When my children are older

[GloGirl]

Would I be unreasonable if I followed them into the toilet and jumped up and down in their underpants and protest loudly if they won't let me sit on their knee?

I also want to make sure that at least 3 times I day I reach into their space and press their phone randomly. Screaming loudly if they try and move the phone away from me.

Oh and YANBU! So sorry I got a bit carried away hatching my revenge plan.

I'm going to make loads of toast and sandwiches and ask for crisps and biscuits ten minutes after finishing a lovely roast they've made me ( with pudding too!) saying how 'I'm starving' and then leave the kitchen untidy after they've just cleared up after said lovely roast dinner 🤗 Yes teenagers in this house too! Loving this thread btw. Lots of ideas 😉

I am going to talk non stop about minecraft and play the recorder badly can it be done any other way when they are watching something they have been looking forward to

I am going to remove all the paper from their printer and gather up all their biro pens put one mark on each bit of paper scribble my name on it and carpet every room in their house with it and have a tantrum every time they try to throw some out. Once I've done that I'm going to hide all the bit pens, down the back of the sofa, behind the cooker.

I'm also going to ignore them while they are in the same room as me but the second their bum hits the toilet seat I'm going to race after them and conduct an important conversation through the bathroom door.

I will demand dinner 2 hours after a huge lunch out telling them how starving I am and no a sandwich will not do I need a hot dinner. Once I get it I'm going to take one bite and announce I'm full up.

I'm going to ask them to help me put on my backpack in front of a group of people then when their hand brushes my cheek because I've yanked myself put the way I'm going to yell angrily 'don't punch me in the face'

this is quite cathartic actually.

I shall answer their phones with "No, DC can't come to the phone. They are on the toilet. They are doing a poo. It is a very big poo. Goodbye" and then hang up......

This actually happened.....

I'm going to visit their newly painted home and get out my crayons and scribble on the walls.

I'm going to insist on a bath at midnight, keep flushing the toilet and run the cold water tap for ten minutes, hopefully they will be on a water meter.

I'm going to declare any food that is made for me 'disguisting', without even tasting it.
I will arrive at their place, chuck my coat on the floor and throw my shoes in the general direction of the hallway.
I will sit down for dinner and declare that I need the toilet. Then I will do a revolting poo and leave skidmarks for them to clear up the next day (hopeflly they will be nice and dried in by then).
I will cry hysterically because 'I can't do my woooorrrkkk' and ask them to help with an Excel spreadsheet (or whatever) because I've left it to the last mintue and I'm going to get a detention from my boss.
i will take their phones and play irritating noisy games on them until they shout at me!!
I will walk into their house, put on Netflix and watch what I want to watch at very loud volume. I will then get annoyed at anyone making the slightest bit of noise around me 'as I can't hear my programme'!!
Oh, I can't wait!!
And so far, the best thing about having a teen is waking the bugger up - ha, now you know what it's like, sucker!!

Gym, that is too funny. Who was on the phone?

Shout 'I'm Hungry' every five minutes and particularly after refusing to eat any food made for me.

Bring home 'art' after every visit out of the house and provide a long commentary about each piece of art.

Engage in the attempt to ask the highest number of inane questions in a single sitting . I would hope to do this whilst said individual is doing something really important of course.

I'm going to eat toast with lovely sticky jam on it and get it all over my hands and then promptly use every electrical device they own, making sure that the jam gets in all the crevice and buttons.

I'm going to take pieces of toilet paper and shred them into minuscule little bits and 'decorate' the whole house with them and then when they get the Hoover out to clean up, I'm going to sit on the Hoover/hose/right in front of where they are hoovering and/or switch it off every thirty seconds, wailing that's " it's too loud and hurty my ears!!".

When we're in the car I'm going to kick the back of the driver seat with really muddy shoes.

I'm also going to have a big poo in their toilet and not flush it.

I can't wait

I get mine back all the time. DS used to come home late (we go to bed early for work) and always, irrespective of the time, bang loads of cupboard doors downstairs, get a drink and then come into our room and want to chat.

Whenever this happens we wake him up at our time the following morning (think 5:30 or 6:00 am) sit on his bed, open his curtains and chat shit. We always think it is really funny the next morning, he doesn't.

Great entertainment.

I will collect random objects and leave them in their house. And remember I've done it.

That last bit is where the genius shows.

I'm going to eat messy food, or wait until I have a cold then hug them hard - making sure that I wipe my mouth/nose on their shoulder.

I'm going to say "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" to every suggestion, request and offer. Even if it's something I really like. In fact, especially if it's something I really like.

I'm going to put extra syllables into her name and say it repeatedly for no reason. She can call me "Muuuummmmaaaaayyyy!" and I'll call her "daaaauuuggghhttterrr!" (Okay, I already do that one.)

I'm going to wait til she's just put the Hoover away, then open several packets of biscuits & crisps and crumble them all over the floor - not actually eating any, obviously.

I'm going to put my shoes on the wrong feet, ask if they're on the right feet, then get VERY VERY ANGRY when told that they're wrong, and insist this is how they're supposed to be.

With no warning or prior discussion, I'm suddenly going to start crying at maximum volume that I want to go to the park. When DC readily agrees to take me to the park, I'll become absolutely hysterical and wail that I don't want to go. When they say that's fine, I'll puddle on the floor and scream that I do want to go now.
I will then refuse to wear a coat, cardi, socks or appropriate shoes, then wait until we're at the park gates and sob inconsolably about how cold I am.

It's going to be great

I'm going to go to the supermarket with them & bite chunks out of the peppers & carrots that haven't been paid for yet, and sneak random items into the trolley expensive biscuits & types of cereal that I won't eat

I quite like the idea of picking up any object with any value to them and throwing it as high as I can whilst shouting HOOPLA because I'd also like to pretend I'm daddy pig flipping a pancake. When I'm bored of that I'll pour any liquid iI can find on the floor to splash in.

All these things - of course we'll do them. It's called Getting Old and batty. And when you're long gone your kids'll be doing it all to theirs when they're old too

If my mum was on this thread she would say she was going to wait until her dd was grown up and had babies of her own, and then when those babies had colic she would laugh at her dd and say "well now you know what it feels like".

I'm going to kiss my son and tell him how much I love him everyday. I love it.

DD on the other hand, I will roll my eyes, moan constantly and throw all the clothes on the floor.

Oh and turn every light on!

I'm going to change me outfit every day 10 times and put every single piece of clothing worn in the wash.
When washing is given to me, neatly folded, I'm going to ignore my wardrobe and put it straight back in the wash basket.
I'm never opening curtains and having lights on all the time

I am going to colour in the vertical lines on the radiators in crayons , in a rainbow assortment of colours . Then make sure the central heating is turned RIGHT up , so it bakes on so that only steel wool gets it off .

I am going to hide a random assortment of fruit , selected at its ripeness for maximum rottability , and tuck it down the side of the sofa cushions . I am also going to their drawers , and removing one sock of each individual pair . Just one . I am then taking them home , along with each and every teaspoon , every mug except the chipped one with a cracked handle , and every cereal bowl except the one that's also got a crack in it and has been threatening to break . For months . Oh , and I'm taking one of each of their work shoes too . And their car keys . And their phone charger .

Oooooh ok.

I'm going to eat all the babybels and walk the waxy remains into the carpet.
I'm going to take a bite out of all the apples and put them back in the fruit bowl.
I'm going to make magic potions with all their expensive shit in the sink.
I'm going to physically yank them away from people they have the audacity to chat to.
I'm going to search my dd's house for sanitary wear which I will then take every pad and stick them around the house. I will save one for my shirt.
I'm going to wait until they have guests and I will shuffle through the door with my pants around my ankles. I will present my arse and tissue paper to whoever is in there. Dd doesn't even have to be there.

I'm going to wake them at 5am everyday day.