To split cost of big family holiday per person including children (not per adult couple)?

[piddleypower]

We are planning a big family holiday as a surprise for my parents. We are planning on hiring out a big farmhouse or similar for three days.

There will be:
Me and DH
DS & BIL with three children
DB & SIL with two children
Mum and Dad

My sister has suggested splitting the cost three ways i.e. between me, my sister and my brother (my parents three adult children). I don't mind splitting the cost of my mum and dad's accommodation between the three of us as its a surprise for them. But should I pay a third of the total cost when its just me and DH? My sister's family will be five people (2 or 3 rooms) and my brothers family will be four people (2 rooms). The children are all between 12 and 5 years.

Am I being selfish? Should we pay per person (including children) or per room, or should I just accept it and pay a third of the total cost?

I don't have child children and still stand by my comment. I don't see all the fuss for a one-off event.

How about you all pay a third but the two couples with kids buy the food for everyone?

This always works for us. Maybe not completely 'fair' but 'fair enough'. Similar to nettletea we have adults = 2 points each and children = 1 point each. Total points in op's situation, excluding gps, = 17. Each family pay their percentage i.e op's family = 4/17ths, dsis's family = 7/17ths, db's family = 6/17ths. So if the cost of the weekend was £1000 then the costs would be £235, £413, £352 respectively.

orange why don't you just stop going on holiday with them then?

Silverduck does have a point so the cost per child should be 50% of the cost per adult.

Children are usually put in worse rooms than adults.

I will reiterate - it is a minefield.

^^this is bonkers

Meant to bo (sorry)

Why?

Flamingflume - I haven't said anything about getting calculators out at the end of the meal . FWIW I'm happy to chuck extra in at the end of a meal and I'm teetotal and often eat a smaller portion with no meat, no starter etc. I think part of my attitude comes from not being tight, I don't mind subsidising some kids, or the families that are most stretched, or the people that have the least income and so get a bit at people that want these people to pay the most.

As I've said, I don't do these kind of holidays any more, and a large part of that is experiences that go a bit like this:
me: Here's a nice converted farm building in a forest, 4 rooms that sleep 6 each, how about that.
them: ew, there's only three bathrooms. How about this place in the middle of an expensive tourist town, you have to pay half which is £2000 and one of your kids needs to sleep on a sofa in a hallway

To be fair to OP, it didn't sound that extreme with her example but if she charges per room and no rooms sleep 3 then the SIL is paying more per person then the adult couple. If OP pays £200 for two people, SIL will pay £600 for 5, 3 of which are kids. On an adults at 100%, kids at 50% formula the bills would be £290 and SIL £510 which is kinder.

I'm flumoxxed. Is this pettiness over money a middle class thing that I'm not getting?

Bo's suggestion was just another way of saying children to be charged at 50% of the per adult charge. Which is what many posters have suggested.

bo because you are family and could all just have paid £333 and trusted one another not to take the piss. If you can't trust someone not to take advantage I would question why you would voluntarily go on holiday with them in the first place? Especially one where you'll be together for 24 hours a day?

I was trying to be helpful and suggesting the way in which our holidays with friends/extended family are arranged. If you have 20 people and three or four villas or lodges, it works well.

Thanks all, loved reading this! What a minefield it is for us all.

I don't think my DS was being greedy, she just hadn't thought of all the options, and neither had I - which is why I posted the question. It is true that as it is a gift to the parents/grandparents then perhaps we could split it three ways. On the other hand a per room cost seems to be the consensus. I will see what they think.

I am not tight, I constantly treat my beautiful nieces and nephews to loads of outings and presents, have them to stay etc. But we probably earn less than both my DS and DB, so being a DINKY doesn't necessarily translate to loads of money!

bo I think an example of 20 people including friends is different to the OPs situation of what is basically immediate family.

I think your suggestion is reasonable where there is less implied trust and reciprocity expected.

piddly I still think my idea of the others buying the food is reasonable and simple. It would be horrible to fall out before you even go.

OP
It is true that as it is a gift to the parents/grandparents then perhaps we could split it three ways. On the other hand a per room cost seems to be the consensus.

As lots of people have suggested you should split the cost of your parents room three ways but the rest of the cost should be per-room

Funny how it's always people with children who want the childless couple to pay the same, much like people who drink at dinner and order expensive meals wanting to split the tab evenly with people who ordered carefully and didn't order alcohol due to their budgets.

Exactly. Those who opt to create larger families shouldn't get their nose out of joint when they spend more on food and accommodations than singles, couples or those who limit the number of offspring they produce.

As to 50-percent of an adult - not sure I'd go with that. Most kids age 7 and up can far outeat me. And they tend to create more of a liability for messes. The young child might spill, wet the bed, scribble on walls, break things, etc. - there should be a premium paid to account for that risk and the resulting costs.

Personally I'd suggest a hotel instead of a shared house. Everyone could choose his/her accommodations, gather on the beach/ in the lounge/on the patio at night, enjoy restaurant meals and all control costs according to their own family budget.

As you have found OP the splitting of these kind of costs is a frigging minefield!

FWIW I don't think there is one correct answer as to what is 'fairest' and who pays what. People think too differently about what 'fair' feels like to them.

I think the best way to avoid feelings of injustice (if indeed this is possible) is to outline the different ways of splitting the cost (per person, per room, per couple etc) seeing which method people want to use, then negotiating with them if you all choose different ones.

I think also always saying what the individual price would be is quickest way to agreement 'If we split it by room that would us paying £250, x paying £200 and y paying £300'. Seems to force people to stop worrying about the method of division and just focus on whether their share seems okay.

Although I think a PP has it right asking if you are sure you wouldn't rather all stay in an hotel?! Makes it very straightforward.

When we do group holidays we split food per head but age 3-12 count as half a head and under 3 count as quarter. Accommodation is cut in half and 50% of it (signifying the downstairs/daytime part of the house) is split per head with children counting as half a head and 50% is split per room with weightings on the room cost so that the biggest/nicest count as 1.1 or 1.2 and a tiny room is 0.8 or 0.9.

OP you should split the whole cost up fairly as if your parents were paying their own way but then split the parental cost between you and your siblings. No you should not be paying one third of the whole cost.

When we went away at Christmas we did it per room. It was the fairest way as we have 5 kids so had 3 rooms where as DH's cousin is a singleton at uni so no way should she have paid the same. The 3 couples who chose the master bedrooms (ensuite, balcony and tv) chucked an extra £40 per couple (it worked out at £2 each per night before anyone thinks they were ripped off!) into the food kitty which more than covered all the essential tea/coffee/bog roll/cleaning stuff which meant the rest of the food kitty only needed to cover actual food for lunches and dinners.

I have organised a few of these, for a large family and it is, indeed, a minefield.

It is impossible to make it 'fair', so don't even bother fretting over it. So long as people know you have tried your best, which you will do, that's enough.

If you put two identical couples into two identical rooms, one couple will still whinge about how they have rubbish cushions or are further from the bar.

The answer is to tell people up front, let them know that its not all going to be equal, there will be winners and losers and the important thing is for people to get their enthusiasm going, because they control that, and it will see the event through successfully.

So far as the opening question, how to pay ?
Pricing regimes vary. If you stay in a B&B, you pay per person. If you stay in a hotel, you pay per room. If you hire a farmhouse, you pay for the site.
If you stay at a formal lodge, like CP, you pay per room with a maximum occupancy.

As you are probably paying for a site (OP) , it will be an extremely tricky one, because it will be a fixed cost with no rules that you can blame on someone else :)
If I were in that situation, I would come up with three different payment schedules and put it to the vote.

1. split the total by siblings
2. pay per room
3. pay per person with kids at half price

in case of a tie, let the one with the biggest gob win. at least you may get some peace

distribute the rooms randomly. pull them out of a hat. except parents get the best room.

encourage the kids to move around and have midnight parties that no adult knows about. They will have the time of their lives and will make friends for life.

We are DINKYs if you like - not by choice though.

We go away as part of a similar set up every year and we just pay equal to my DB etc who have dependants. My nieces don't earn so can't contribute obviously. It makes things a little easier for my DB if we just split and we're happy to do that. I've never gave it much thought tbh!