriously flawed - if they have earned the reward, then they should be allowed to go, not just be put into a raffle to go. That's really unfair.

No, he's at secondary so it will be about 70 left behind.
Hoping he's in a better mood tonight.

The poor Dd left behind for a week

Thanks Bigtilly! Trouble is he's quite good at pulling a sickie anyway. I don't want to encourage him

"Done on attendance"

Ah, of course it is. So your child is essentially in the same boat as all the kids who didn't qualify for the "reward" in the first place through no fault of their own (sickness; hospital appointments; chaotic home life; being young carers etc).

The issue with the system - and yes, it's crappy - for me, goes much deeper than the fact that there aren't enough places for all the lucky 'deserving' kids to go. And no, I wouldn't be keeping my child off school in these circumstances.

Well, I wouldn't feel guilty - it's crap on the schools part. He would have missed the day on the trip anyway.

I appreciate it's not quite the same, BUT I work for a university: when we run trips, we are not allowed not to let everyone go who wants to (which can be a bit of a bugger - our nearest airport doesn't have a plane big enough for one of our European trips, so it means a coach for hours to the SE, plus an overnight in a hotel!) AND we are not allowed to charge the students ANYTHING to go (so that no-one will miss out for financial reasons). I realise school isn't the same, precisely - but our students are adults and nearly all have jobs: yet we fully subsidise these trips, and it doesn't come from student fees (which anyway don't cover the costs of educating students, even without an overseas trip) but from out of the money for staff research/development. You'd have thought schools could organise themselves better, seeing as universities are the most disorganised, inefficient and chaotic places on the planet...

Similar has just happened to ds1, who is 13. I made him go to school.

The school did a museum trip for the most able to reward their efforts. Ds1 was told by his teacher he'd be going and then they had to recalculate numbers so he missed out. Fair enough, but the school didn't tell him so he was confused and waiting for his letter. To make matters worse his brother got to go and ds1 is an extremely high achiever and very hard working and well behaved, so in his black and white thinking, he should have got a place.

I sent him to school, but I wAs cross with the school for not making it clear he wouldn't be going and why, and did email about it.

I'm not sure I agree with these trips anyway. I think they can be quite divisive.

So ds has come home and said hoy stood up in assembly telling them off as loads of parents have emailed in complaining. I wonder why?
Ds has said he is not going to school, so how am I going to make him ( especially as part of me agrees), when he is a lot bigger than me, I couldn't even drag him?

That system is ridiculous. If he were mine I think I'd agree and let him have the day off. Poor child. Isnt hoy making it worse by doing that? They'd get a second complaint from me as a result...

Dingit, you HAVE to make him go now - your child does NOT get to hold you to ransom. If you give in now, what happens the next time he doesn't want to do something? Or when he doesn't want to go to an exam? Or when he doesn't want to get a job/go to work/pay his bills?

Say "Don't be ridiculous, of course you are going to school"

Don't let him know you feel this way.

Sadly he already knows how I feel!
I will however try and make him see reason. If he is made a prefect next week ( fingers crossed) does he want that taken away? I will also buy him his new Xbox game which he's wanted for ages as his reward

FGS, just because a parent feels the school is making a stupid mistake and decides to let them miss a day when they should have been out on a trip anyway, does not mean that the DC is holding them to ransom!

It is NOT the same as not wanting to go into an exam or whatever - he has not been allowed to go on a reward trip despite having earned the right to go on the trip because the school is too stingy/poorly organised to enable all the students who have earned the right to go.

And I am a teacher FWIW!

That's shitty. I would keep him off very happily.

I'd give him some money and drop him off down there and let him go in with his mates. School would probably be less than pleased but so what. Can you get there easily by rail or bus?

So, last year when he went, did he come home to you and say "mum, this is unfair - I feel bad for the kids not going, do you think I should raise it as being unfair?"

I suspect not.

All the kids know, the reward is not the trip, it's the chance for the trip.

If there's something unfair, it's that they don't ensure those who qualified last year and didn't get it, get an automatic place this year.

If he's threatening not to go in, you've trouble on your hands there - not such a good boy deserving rewards.

I would not buy him a game for this!
I'd buy him a game if he drafted a proposal for the school council or head that suggested a fairer system.

As for you not driving on the M25... Get some lessons!

Schools shouldn't offer trips unless they can accommodate everyone.

Well thanks for your input cabrintha. Of course he didn't think of any of the others, same as the other kids didnt this time. They are kids, intrinsically selfish.
As for ideas to do it better, the school have already had that from me, it's not rocket science is it?
I was buying him his game anyway. As for driving on M25, I didn't ask for your option on that did I?

Opinion, not option.

Sohow, I totally agree. It is not much of a reward to be just "getting the chance to be entered into a draw to win a reward" - certainly wouldn't motivate my teens

It's been badly managed - but you cannot have your son telling you he won't go to school! I do think now more than ever you have to stress that you're not supporting this and that if he does not go - disappears on the way or something - you will not be writing any absence notes, you will be extremely angry, and certainly not buying xbox games!

If parenting ends the minute they're too big to overpower, I think you're in trouble!

I mean, you will not be buying him this game if he bunks off - which if he does, you will not support or endorse! Is what I'd be saying.

Schools do annoying things all the time IME - you can't just truant out of sour grapes every time!

My opinion as he got to go last year... He already knew and understood he might not get the option to go..

So yes not the greatest incentive to work but yes I would send him.

The fact he said how are you going to make me would make sure he does go..Yes you can't physically take him there but he doesn't get to decide if he goes to school. If my DS thought he could tell me you can't make me and I didn't, I imagine he would then push his luck on everything.

Yeah I know, what I meant to say is he gets his game if he toes the line! We will work through it together I think. I want my kids knowing right from wrong!

What an awful awful awful system...

Be better off getting all the kids who have done well into the hall with various computer systems and letting them wear their own clothes.

That just sounds bloody rotten to me

But.. I wouldn't let him tell you what he is going to do, he should go to school and as horrible as it is, we don't always get what we want in life.

But awful system I'm quite shocked

You also didn't ask for opinions from people about you sending him on the bus, or taking the train to Chessington, care to tell them off?

I'm serious - if it can't handle driving on the M25, you should get some lessons. They're not just for beginners - if you lack skills it confidence, they'll help. It's a useful suggestion (though it won't get your son to Thorpe Park)

There's no point in being snippy about it not being what you asked for opinions on, you know that threads evolve.

He knows the system, he got lucky last time. If he thinks he should stay off school this time then he's acting like a spoilt kid. Which tbf he's 14, comes with the territory. But you're not 14, so you should be sending him in, not pandering to him giving him the day off. He knew the system.