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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's have it tough

324 replies

Zenab1 · 16/03/2016 22:13

Hello mothers, so I had an incident which left me humiliated and angry today. I went to Chatham House, a policy institution in central london to attend a talk that was happening there. When I get to the conference hall, I was told that I was not allowed to get in with my buggy in which my baby girl was peaceful sleeping. Their main excuse was, it's gonna block the way in case people need to evacuate for emergency. I said but this information is not communicated anywhere on your website and I even called to double check and the person I spoke to said you are mother friendly. Anyway, they insisted that I leave the building because they won't let me in. I got so emotional and told them that was unfair as I came from a long way and the whole thing seemed to me some kind of discrimination. They escorted me out and told me that I should complain if I like to by sending an email. I felt so humiliated and degraded. Do you think this was right ladies, it happening in this day and age and in one of the worlds developed countries, that a mum should be mistreated like this for simple being mum?

OP posts:
LovelyBranches · 17/03/2016 14:44

MartinaJ

Are you saying that because we are mothers we should sacrifice the opportunity to develop ourselves in the first six months of our babies lives? Also you seem to be suggesting that when we return to work we should just pretend it never happened and be a 'professional'

Maybe we could try another approach? One which recognises that mothers have brains even in the first six months and that some may want access to events or even a chance to participate in a way that doesn't make them choose between a stimulating conversation and a baby. Why can't we have both?

Then, when we return to work, instead of acting like nothing's changed, lets encourage mothers, give a bit of extra support and understanding that there's been an enormous change to their lives.

curren · 17/03/2016 14:53

Are you saying that because we are mothers we should sacrifice the opportunity to develop ourselves in the first six months of our babies lives? Also you seem to be suggesting that when we return to work we should just pretend it never happened and be a 'professional'

As a parent (she wasn't turned away for being a mother) you have to accept that life changes.

Unless Chatham house can magically extend itself, there isn't room for a pushchair. She could have taken the baby out of the pushchair.

Sometime we all have to make accommodations when we are out and about.

My mum is disabled and can't sit in the seats near an emergency sort on a plane (or at least couldn't a few years ago). So she picks extra leg room in the middle where possible.

The OP hasn't been banned from doing anything intellectual until her child is older. Simply told they don't allow pushchairs.

LovelyBranches · 17/03/2016 15:01

Curren, the Op was escorted out! There was no discussion about packing up the buggy. She was escorted out of the building for having the audacity to attend a lecture with her baby.

Yes life changes but surely in 2016 we can do better than this?

curren · 17/03/2016 15:03

Why do you they think had to escort her out?

Why did she not say 'oh right let me take him/her out'

LovelyBranches · 17/03/2016 15:06

Stop guessing Curren, ask the OP if there's a point you need clarifying.

curren · 17/03/2016 15:10

I did, she didn't clarify.

From the op I got so emotional and told them that was unfair as I came from a long way and the whole thing seemed to me some kind of discrimination.

She was stood being emotional (angry, crying) whilst telling them they were acting illegally.

Of course they escorted her out.

You are the one making up that she wasn't allowed in because mothers are expected to only do non intellectual activities while on mat leave.

This wasn't discrimination and certainly not discrimination against mothers.

GlindatheFairy · 17/03/2016 15:15

I think some people have behaved appallingly to the OP.

It would have been perfectly reasonable to bring the baby in, in the buggy as well. I can understand them asking her to fold it if there was a space issue, but it doesn't sound like there wouldn't have been space. They were BU.

GlindatheFairy · 17/03/2016 15:18

Also I don't see what else the OP could have reasonably done.

She had bought a ticket in advance, she had phoned them and checked it was ok. Then they changed their minds. TWBU.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/03/2016 15:29

How do you know she was escorted out decently?

You don't perhaps she came across one of the less plesant security staff we all know exist and that's what she found degrading and humiliating.

It's not that much of a stretch given how shoddy their customer service appears to have been

FatherReboolaConundrum · 17/03/2016 15:32

I know the lecture hall at Chatham House, it is really tight for space, a pram woulld block an aisle.

Yes but they have a cloakroom area which could take a folded buggy. But like others I've never seen any children at Chatham House events. No reason why they should be excluded, though - they'd be a lot less of an irritation than some of the ill-informed, self-important men who turn up (thankfully a minority)

I'm very surprised that the OP was treated in the way she reports - in my experience the people at RIIA are very friendly and helpful. But if the OP got 'emotional', which I assume means rude and shouty, then I'm not surprised they asked her to leave, as their website makes clear they will do.

witsender · 17/03/2016 15:33

Pushchairs are neither suitable nor necessary in all circumstances...this isn't rocket science. Use something else!

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 17/03/2016 16:15

I've just been in & had a look at their website, & it looks like they do put a lot of their events online. There's a big multimedia bit with loads of audio & video recordings. Blimey, Nigel Lawson looks rough.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 17/03/2016 16:27

Also I don't see what else the OP could have reasonably done.

Not taken the pushchair and not likened it to a wheelchair

Auburn2000 · 17/03/2016 16:35

If there wasn't enough space for your buggy, fair enough. Especially in a small room in central London where there might potentially be an evacuation at any time.
But it sounds like when you phoned up to check you weren't given a helpful explanation. In particular 'Mother friendly' is vague.

Zen30 · 17/03/2016 17:12

To repeat myself, I don't think the pushchair was the problem. I have baby yoyo which is one of the most compact buggies around ( I am sure a lot of mums are familiar with it) and folds to a size that could easily be carried on the shoulder ( see attached image - hardly bigger than a laptop). If they asked me to take the baby out regardless how inconvenient that would have been, I still would have taken her out to enjoy the talk.

Mother's have it tough
curren · 17/03/2016 17:39

How do you know she was escorted out decently?

Because she says so in her OP. She didn't say they man handled her out of the door.

Which given her complaint I would have thought she would have said.

She says she became emotional said they were unfair and were discriminating against her.

curren · 17/03/2016 17:41

Zen why couldn't the OP have said 'I can take the baby out'

Because she didn't want to because the baby was asleep.

Well sometimes you have do the difficult thing.

Brummiegirl15 · 17/03/2016 17:51

Reading this thread with interest. My little one is 12 weeks old and I'm dying to do stuff like baby cinema, but I've not so far because I don't really have the confidence of what to do with the buggy.

My local Everyman cinema does baby club and I know from having attended films pre DD that it's not really buggy friendly. So whilst yes, it's baby friendly as they have baby screenings - it's not really set up to accommodate them easily.

So I've been out and bought a sling today after reading this thread and I can't wait to go to baby cinema next week. I absolutely love films and it's one of the things I've really missed because as a PP said, maternity leave is dull and lonely at times.

So this thread has actually given me confidence!

MistressMerryWeather · 17/03/2016 18:27

Is 'Mother Friendly' and official thing because I've never heard of it before?

If I were a receptionist and someone asked if we were mother friendly I would probably assume they were worried about breastfeeding in the venue. As it's the law I would reply yes.

Did you ask about bringing a pram?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 17/03/2016 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katarzyna79 · 17/03/2016 18:42

OP I think generally the uk is very intolerant of children, not to be seen or heard, even in child friendly places you can see the looks on some adutls, and tuts if a child so much as breathes.

But in this instance I think they thought your baby might wake up and disturb the talk?, you did say it was a serious talk, so I can understand why they said no. But why they didn't tell you no children allowed on the phone I don't understand, I would complain and leave it at that.

its true you are restricted as to what you can do with small children, but that comes with having kids.All you can do is get someone to babysit or pay for childcare. I need childcare and adultcare that isn't happening, maybe ill get alife in my mid 40s if I still have my health that is ;)

Slarti · 17/03/2016 18:58

YABU to take a buggy to a conference/talk.
YABU to assume only mothers push buggies.
YABU to assume we are all ladies.

Katarzyna79 · 17/03/2016 19:03

slarti no no no, you know why because she phoned to confirm if it was ok they said yes!, then she parted with her money and booked a ticket.

id be pissed off not everyone lives in that neck of the woods, if id travelled from midlands up there having been told it was fine and paid I wouldn't walk away quietly either

hefzi · 17/03/2016 19:10

Depending on the talk, the OP may not actually have had to pay for a ticket: a number of events are free. This isn't really the point, though - the point is that there is a difference between discrimination and being told that children's prams/pushchairs aren't allowed in a venue (which is what happened).

curren · 17/03/2016 19:18

slarti no no no, you know why because she phoned to confirm if it was ok they said yes!, then she parted with her money and booked a ticket.

No no no Wink

We don't know what she confirmed. She said the venue was 'mother friendly' that doesn't mean anything. So unless the op confirms what's she asked it's impossible to tell.

It could be that there will be somewhere for her to express breast milk. I am a mother whether my kids are there or not.

If she asked 'are you mother friendly' the Venue may have said 'yes we welcome mothers'.

But the OP had never said she asked if push chairs were allowed.

Mothers are allowed, babies are allowed. But not push chairs.

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