C-section

[vicarc123]

Hello,
My in-laws and in-law family don't like me much, that's life, I can live with it and I can't make sense of it. I have 2 lovely children. I'm now finished with having babies. OK, every time a new cousin is born they love sniping at me about the fact I had caesareans. First emergency one for pre-eclampsia/failed induction and second one elective. There's all the sly digs etc. So much emphasis is made on the successful birth being a natural birth. Anyone else experience this? It's hard partly because all these years later (my husband's siblings have only just started their families), being more experienced you realise how much more there is to parenting than which route the baby took on that one day. Anyone else experiencing this? Has the world gone mad, what is the big deal about natural birth?

My elective section was so much better than my waterbirth.

No one gets a gold star for shoving a baby out of their vagina. It's not an achievement.

I don't get why people care. Surely a successful birth is one that results in a healthy mother and baby/babies?

I know people who've only had sections, I know people who've only had vaginal deliveries and I know people who've had both (I know one poor soul who had both with the same baby, that's an interesting story), luckily for all of them, they all had a healthy baby at the end of it.

Ignore them all OP, or go with some of the answers on here. Does your DH/DP pull them up when they're being dicks?

Ignore them - I have the same problem with my ILs, as I had a section due to PE and have been told I can 'do it properly next time' by my sanctimummy in law... I just asked them if they would prefer it if we had both died...

Ignore them. Just laugh at them. They are idiots.

They sound very tiring! Just rise above and ignore. As pp have said no birth is a walk in the park anda successful outcome is mum where mum and baby thrive afterwards. The method of giving birth is immaterial. I have had one rotational forceps delivery and one (quick) natural delivery. My dsil has had one emcs and one elcs. Both just happy to come through it relatively unscathed!

My sil clearly felt I was going to flaunt my home birth over her when she had a section. I was quite horrified that she would think that. It doesn't matter to me how others give birth, but I was delighted that I had a lovely home birth. That's why I think you might be mistaking her joy at her experience for criticism towards you?

I did matter to me how I gave birth, or rather how well I was afterwards..with my CS I was unwell fir a long time and was likely to have caused problems in the next pregnancy. So I was overjoyed to be well and have a well baby.

I think there is too high an expectation on mums to be to have a drug-free, intervention- free natural birth. My birth experience was quite different - I was induced, waters broke, developed Strep-B infection, labour didn't progress, followed by emcs. For months afterwards, I felt a failure and it didn't help that our dd was poorly after she was born, having been exposed to my infection, and spent a week under NICU care. Part of my feeling a failure was the result of comments by other new mums.

Now, of course, I don't care what people think. The main thing is that we both lived and all well in the end. Really, it's what you do after they're born that really makes you the mum that you are. Not the manner of their birth. As pp have said, ignore your ILs, it sounds like they'd find other things to comment on even if you did have natural births.

Well if they are handing out medals for bravery I think they have it the wrong way round. I had three "natural" births and one c.section and as far as I'm concerned I would far rather go through the birth than the section. Probably won't help much but have a medal from me. I had a hysterectomy some years afterwards and the funny thing is you are cut in the same place and yet you get waited on hand and foot and told to not even lift a kettle for weeks and yet 24 hrs after my section I was expected to lift a 9lb baby in and out of a cot and feed and change her. C.section mums deserve a bit of TLC not sniping.

I hate the way it's portrayed as if you choose! I mean some do, but largely it's luck I think. I've had several different experiences and not once did I sit down and think hmmm shall I go for the easy one or the one with a twist thus time...

It clearly has little to do with the mother or I wouldn't have had such ridiculously different experiences.

They sound awful, judgey and ignorant. I had an elective for my first and no-one has said anything, from reading on here I realise how lucky I am that they haven't.

Toria, how?? Mind boggling over here!

If you have a CS everyone will say Lazy, too posh to push, took easy route etc.....
But if you're discussing the possibility of choosing a CS it's always ooh so painful, stitches, awful recovery etc rubbish.

Both can't be true :)

2 totally by choice CS here - never had a contraction in my life - great experiences - couldn't care less what people think.

You delivered a child safely. Nothing else matters.

Just say straight out, that you appreciate that in their eyes you are a failure and that next time you'll try harder to die in the process of giving birth.

Their reaction will be interesting.

An acquaintance once said to me on learning I had 2c sections she would have felt cheated by having 2 babies without the 'birth experience' Felt like saying it's better than the other way round love which I had with my stillborn child My fil also upset me by going on at length about how well my sil had done when she had her baby by a vaginal delivery However he didn't mean to hurt me As I always say if men had babies it would not be such a competition!

I have never heard someone play top trumps over their type of birth, I can't believe this actually is a thing?!

They must be very insecure.

Tell them to mind their own business. Rude fuckers.

How old are you dc's?

Alasalas2, I was the same except I had three vaginal deliveries but found the section much harder to get over. Mind you I did have over 24 in labour first and a very rushed emergency section, it was grab the bed and run and my husband hadn't got a clue what was going on, he was just left standing there! I always wondered if it would have been better with an epidural, the other women on the ward who had epidurals did seem to do alot better than me.

I am sorry you have encountered such ignorant views OP. I never really understand why some people choose to focus on which bit of the body the child came from-surely the important thing is that s/he is here at all.

"My epidural and pain relief failed"

You too alas?
Not nice. Not nice at all.

I believe the response should be:
"Yes I'm so worried about all the cuts in the NHS, I was so lucky to have had my DC's when I did so that I didn't have to worry about risking our health over the price of a C-secton, it's terrible all this obsession with natural birth that leaves women in pain when there's an alternative isn't it?"