Mother's have it tough

[Zenab1]

Hello mothers, so I had an incident which left me humiliated and angry today. I went to Chatham House, a policy institution in central london to attend a talk that was happening there. When I get to the conference hall, I was told that I was not allowed to get in with my buggy in which my baby girl was peaceful sleeping. Their main excuse was, it's gonna block the way in case people need to evacuate for emergency. I said but this information is not communicated anywhere on your website and I even called to double check and the person I spoke to said you are mother friendly. Anyway, they insisted that I leave the building because they won't let me in. I got so emotional and told them that was unfair as I came from a long way and the whole thing seemed to me some kind of discrimination. They escorted me out and told me that I should complain if I like to by sending an email. I felt so humiliated and degraded. Do you think this was right ladies, it happening in this day and age and in one of the worlds developed countries, that a mum should be mistreated like this for simple being mum?

A wheelchair is not the same as a buggy but in this instance presumably wheelchair users could access the theatre ergo there is space for wheeled chairs so a buggy could fit.

It's not the same. There will be an evacuated procedure for people with limited/no mobility. There will be dedicated spaces for wheelchairs.

No one needs a pushchair. The space will need to make reasonable adjustments for people with disabilities. This does not include those with a push chair.

And there in lies the problem - it's an adult space and you wanted to take a baby in.

And mums are adults who need to be adult spaces from time to time and believe me if I could find a babysitter at the time, I wouldn't have dragged my baby all the way to central london.

no there was no need to be there. You wanted to be there.
Has there been a fire no one wants to pile out behind a woman with a pushchair.

The same as certain people not being able to sit near a sore during take off and landing on a plane, in case of emergency.

Tbh I even offered to stand right next to the door and not be seated and be the first one out in case anything happens because the event was only for an hour.

That's not how fire regulations work. I sympathise-it must have been annoying not to be allowed in but the reason sounds sensible, not discriminatory.

Op in case of a fire the last thing you want to do is be caught behind someone with a pushchair so im so glad they didnt allow that. You cant compare pushchairs to wheelchairs as in a case of a fire there be a procedure to follow. Greatbig is right its an space.

The same as certain people not being able to sit near a door

I hope this is a reality check for you in that having a child doesn't mean the whole world needs to revolve around or accommodate you. You have a bit of a 'poor mum' mentality where you think being a mother is the ultimate role in society. Nope doesn't work that way.

Im really surprised at the number of people who feel that the presense of a baby is inappropriate.
Both of mine went to conferences as babies. To a baby, learning language, its actually pretty engaging to sit in a quiet room watching one person speak at a time. Both mine loved it and Ive never had a negative comment. You just sit somewhere you can shift from easily and be prepared to leave if they start fussing.
Theres almost nowhere I wouldnt take a babe in arms tbh. My youngest has been on a two day work trip to the Houses of Parliament: she sat through a training session in the hallowed quiet of the House of Commons Library, got a bf in a meeting with special branch and stayed up all night for a steak supper and drinks in Strangers Bar! Im just glad I didnt start a thread on here: I can only imagine the comments that would have got!
OP: YANBU to take your baby to that event.
In future I would consider a sling if space is likely to be tight.

And actually, I think there is an issue for womens participation in public life if babies are excluded. Babies can be very dependant on their mothers and getting a sitter is not always possible. Both mine were breast fed bottle refusers for example.

There were almost a hundred babies at the last conference I went to - a major international interdisciplinary conference in the Humanities/Social Science/Psychology. I hardly even knew most of them were there other than to admire the slings...

We just default to "that's impossible" when it comes to facilitating women with babies in public spaces.

Mainly because, oh, I don't know - people don't usually take their children to professional research-based seminars? (I've also never had someone bring their child into any of my lectures, if that helps set it into context for you.)

Not only have I had babies in my lectures - well, the occasional one, usually a particularly engaged student with a childcare failure - but I have also given a lecture with my sleeping three month old son in a sling on my chest - ditto childcare failure at the last minute. (He behaved beautifully and I forgot he was there after a bit. Mind you, this was to undergraduates, not the inaugural Oxford Professor of Poetry lecture, or anything. )

But I do agree that the OP was being unreasonable in expecting to take a pushchair into a lecture theatre at a professional venue which is highly unlikely to be set up for that, and the melodramatic appeal to 'mums' and rhetoric about degradation and humiliation and mistreatment 'as a mum' is over the top.

I gave a public lecture once where there were loads of babies/toddlers. None of the parents (both mothers and fathers and, I think even the odd grandparent) removed them when they started making a noise, so by the end no-one could hear what I was saying. I ended up finishing it early and didn't bother with the discussion afterwards, which was a shame for the people who were interested and sat quietly and tried to ask questions. Ended up giving out my e-mail address so they could contact me afterwards. It was so rude and never again will I give a public lecture.

Op is English not your first language? You type very much like one of my friends whose from Ghana she came on here once used the same sort of phrases as you have never came back because of all the silliness of people pointing out the differences in her phrases and their own normal way of comunicating. I hope you haven't been put of by it (it would bother me as well if you have).

When I first came on here I had just had a fairly nasty brain injury and at the time MN was the only place I could comunicate in private with out using a scribe (well from my well Intentioned helpers and friends) and a few times I cocked up with grammar and a few other things lots of very wanky people displayed quite wanky behaviour over it,but lots of others called them out on it as well, it does get easier as you get used to it.

Anyway FWIW

It's incredibly annoying and upsetting when you enquire somewhere about being able to attend with a baby then get there and get told differently especially if you haven't been out and about much and getting to the location has cost money or taken effort.

Ive had it the other way round told babies were not welcome so facilitated and funded appropreate childcare got there to find about 10 other babies at the event and more than welcomed there.

Annoying and frustrating but quite unlikely to be discrimination. I would complain but I would complain about being originally told baby was welcome.

Yep this thread definitely gives MN a bad name.

You also have my sympathies OP.

Oh for goodness sake! It doesn't give mumsnet a bad name! What would give mumsnet a bad name is a whole load of women saying 'disregard everyone else around you and fire regulations because you're a mum so should be allowed to!'.

Penis beaker gave MN a bad name.

This thread doesn't.

Oh for goodness sake! It doesn't give mumsnet a bad name! What would give mumsnet a bad name is a whole load of women saying 'disregard everyone else around you and fire regulations because you're a mum so should be allowed to!'

That would be relivant if she hadn't have checked prior to obtaining a ticket and been told they were a baby friendly setting.

That doesn't mean she could keep her buggy up.

You should have been told but YABU, totally unreasonable to compare puschairs and wheelchairs.

Ofcourse it dosent but she also says that was not given as an option and in her opinion it was the baby rather than its transport that was the issue.

Granted she did not deal with it very well and she could have asked about it BUT basic customer service is explaining the policy or procudure and offering an alternative if one exists such as "we do not allow pushchairs in but if you fold and store it you can carry the baby in" if that was allowed, if it was not allowed then she shouldn't have been told she would be ok attending with a baby.

I'm shocked.

Op I think you are in the right.

Why stop you without looking at ways in which you could be accommodated. I would def write and complain and ime wheelchairs are harder to accommodate than buggies eg up and down steps.

Your mistake was to mention going to a Talk at Chatham House, the inverse snobbery of MN would have allowed a discussion on benefits at the local town hall, in that case they would have been behind you all the way.

Fold and hold?

In any case, my point was that this thread doesn't give mumsnet a bad name.

Your mistake was to mention going to a Talk at Chatham House, the inverse snobbery of MN would have allowed a discussion on benefits at the local town hall, in that case they would have been behind you all the way.

What utter twaddle. In any case, a discussing about benefits in a town hall and a talk at Chatham House are completely different anyway. Lectures and council meetings aren't the same.

I know the lecture hall at Chatham House, it is really tight for space, a pram woulld block an aisle.
As a matter of interest, why when you phoned did you ask whether the place was mother friendly rather than whether you could bring a baby in a buggy?

Exactly Paul.