I hate sharing a bed with dh

[NeedACleverNN]

I love him to bits but seriously sometimes it's hard not to smother him in his sleep!

Despite knowing I like my space, he still ends up wiggling closer and closer to me, finally ending up trying to spoon me. He gets an elbow in the gut for that.

He has a bad habit of sleeping with his legs in the air, which then crash down on the bed.

I like sleeping with the duvet cacooned around me.

He lifts it slightly so there's a draft going down my back.

He literally turns into an 8 legged lead octopus when he's asleep. One limb everywhere and weighs a ton so I can't move him.

He manages to angle his head so he is breathing directly in my face

It's all silly petty things I get that and at weekends he sleeps downstairs so I can get some proper rest, but I am not sleeping when he is bed.

He won't entertain separate beds.
He's worried that it's going to push us apart.

I'm worried I'm going to commit murder if I continue to lose sleep.

I'm waking up with a splitting headache and it makes me very irritable.

What can I do?

Married 27 years
Separate beds for 25 of them
=Marital harmony.

He can have a freezing cold room and two duvets, go to bed at 2am and leave clothes on the floor. I can have a candle filled, tidy, warm bedroom and go to bed at 10.
My ensuite is all for ME

We do have visiting rights :)

alas - which part of OP's night sounds intimate? What specific aspect of intimacy is she going to be missing out on if she ends her current situation?

norks - the state of DH's bedroom is another reason why I don't want to spend my night there

I'd love separate rooms beds.

I like the room cool with fresh air, DH likes it fucking roasting hot & airless

He snores

He tries to talk to me & wakes me up when he comes to bed later than me or if he wakes in the night

He likes to breathe on face me so I end up facing away from him after 25 years one side of my face is getting wrinklier than the other

Definitely going to try two single duvets. Brilliant idea. Thanks.

I wish we had a spare room I could boot dh out into. He has serious snoring issues lately and I have nowhere to escape to. I bought earplugs but he's so loud I'm kept awake regardless.

He Gets a good nights sleep by the sound of it..

I dream of a super king sized bed...

I would strongly recommend a memory foam mattress. It means that you tend to turn over less in the night anyway, and when you do it doesn't disturb the other person as no creaking springs etc.

DH is 6'1 and about 4 stone heavier than me, so with a sprung mattress every turn he made felt like an earthquake occurring.
Not to mention the dreaded "roll together' factor which left me clinging on to my side of the bed for dear life and waking with aching shoulders every morning.

It doesn't solve the snoring problem but at least once you do get to sleep you stay asleep!

I know you said you couldn't afford a superking size bed but there are some brilliant deals around. We got a headboard, bedstand and mattress for €359! There is no way in hell I could sleep with dh in any other size bed. He is ridiculous at night. He wraps the covers around him, snores, talks in his sleep, has full blown conversations, gropes me and tries it on and has nightmares where its like hes awake that freak me right out. But in the big bed because we aren't touching in the night he sleeps better and is more calm. I have a fan on in the night so I cant hear his snoring. Its brilliant. We don't have room for sleeping separately, superking bed is the way to go. And separate blankets too :)

This is one of the huge advantages of doing 12 hour night shifts. I'm just getting into bed as he's getting out of it - perfect. I hate the 3 nights I'm on a "normal" clock so go to bed in the evening; he drives me crazy.

I'm so evil because reading this is cheering me up big time.

Nice to hear I'm not off.
Apparently couples should sleep together all cuddled up like they do on telly...

Couples on the telly are all pretend though :)

Go for it, I promise you, we would have divorced years ago if we had had to share a bed. Even on holiday we plan for separate beds.
There is no emotional aspect to it, it is just basic common sense and sleep hygiene.

NO NO NO NO NO. No to memory foam if you overheat! Back when we had a double bed, we had a memory foam mattress. The firmness was great but it's so hot. I wouldn't even get a memory foam topper now after experiencing that sweat fest.

I have chronic fatigue syndrome. I need my sleep and poor DH is in the spare room. It's the only way I can function, I'm afraid. I didn't get really ill until DD was 3. We have a super king bed, which dh and I shared until a I got really ill. They don't have to be expensive. IKEA sell them from about £150 and each mattress starts at around £80 (although I would pay a bit extra as the thicker ones will last longer). You will need 2 mattresses. I hope this may be of use to you. As another poster said, sleep is vital and lack of sleep is a form of torture. We can get irrational thoughts when we are sleep deprived and these can be dangerous (I don't actually mean hurting someone). I mean lacking judgement, not able to think things through etc.

We've not shared a bed in 15 years. It's bliss! I actually get a reasonable nights sleep most nights and no longer get in a rage with DH when I can't sleep.

We have slept in separate rooms for 3 years, I think I would have committed murder by now if we didn't. It started due to an issue with our mattress but it's been a win win situation.

We would argue nightly, me trying to stop him snoring, then he'd get annoyed that I was waking him up. It was just awful and terrible for our mental health.

We've had to work hard on keeping intimacy levels up but I would say overall it has worked well for us.

If it wasn't for the breathing, snoring, touching, heat, farting, breath, flinging heavy limbs about then I would happily share a bed.

There is nothing quite like sleep disturbance to make you feel murderous.

We have a super king bed with a temper mattress. If I had a normal bed I would have lost my mind years ago.

If it wasn't for the breathing, snoring, touching, heat, farting, breath, flinging heavy limbs about then I would happily share a bed.

Glad to see you included breathing in there, Jittery. Breathing audibly or breathing on me at night were also becoming capital offences by 3 a.m.

And there's the extra joy that is changing a single bed whenever I want to. No more wrestling grumpily with a duvet about 7 feet by 8.

Hmm. Actually, I wonder if it would be really patronising to ask him when he last did change his bedding?

We have the same set up as CruCru, with separate duvets, and I finally sleep properly. I keep my nice warm cocoon intact all night, and because the mattress doesn't bounce, DH's thrashing doesn't wake me. It's a very cool mattress (slightly too cool in winter), unlike the reports I hear of other memory foam mattresses. I appreciate cost may prohibit that as an option though. You have my sympathy OP.

Getting proper sleep is more important than sharing a bed. And it is usually the person who has no problem sleeping that has an issue with it.

Super King bed and two separate duvets..total relationship saver for us!!