When my children are older

[GloGirl]

Would I be unreasonable if I followed them into the toilet and jumped up and down in their underpants and protest loudly if they won't let me sit on their knee?

I also want to make sure that at least 3 times I day I reach into their space and press their phone randomly. Screaming loudly if they try and move the phone away from me.

lookat you're last one made me laugh til i cried.

Sorry your

I will get utterly pissed by accident on cocktails whilst out with my daughter, sing in public, fall asleep in the taxi and require putting to bed. Then I will get up lots of times in the night feeling rotten and require fluids and general TLC. The next day I will be very fragile and need to be centre of attention and looked after.

(I am going to try the pants and loo roll one next time for sure though. Class act, that)

:o

Phucks the sanitary wear had me rolling! I'm definitely nicking that one, have spent a bloody (lol) fortune on pads I've never actually got to wear.

I will gather a random assortment of their stuff like car keys, scissors, mobile phone chargers etc and seal them in a cardboard box with a whole roll of selltape then wrap it in several layers of paper to make a 'pass the parcel' and hide it in my wardrobe.

Bananas are going to be a great source of revenge. I'm going to throw myself on the floor and be inconsolable for twenty mins every time one doesn't open the right way/is to squishy or heavens forbid it breaks.

There will be daily phone calls regaling every physical accident (major or minor... probably mostly minor but I will always categorize them as really major ) I ever have and I will give an in depth analysis of the event, who was involved, where it happened, how painful it was in relation to a) all other injuries I have ever sustained and b) all potential injuries I may ever sustain in the future and there will be accompanying pictures that must be thoroughly looked at to insure that hospitalization is not required. Actually that already sounds like my mother.

I am going to move in with my son, pile my washing really high then dump it in the kitchen and leave it till it gets washed dried and ironed.. I am then going to have a huge tantrum about putting it away when clearly I have mumsnetting to do. When he gets fed up with clearly washed dried and ironed items ending back up in the washing without being worn he will put my stuff away for me .
Then I shall just stand in my room and announce I have no clean underwear, school shirts etc.. getting louder and louder till he comes up in a rage to show me they are neatly where they should be . Then I will just shrug and say well I didn't know !

I'm going to keep shutting myself in rooms. Even though there will be no reason to close the door, I will everytime I enter a new room. Then I will shout HELP loudly because I can't get our.

This is going back a bit now, but do dogs have cheeks? They do, don't they?

I'm also going to visit for a weekend and knock over every single drink I am given. I will try and help with a couple of tissues, but get distracted and start doing finger splashes in it.

I'll wait till all the commotion has finished and then I will cry because I'm wet

Then when they sit down to their drink I will ask for another. Repeat the cycle throwing in a spontaneous toilet trip every now and then.

I'm going to memorise huge chunks of grime tunes and then pick a different one each morning to sing at the top of my voice as a kind of urban dawn chorus.

I'm going to ask if every single person on the TV ever is the baddie.

And tell the world's longest/slowest/dullest stories, often forgetting the end.

I'm going to leap into clothes racks the second they are looking at something, and sit there chuckling to myself while they walk around the shop looking for me

I'm going to wait till Dd drives and start an expensive, time consuming hobby which requires about fifteen lifts a week the other side of town.
I'm then going to be hideous and rude when asked to get ready for said journey and then moan all the way there that I'll be late 😳 I will jump out of the car without so much as a thank you and do my hobby whils she sits in a cold carpark or goes home for a bout two minutes before coming back out again, I shall buy her a large teddy to take with her on these journeys to represent the big child that I have to heave in and out of the car to make them.
She will need to eat her meal late and quickly between trips and never take off her shoes untill journeys are over.

I actually am.

I am also going to tap their arms repeatedly whilst they are talking to a friend or making a phone call, just to show them a picture I have drawn.

I'm going to enter their bedrooms, high-pitched wailing, whilst brandishing a cup that I must immediately have filled, as I will be thirsty - at 2am.
Actually I might misplace the cup too, and have them hunt for that in the dark in all manner of random places.

I'm going to tell their inlaws what they say about them behind their backs sorry fil but you do take ages to tell a story

I got so fed up with My DS doing a massive stinker when ever I am in the bath (8yo btw) I bought one of those fart sprays and sprayed it when he was in the bath. Best revenge ever.

Why wait when you can have fun now

I'm going to get in the car, be driven 50 miles from home for a daytrip, and it only become apparent that I forgot to put shoes on when I get out of the car. Then I will have a tantrum and say it's their fault I'm not wearing shoes. Then I will expect to be carried round the supermarket whilst they urgently buy me new shoes, just so they can have a day out.

I will also vomit on their heads in the middle of the night when there is no hot water, but they have to wash the sick out of their hair anyway at 3AM in freezing water.

I am also going to get back from work - declare 'I'm
Starving' - and eat the entire contents of their fridge.