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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

C-section

55 replies

vicarc123 · 16/03/2016 14:38

Hello,
My in-laws and in-law family don't like me much, that's life, I can live with it and I can't make sense of it. I have 2 lovely children. I'm now finished with having babies. OK, every time a new cousin is born they love sniping at me about the fact I had caesareans. First emergency one for pre-eclampsia/failed induction and second one elective. There's all the sly digs etc. So much emphasis is made on the successful birth being a natural birth. Anyone else experience this? It's hard partly because all these years later (my husband's siblings have only just started their families), being more experienced you realise how much more there is to parenting than which route the baby took on that one day. Anyone else experiencing this? Has the world gone mad, what is the big deal about natural birth?

OP posts:

leedy · 16/03/2016 14:43

Your in-laws sound hideously rude. Perhaps you should point out to them how grateful you are that you live in a time when it is possible not to DIE OF PRE-ECLAMPSIA through the magic of surgical birth.

Skinnydecafflatte · 16/03/2016 14:57

I had an emergency c-section first time and a 'natural' birth with DC2. No-ones gave me a medal either times, no one cares. The only difference between the two births was stitches in different places!
Don't worry about them, your children won't care and as long as they are delivered safely, what's the big deal?

Happymummy007 · 16/03/2016 15:02

As long as your children are born healthy then what on earth does it matter how they actually came into the world. I nearly died from very severe pre-eclampsia, and so had a C-section. DD was born early, but healthy. That's the ONLY thing that matters. Easier said than done I know, but I would try to ignore the jibes.

RaspberryOverload · 16/03/2016 15:08

My first DC was born by CS, due to developing pre-eclampsia.

2nd was VBAC, but quite frankly I'd have chosen a CS again if I'd known what it would be like.

As far as I'm concerned, a successful birth is where mum and baby are doing well afterwards, regardless of how they got there.

Your inlaws sound rather stupid if they think a natural birth is somehow superior.

Cinnamon2013 · 16/03/2016 15:10

There really are some idiots around. Hold your head high.

CurlyBlueberry · 16/03/2016 15:10

They are being exceptionally rude. I had two "natural" births and loved them but if I had had pre-eclampsia of course I would have taken a C-section over, you know, death It sounds like they are just using the C-sections to make digs at you to be honest. If it wasn't this it would be something else.

mrsjskelton · 16/03/2016 15:14

I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue. Until you've experienced an EMCS you can SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I can't stand this idea that you're not a proper mum if you haven't delivered naturally.

Oh yes, straight after my caesarean I returned the baby to the hospital because I'm not a proper mother.

LagunaBubbles · 16/03/2016 15:16

There isn't a difference, except to very odd people. Next time they say anything just ask them would they have preferred it if you if your child had died? Or ask them why it matters to them so much how your babies were born?

TheBouquets · 16/03/2016 15:16

I had all C.Sections and I got a lot of stick from various people about how I was lazy or too posh to push. Every one of those nippy types have landed a C Section. One has had natural and CS. She says the CS was the worst. I cant say I don't have any other experience. Planned was better than emergency that is all I know. As a PP said as long as both mum and baby gets through whatever and all ends up well that is the main thing.

RaspberryOverload · 16/03/2016 15:18

You can get induced with pre-eclampsia, as the key thing is to deliver the baby, but in my case they said my BP was already too high to risk inducing.

But I've come across other people saying similar things about having a CS. So these days I just ask people if dying is better than having a CS. Tends to stop people wittering on about "natural" birth.

Mind you, natural births are often anything but, as they come with interventions of their own in many cases.

curren · 16/03/2016 15:31

In my experience it's just another thing people can have a dig at.

People love to have a dig at parents and particularly mothers, in my experience.

But I have seen it the other way round as well, though not as often. My sil will claim she is a better mother for having a cs because that means she cares more about her child as she didn't want the child to go through the trauma of a vaginal birth.

But she talks bollocks about a lot of things. Sometimes I just roll my eyes and walk away from her, some times I tell her she is full of shit.

I have two vaginal births. My second came quickly and was poorly. No intervention, it wasn't a wonderful experience. It also Doesn't make me a better person or mother than anyone else.

tappitytaptap · 16/03/2016 15:39

I have a c section booked for next week as baby was breech - though midwife now thinks head down but could still flip! I have had a couple of really odd comments, one from a pregnant woman too, saying they couldn't think of anything worse....erm the baby being ill or in distress?!? Why on earth does it matter how a baby got here? I was genuinely shocked at some of the views.

Topseyt · 16/03/2016 15:55

Your PIL are talking bollocks. Ignore them.

Plenty of us wouldn't be here if our mothers had not had caesarean sections. I wouldn't be. My DD3 wouldn't be either.

I had two "natural" births (ha bloody ha) and one emergency c-section. I preferred the c-section and healed up much faster after it. If that makes me a shit mum in the eyes of some then I am guilty as charged and couldn't care less.

As someone already said, ask them directly if death would have been a preferrable outcome. Watch them squirm and stutter. It should shut them up, at least for a time.

Topseyt · 16/03/2016 15:59

Also, a successful birth is one that results in a healthy baby and mother, no matter what the method.

Threefaries · 16/03/2016 16:01

How awful, what nasty people. Be proud of your births.

teatowel · 16/03/2016 16:17

Ignore them they are talking rubbish. I had c sections because of chronic illness and my only regret is that I never experienced what labour was like. Mad as it sounds to those of you who had horrendous ones I would like to have known! That is my regret and has nothing to do with any one else. I only think about it once in a blue moon and it has not affected my ability to be a mother, in fact c sections gave me my only chance to be one!

Zaurak · 16/03/2016 16:20

I would ask them, in their considered opinion as obstetricians, exactly how they plan to manage a case of pre eclampsia.

Then I would flounce off.

Zaurak · 16/03/2016 16:22

Or I would laugh uproariously and say, "said no obstetrician or doctor EVER... Good god, you can tell you're not capable of being a medic aren't you, what a thing to say!"

Skiptonlass · 16/03/2016 16:27

Passive aggressive method I have used to great effect.

Serious face on. Talk, in serious, earnest tones, in as much technical, boring, squeam inducing detail as you can. Use the word vagina a lot. Maintain eye contact. Walk them through, in exact detail, what happens when you give birth naturally and you've got placenta and vasa previa, leaving no side line of gore unmentioned. Carry on way, way past the point of social acceptability

Works a treat

EnjoyTheSimpleThingsInLife · 16/03/2016 17:27

Just ignore people who make these stupid comments..all that matters is baby and mum are healthy!!

I've had 2 natural births, that doesn't make me a better mum than anyone else..

my SIL had an emergency c-section a few weeks ago, if she hadn't then most likely the baby wouldn't of survived. I would never even think of saying those type of comments to anyone.

memyselfandaye · 16/03/2016 18:56

What the fuck? People actually give thought to how women give birth? Really? I had a c-section, nobody has ever made a comment.

I honestly don't get it, its like breast v formula, why do people give head space to what others do with their kids?

OP In your shoes next time the inlaws make a comment I would very calmly tell them to fuck right off.

Headofthehive55 · 16/03/2016 19:16

Maybe you are over thinking it?
Perhaps they are pleased that she didn't have to go through surgery in order to have a safe birth. Maybe it comes across as she's performed better or something when they are just relieved.

Booboostwo · 16/03/2016 19:44

Didn't you know CSs are for those who are too posh to push as well as being major surgery no one in their right mind would ever choose?!

Ignore them, they are idiots. CSs save lives and are part of a woman's right to choose what happens to her body.

Notagainmun · 16/03/2016 19:48

Similar happened to me several times over the years. Both my DC were CS, pre eclampsia on first and baby in distress second. At one family BBQ DHs cousin had just popped her fourth and was goading me and I had one too many drinks so I told her that I was glad I didn't have a fanny like a bucket.

I was very embarrassed afterwards but DH still laughs about his cousin's face. She was shocked speechless and stormed off. I imagine I was talked about in horrified terms for months after but nobody has since had a dig at me and the DC are adults now.

whitehandledkitchenknife · 16/03/2016 19:55

How utterly rude of them. Damned good job I had a CS. Full labour, no dilation. I would have died in childbirth.
Ignorant idiots. Love Skiptonlass' suggestion.

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