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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's have it tough

324 replies

Zenab1 · 16/03/2016 22:13

Hello mothers, so I had an incident which left me humiliated and angry today. I went to Chatham House, a policy institution in central london to attend a talk that was happening there. When I get to the conference hall, I was told that I was not allowed to get in with my buggy in which my baby girl was peaceful sleeping. Their main excuse was, it's gonna block the way in case people need to evacuate for emergency. I said but this information is not communicated anywhere on your website and I even called to double check and the person I spoke to said you are mother friendly. Anyway, they insisted that I leave the building because they won't let me in. I got so emotional and told them that was unfair as I came from a long way and the whole thing seemed to me some kind of discrimination. They escorted me out and told me that I should complain if I like to by sending an email. I felt so humiliated and degraded. Do you think this was right ladies, it happening in this day and age and in one of the worlds developed countries, that a mum should be mistreated like this for simple being mum?

OP posts:
Lightbulbon · 16/03/2016 23:47

This is the kind of thread that gives mumsnet its vipers nest reputation.

Op you have my sympathies.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 16/03/2016 23:48

Not really lightbulb.

ilovesooty · 16/03/2016 23:49

Pointing out that the OP is being ridiculous hardly qualifies as vipers' nest behaviour.

PurpleDaisies · 16/03/2016 23:59

This is the kind of thread that gives mumsnet its vipers nest reputation.
Confused

People disagree with the op's take on things. It's pretty unanimous but I can't see anyone being nasty about it. Presumably the op wanted people's actual opinions not just blanket agreement. I've seen a thread fill up with real horrible unnecessary bitchiness but I'm really not seeing that here. Report anything you think is out of order.

theycallmemellojello · 17/03/2016 00:04

Why shouldn't someone take a baby to a lecture? Confused It might require sitting at the end of a row in case they cry but it's not beyond the bounds of belief. it does seem strange that they didn't have somewhere you could leave the buggy, if you wouldn't have minded holding the baby.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/03/2016 00:06

Tbh, I wouldn't be impressed going to a serious lecture and hearing a baby cry. However that's irrelevant here, the issue is the buggy.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 17/03/2016 00:12

Please don't assume that a buggy should just take over a wheelchair space.

As others have said, don't equate buggies and wheelchairs as they're really not the same. Especially in a formal, 'grown up' lecture hall which is primarily an adult space.

FattyNinjaOwl · 17/03/2016 00:13

It is a bit like taking your baby to the cinema and expecting to park the buggy in a wheelchair place, because wheelchairs can use them so why can't the buggy? And if you can't park it there, why can't you block the aisle with it? And who cares if other people have got babysitters for their children so they can go and watch a film without a baby waking up and crying? I'm a mother so I should be able to behave as if I'm not one and do what I want and claim discrimination if I can't. It's ridiculous.

Trollicking · 17/03/2016 00:17

I think you can take a baby to a lecture. I took mine to all sorts of places. and I left if they made a noise I think your mistake was taking the buggy - that was a bit daft.

You are also being daft to use the over the top emotive language.

ctjoy103 · 17/03/2016 03:50

How dramatic and ridiculous.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 17/03/2016 04:05

There aren't just mums on here. Or just ladies. Yabu for taking a baby to a serious talk.

This.

Plus please don't equate a pushchair with a wheelchair.

anklebitersmum · 17/03/2016 04:45

Look hunny, I wasn't allowed into my eldest son's nativity once because I had a baby in a pram.

I wasn't allowed into my DD & DS's Nativity because I had a baby. Not a pram in sight Shock I was 'lucky' and got turned away at the front of the school, before I had got seated.
The wicked old bat in charge headmistress would literally go 'baby hunting' in the seating area
"Is that a baby down there!?" she'd shriek, whilst pointing at whichever unfortunate Mum was trying to attend a class assembly "No, sorry, you'll have to leave."

I kid you not.

curren · 17/03/2016 05:47

If they can accommodate a wheelchair then why would a buggy be a problem

Please don't compare your buggy to a wheel chair. That is ridiculous.

They told you the buggy couldn't go. For them to end up escorting you out, you kicked up quite a fuss.

It's not discrimination.

Every parent has to make some adjustments when they have children. That's just how it. Life isn't just the same as before.

You do realise if you take your baby to something like this and it disturbs everyone else, you will be asked to leave again. Just like an adult who was being disruptive too?

AyeAmarok · 17/03/2016 06:37

A pram is nothing like a wheelchair. And the same rules don't and shouldn't apply. If you take one thing from this thread, make sure that's it.

HTH.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 17/03/2016 06:51

OP, YANBU for taking a sleeping baby to a lecture. I don't know why you're getting a hard time about that. I could never have done it with mine because he never bloody slept wouldn't have slept for long enough, and also wouldn't have sat silently on my lap, but a sleeping child disturbs nobody. I'd personally be delighted to see a mother with her (quiet) baby in arms at a lecture.

However, YABU about the buggy. Plenty of places buggies can't go, and that's mostly ok because there are other ways of transporting babies.

If you're saying that they advised you on the phone that you'd be able to wheel your baby all the way in, and then in the event they refused to let you, I'd definitely complain about the mismatch and the inconvenience it caused you. But it's not discrimination or anything, don't undermine your complaint with silly accusations. If you'd offered to hold the sleeping child on your lap instead and they still refused, I'd kick up more of a fuss. But it's ok for a lecture theatre not to be buggy friendly and not in the least bit comparable with wheelchair access.

Janeymoo50 · 17/03/2016 07:10

I'm pretty sure you were the only person that pitched up with a baby to attend a lecture. This has nothing to do with space, fire regulations etc, it's to do with the "appropriateness" of a baby at such an event. It's not appropriate.

araiba · 17/03/2016 07:12

I'd like to think the lecture hall was full of fathers with their babies in pushchairs

GunShotResidue · 17/03/2016 07:36

Is 'mother friendly' a thing? I've heard of baby friendly, but surely anywhere women are allowed is mother friendly.

If you used the same language on the phone as you did in your OP, it might explain the difference in what you were told and what you were allowed to do.

OneMillionScovilles · 17/03/2016 07:47

I don't understand why people think taking a (quiet, sleeping) baby to this sort of event is fundamentally inappropriate, provided that the OP was prepared to whisk her off the second she started crying / fussing. I would lose my shit if a crying baby ruined the event for me, but that wasn't happening when the OP was seeking admission.

OP, I have to agree with PPs that the buggy was the problem - but I can't get worked up about you attending anything you damn well please with a babe in arms ( ok, I'd probably rule out clubbing )

Sounds like a mismatch in communication - but I don't blame you for being upset if you were really looking forward to the event / had travelled etc.

Krampus · 17/03/2016 07:49

This is another media one isn't it?

greatbigwho · 17/03/2016 07:58

I do a lot with my baby that I did previous to having her - but some things just aren't appropriate and a lecture at Chatham House definitely isn't. Even if you took baby in in a sling whilst they're asleep, if they wake and cry you're still going to disturb people.

When you called, did you ask if you could take your baby in or if you could take your baby in the buggy in? Because if the former, they may have assumed you'd turn up with baby in a sling and could accommodate hat, but the buggy would block fire exits etc.

FankEweVeryMuch · 17/03/2016 08:14

I was going to suggest a sling to. I'm not with the whole 'babies shouldn't be there' brigade but I do believe that you need to find options other than a pram if you want to do activities that aren't geared towards people with small children.

duckduckquack · 17/03/2016 08:18

A wheelchair is not the same as a buggy but in this instance presumably wheelchair users could access the theatre ergo there is space for wheeled chairs so a buggy could fit. An individual in a wheelchair would trump a buggy but if the spot is vacant what's the problem.

curren · 17/03/2016 08:24

Is 'mother friendly' a thing? I've heard of baby friendly, but surely anywhere women are allowed is mother friendly

Exactly. I am mother wether my kids are with me at that moment or not. How do they know to be friendly to me Grin

Does that mean they are not friendly to fathers, grandparents, foster parents, nannies, teachers etc

Original poster
Zenab1 · 17/03/2016 08:26

Tbh I even offered to stand right next to the door and not be seated and be the first one out in case anything happens because the event was only for an hour. And mums are adults who need to be adult spaces from time to time and believe me if I could find a babysitter at the time, I wouldn't have dragged my baby all the way to central london.

OP posts:
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