To split cost of big family holiday per person including children (not per adult couple)?

[piddleypower]

We are planning a big family holiday as a surprise for my parents. We are planning on hiring out a big farmhouse or similar for three days.

There will be:
Me and DH
DS & BIL with three children
DB & SIL with two children
Mum and Dad

My sister has suggested splitting the cost three ways i.e. between me, my sister and my brother (my parents three adult children). I don't mind splitting the cost of my mum and dad's accommodation between the three of us as its a surprise for them. But should I pay a third of the total cost when its just me and DH? My sister's family will be five people (2 or 3 rooms) and my brothers family will be four people (2 rooms). The children are all between 12 and 5 years.

Am I being selfish? Should we pay per person (including children) or per room, or should I just accept it and pay a third of the total cost?

Id agree - take out the first option.

Don't necessarily think you can guess the outcome of the vote. How depressing it must be to think that people are just out to pay the least they can get away with!

We go away with a group of friends ranging from singleton, couple, families of 4, family of 5 (us). Several options were suggested. We chose the one where we paid most because we had chosen to have 3 kids and there was no way it was fair to our single friend, or even a family of 4, to pay the same as us.

Similarly when we've gone away with my DINKY brother and SIL and my parents we've paid more as we have 2 rooms.

I wouldn't ever take advantage of someone kindly suggesting we pay equally when we are taking more space or eating more food.

Hopefully you can resolve this to everyone's satisfaction, OP.

Don't necessarily think you can guess the outcome of the vote. How depressing it must be to think that people are just out to pay the least they can get away with!

I don't think that "people" are just out to pay the least they can get away with. But in the OP it stated that the sister was suggesting she do just that, so my comments were addressing the situation expressed in this thread...not "people" in general

When we've done family holidays we either paid for the whole thing & invited them (before DC in the days we had money) or split per person including DC. The only person not impressed was the one with the biggest family strangely enough.
The shopping bills were something else!!

OP you sound lovely and generous but I will be if your siblings vote to split 3 ways equally, knowing that means you will be paying almost £200 extra to subsidise their additional room needs. Like I said up thread, I have dc, my sister does not, I would never in a million years think that she should bear the cost for the dc I have.

We're about to do similar. Me, DH + 2DCs, BIL+Wife, and MIL+FIL. DH and his brother had said that they'd share the cost of their parents holiday as its for their joint birthdays, which means that we will be paying for 5 and BIL will be paying for 3. That seems the fairest way, however the fact that we are paying for 5, means that we have to go for a cheaper holiday, if we were to split it down the middle, we'd all benefit from better accommodation/facilities etc.....

Per room.

But as has been said check how many rooms each couple wants before booking and sorting out the calculation.

So it would be perfectly reasonable to split three ways if each other couple had all their children in their room with them.

I'd put it to the vote - I like and trust my siblings!

If I were voting, I would do option 3) 50% per child. I think that's how it would probably shake down in our family.

We often go away with family or friends with and without kids.
We are totally upfront about money and say "7 nights somewhere in the West Country/ 3 nights in the Peak District. How much are you willing to spend and what's your minimum level of accommodation you need for that?"

Get back replies of £X if all in one room, £Y for two rooms, person 2 says £X but happy to share with Z if it makes it cheaper, other family says £Z but can add an extra £100 if it means person A can come...

It does boil down to whether you would be willing to pay more to make the thing happen, versus one of the families with kids not being able to make it. I know one distant family member is miffed that their offer of £50 for a week was met with "that's a shame, maybe next year" rather than offers to sub them!

IME the larger the house, the cheaper it usually is per room, unless you get a lovingly-restored mansion rather than a large rambling farmhouse.

I wouldn't ever take advantage of someone kindly suggesting we pay equally when we are taking more space or eating more food

That's very decent of you, but not everyone feels the same way and OP's already made it clear that her DS has (to put it kindly) perhaps not thought the matter through

This is why I like the option of paying per person, but with kids at 50%. It means families pay more but not too much more, and also means they can't be too demanding about what's allocated for the kids

As for considering the relative earnings of those with/without kids, don't even go there ... seems to me the whole thing's complicated enough without opening that particular can of worms

For me it would absolutely depend on financial situation. In our family it's normal to subsidiSe each other at times. If you have plenty of money and your siblings have less, I'd be happy to pay more. I wouldn't do this with friends, but family is different.

When we went to Center Parcs we split the cost per adult, even though we had to have a separate room for our 3 year old. To be fair the 2 and 3 bed lodges were the same price, but I still felt a bit cheeky so offered to split per room.

It depends on how the holiday let is being sold, per room basis, per room and board .sometimes you get free child places even in Britain .I'd split it all 3 ways or not bother going if money tight, if family are going to start nit picking then what's the point of it all hardly makes for nice family time together.

Per room. The other options would be unfair. If I were you I would love to treat my nephews and nieces but not by chipping in today for accommodation - I don't think that would get you many Best Auntie brownie points. I'd rather treat the by paying for something fun such as giving them a tenner each to fritter in a gift shop.

We just split between PE adult couple

Assuming there is a limited number of rooms with en suites I personally would be thinking of offering to pay more than the "average room rate" but I would expect one of the better rooms with an en suite.

In August we go on a family holiday.
Me and DH have 1 room + our 2 DC have 1 room.
SIL and her DH 1 room
MIL and FIL 1 room
BIL 1 room

We have 2 double occupancy rooms and are paying double.
BIL is on minimum wage and will have the smaller room, so we have agreed he doesn't need to contribute to food and drink costs.

If you do end up paying a bit extra for other people's children, then make sure you bag the en-suite room with King size bed!

Also the sister who paid more (because she has more kids) then felt they should get the best rooms. She is usually very placid so it was a bit surprising. Yes,I did feel they should pay more for three rooms than our one.
We did names in a hat for choosing rooms the nex time. We decided the dcs rooms & then there were the adult's rooms to choose. We by luck got drew the biggest one. Sisters then complained to mum that with a baby we should be in the room furthest away from the other rooms.
We don't holiday together anymore!

And don't forget to think that cousins can share rooms - if it's a weekend, they can share - often rooms have 2xbunks, which could take care of 4 of the 5 children - the other one might even fit on a mattress in the room too - depending on size of room. Bit of a sleepover feel.

If the age/genders of the children really doesn't work, or the trip is a week and everyone needs good sleep then maybe rethink.

I just know that with 3 children, when we go away with family the cousins all bunk in, each with their own bed, but not bedrooms for family as such (in fact mine often choose NOT to share with siblings, just as a change!).

I was just going to mention what Jenny70 said - will the children share? It's what i used to remember happening as kids - we used to love it! There was a fair age of range of us as well but it all worked out.

I think the reason you shouldnt chip in for the kids is because you are already paying for your parents - you cannot do both, unless you are on a very high income. If it were just you and the siblings and kids, then you could do something more, but you are already picking up a couple of ?hundred in covering the parents.

Stand firm and go for options 2 and 3.

Also, how old are the kids? Are they little or are they big hulking teens? If they are over 12, I would class them as an adult anyway.

I asked her pages back how old the kids where and whether they could be bunged in together.No answer.I think if your ds is going to be awkward the best thing would be a hotel,then its out of your hands.

OP said the children were between 5 and 12 yo.

I think you also have to be careful about assuming people's incomes.

A few years ago, at one of our big family holidays I was there on my own, and in the middle of some complicated property matters which meant I was actually skint. Really restricted on discretionary spending (to the point of never going out, eating a very basic diet etc etc) although I looked to the outside world, as very well off. The cost to me was the same as a couple, but there were various family 'discounts' - "Oh they're renovating a house, so not very well off,2 " Oh they have 4 children" so on and so on. I was really broke but because there was no evident thing making me look hard up, I paid full whack.

It was OK, I had a lovely holiday, it was great hanging out with all my cousins and so on, but it did feel a bit as though assumptions were being made about my capacity to pay in comparison to others' capacity to pay that were not accurate or fair.