To split cost of big family holiday per person including children (not per adult couple)?

[piddleypower]

We are planning a big family holiday as a surprise for my parents. We are planning on hiring out a big farmhouse or similar for three days.

There will be:
Me and DH
DS & BIL with three children
DB & SIL with two children
Mum and Dad

My sister has suggested splitting the cost three ways i.e. between me, my sister and my brother (my parents three adult children). I don't mind splitting the cost of my mum and dad's accommodation between the three of us as its a surprise for them. But should I pay a third of the total cost when its just me and DH? My sister's family will be five people (2 or 3 rooms) and my brothers family will be four people (2 rooms). The children are all between 12 and 5 years.

Am I being selfish? Should we pay per person (including children) or per room, or should I just accept it and pay a third of the total cost?

Personally id take your folks out of the sums. Split the cost between everyone else unless any of them are on an airbed/travelcot (they dont count). So eleven people, if the house is £800 (total guess).

£73 per head.

Childless couple - £146
Family of four - £292
Family of five - £365 (unless one of these ends up on airbed/sofa due to not enough beds then split the total by ten and sum up).

Wrt food - either meal plan a big meal each evening or each family cook two nights and go out the last one (seven night?)

Each family bring a box of cereal, loaf of bread and a topping and thats breakfast done - again maybe go out for a big fry up one morning.

We would split per person too although would assume babies sleep in with parents and not include them.

So in the scenario you gave we would split with a ration of 2/5/4 and then go thirds on parents cost.

Surely that's fair. No way should you be paying a third overall?

Victoria you need to pay for advertisements on Mumsnet. I have reported your post.

Your siblings sound like takers expecting you to pay same.

Per room and you split your parents costs between three of you.

Bloody cheek

Wtf?
Please tell me that was posted in the wrong place?

Hmm I totally everyone is saying split per room is fairest but I personally would just split it three ways as it is a family holiday gift to parents really.

Unless the money differences are really v big?

I strongly agree with the idea that, since it is a family treat for the parents, it is indeed fair to split the cost by number of siblings. We do this in our family, two siblings, one with children and now grandchildren, me without out. I feel that it is fair, since we have more disposable income and no costs for children, while we benefit from having more generations together which makes it more of an occasion.

[Usually, i don't comment on threads where everything i want to add has already been said. This position as been posted a couple of times, but i feel it is staying under the radar]

I cannot envision any situation where we would go on holiday together. Equally, when we go away with friends, it tends to be adults only in hotels, so the question does not arise.

As the one who would be the biggest payer in this scenario, I would expect to pay by room. My sister and BIL have no kids, I have 6 so it would be grossly unfair to expect her to go halves when she needs one room and I would need 4!

We would go 50/50 on my parents room and 80/20 on the rest of the accomodation costs.

We've been away skiing with 12 people before and split the chalet cost by room/s. Cooking / food / alcohol wise - we took it in turns to cook for everyone.

Bo's example is exactly how we are doing things when we go away with my sister and her family this summer. Doesn't matter if you're family or friends this method works well regardless. They are a family of 5 we are a family of 3. if we'd split it 3/8 and 5/8 then sister would have had quite a bit more to pay but we did the 2 points per adult and 1 point per child and it ended up 5/12 and 7/12 so sister got a slightly better deal but we thought it fairer as she had more DC but earned the same as us. Plus because she had two extra DC we found it harder to find a decent sized place with the right amount of bedrooms for our budget.

No way should OP pay the same as her siblings with DC. It's not as though there's only one child which would be negligible it's 5!!

Good luck OP. Let us know what happens

Like most of the others. You pay for what you need and split the cost of your parents accomodation. Seems fairest.

I like AnneOfCleaves solution. Not so pedantic, has the bit of give and take you expect in a family

Suck it up. Divide equally. It is just one vacation after all. Think positive, that your generosity has extended not just to your parents but your siblings too.

Then glow with quiet, smug satisfaction!

Agree with most people that it should be per room with your parents' room split three ways - that's what we've done with my ILs before. My PIL generally pick up the food bill which makes it more straightforward.

Yes, that means that larger families pay more for the trip - why shouldn't they? It's the parents' choice to have a larger family and that costs money. It's not "charging little children" - it's charging their parents who are supposed to be providing for them. Do these people think that attractions and events shouldn't charge money for children?

I hate it when people try and shame others into subsidising them by claiming that it's "petty" for them not to want to.

If the holiday was purely for the parents then I'd say to split three ways. However, in this case the three families are going along and I think it's unfair to expect the OP to susidise the extra costs created by the fact her siblings have children. Even more so as the OP has said she probably earns less than her siblings.

I'm flumoxxed. Is this pettiness over money a middle class thing that I'm not getting?

If you think it's petty to mind about paying over the odds for a family holiday when it could be done in a much fairer way that leaves everyone feeling they'd be happy to do it again, yes - you're not getting it.

OP I don't think here is a right way to do this, just whatever everyone feels comfortable with.

I've just thought about this in the context of me and my siblings. I have 1 DC, DSis has 2 and DBro has none. We would probably just split it equally, but let DBro take the best room. DSis and I would then insist on chucking more in for food, or paying for DBro and Dsil meal out one evening etc to try and make it more even, but without breaking it down formally to the nearest pound etc. But that's assuming it was a reasonably priced break and so the difference wouldn't be too much and it would all work out in a swings and roundabouts type way.

With friends i would insist on it being more formally arranged as I wouldn't want anyone to come away feeling like they had been short-changed.

With it being family, and a treat for your parents, I would split the bill 3 ways. If you start charging per room or per bed, you may run into the problem of en suites etc.

As for food, I would ask for a contribution per person.

Well I am easy either way, I just would love to spent this time with my family. My mum has been ill so does put these kind of discussions into perspective, I am really not going to fall out with anyone over a few hundred quid, I don't think they are either. I'd pay for the whole lot if I could. But it is helpful to think it through. Total minefield, might just be easier to split three ways and be done with it!!

I have just worked out a couple of examples, based on a house I found on airbnb. Its nearly £1500 for a long weekend (in August). As others have said I am quite shocked how expensive hiring a big house is. I am sure you could get cheaper but just for this example....

Assuming six rooms (DS's three could all share) and the cost of the grandparents split between the three siblings:

Split 3 ways - thats £500 each sibling.
Split per room - thats me £333, DB £583, DS £583
Using the formula of 50% per child - thats me £378, DB £520, DS £591

you have three good breakdowns of the cost there. put it to the vote

Yeah, good idea.

you have three good breakdowns of the cost there. put it to the vote

Think we can guess the outcome of a vote from the siblings, given that they will be better off in the "split 3 ways" scenario vs the other two (more accurate) options.