To split cost of big family holiday per person including children (not per adult couple)?

[piddleypower]

We are planning a big family holiday as a surprise for my parents. We are planning on hiring out a big farmhouse or similar for three days.

There will be:
Me and DH
DS & BIL with three children
DB & SIL with two children
Mum and Dad

My sister has suggested splitting the cost three ways i.e. between me, my sister and my brother (my parents three adult children). I don't mind splitting the cost of my mum and dad's accommodation between the three of us as its a surprise for them. But should I pay a third of the total cost when its just me and DH? My sister's family will be five people (2 or 3 rooms) and my brothers family will be four people (2 rooms). The children are all between 12 and 5 years.

Am I being selfish? Should we pay per person (including children) or per room, or should I just accept it and pay a third of the total cost?

Per room and then split your parent's bill equally between you. That's the only fair way.

We split it per beds used, so babies effectively went free. As the largest amount of people, our part of the group paid more towards the overall cost.

Per bedroom, because that is the basis on which the rental is based.
If it was a hotel that charged per person then I would do it per person.

Per room sounds most fair

We have been on family holidays pre kids where it was split by the number of couples ignoring the kids and this included accommodation and food and alcohol

It did irk tbh - to see kids being ordered expensive adult meals that we were essentially subsidising and expensive bottles of wine that I don't drink

Haven't bothered since

dh and I & 2 kids had the 2 fairly cramped twin rooms, whereas the other 2 couples had lovely king sizes with en suites

That's a different issue. That's about deciding who gets what rooms, not how many you've paid for.

Split by number of rooms.

from that you may need a 6 bedroom farm house.

You pay 1 room

both siblings pay 2 rooms each

you all share cost of 3rd room.

BUT make sure you all agree on the house you wish to rent so no one can moan its too high a price or the rooms are crappy. Agree that couples will take the double bed rooms and children will have the twin rooms.

Make it clear now that your mum and dad will have one of the en suites if there are any and if rooms have shared bathrooms then a family should take those because tbf its not fair that couple shares a bathroom with someone elses kids on holiday.

Id personally write it all down so no one can disagree and if its committed to paper no one can play dumb etc etc.

make sure everyone chips in a chunk towards the deposit.

Food is a different matter entirely.

Per room.

For next year's half term for a significal MIL birthday my SIL was suggesting splitting things in half when she has 3 teenage children and will need 3 rooms and was wanting to stick me, DH and 2 pre-school children in ONE room!!
Yes, baby will probably be with us and yes the 4yo might end up with us, but we will want her to have her own room...

We put a stop to those ideas early on before booking anything

Although per room is probably fairer, when we go away (four families varying from one adult to 2 x adults and 3 kids), we just split the total cost four ways.

No-ones ever minded. we all share the food cost as well.

I'd split per room used

Per room. We do big group of friends holidays and this is how we do it, it's fairest.

For accommodation it's fair to split per room, plus a three-way split of your parents' room. So if your siblings each want/need two rooms (one for parents, one for children) they pay per room.

For food, I really think it's probably per person, including children - maybe children slightly less, but overall they eat almost as much as adults.

I speak from experience of huge family holidays (30 of us), and trying to sort out a fair system for families, older children with girlfriends or boyfriends, and singles, and couples w/o children.

We would split the cost between the 3 adult "children" because it is being booked as treat for the parents.

In our families, the couples without children are higher earners with plenty of disposable of income and they like to treat their nieces and nephews and spend time with them.

I personally would expect a say in the choice of accommodation if I were paying more than my share.

Wow, thanks everyone. Consensus seems to be per room.

I hadn't even thought about food yet !! What else do I need to think about?

Tell me I want to even do this !!

We go away once a year as extended family and split per person. The children all muddle in together so doing it by room is not so clear cut. We put a certain amount per person into a kitty for food ,less for the younger children. Someone always does better but we enjoy being together so we are happy to compromise. If there are only two of you , you should pay less.

For food, I would charge kids under 12 at 50% of the Adult cost.

Make sure all three siblings pay towards the deposit

What's your plan for someone pulling out - will you take out intsurance , will that family pay or will the other two families have to pay their share too ?

If you are planning to get a supermarket delivery, remember that the bill will be much higher than what you would usually spend for 3 days . Partly this is because of the extra goodies you will buy , like alcohol for the adults and sweets and ice cream for the kids .

But also you will have to buy the staples that you don't buy every week at home - tea, coffee, sugar , ceraeals , sauces , jam .

For me, it's also because I usually shop at cheaper places

We went away with dh's family once. Once because every receipt has to be presented and split so that people only paid for the food they ate. Including the percentage of a biscuit packet based on how many biscuits each person are.

It was painful

YANBU DH's family did this once and it really annoyed me. We paid the same for one bedroom as another family who took up 3 bedrooms. Also, we didn't get any say in the booking because we don't have kids.
Splitting by room sounds much better.
BYO are you my SIL?! My inlaws are fanatical about splitting everything, including producing a receipt for a £2 bag of apples that then had to be accounted for!

Generally split the cost per room but youn have to look at the actual place you are staying and if the rooms are unequal the. You need to adjust accordingly.

Per room but give them the choice of how many rooms they need, then split your parents between the three of you

Agree that food will be the next issue. Kids don't eat or drink as much as adults, especially if all or some of the adults are drinking. Decide ahead of time how you'll do it, eg a kitty where you contribute eg £50 per adult £25 per child, refilled when it runs out

Ooh yeah, good idea about kitty with an amount per adult and child. Alcohol can be left to each person to bring/buy.

Thanks everyone, very helpful and enlightening!

definitely per room with your DPs getting the nicest room as it's their gift which cuts out some of the unfairness re rooms.

I think it slightly depends.
If the holiday is a present for your parents then there is an argument that you should all pay the same.
If it's a holiday you all want to go on then you pay per room.

Because a holiday with the IL, having done it, is no holiday at all for me. End up going far more work round the place than if we're on our own, with no bonuses.
In fact I'd solve your problem quickly if you suggested we paid more by saying I wouldn't go. I'm also certain 2at least of the dc would choose to stay with me.

Splitting based on rooms needed seems fair. However, the fly in the ointment is your sister, who has three children, and is suggesting a straight three way split. You're going to have to nip that in the bud early.

As far as food is concerned, when we did a big family holiday last year (when we had three rooms and paid a larger share than my DBro and SIL with two rooms, splitting the cost for my parents between us) and just kept a running total of who'd paid what, hoping it would all just even out by the end of the week. And it did. It wasn't worth quibbling over how much my niece (aged 7) ate compared to how much my DS (aged 17 ate) - everyone was on holiday and everyone was in a generous mood and not penny pinching.

Having the opportunity be together on a special occasion is precious, so sort out any potential problems early.

You sister is trying yo pull a fast one. Per room plus your parents room split three ways is obviously the fairest way to go.

Definitely sort everything out beforehand and in writing especially as your sister seems either a bit thoughtless or grabby.

By room.

I was a but irked on a friends group holiday when one couple specifically asked for an extra room for their toddler, and we had ours with us to save money. Then they refused to pay extra! I had to say something. It was a bit tense.