I hate sharing a bed with dh

[NeedACleverNN]

I love him to bits but seriously sometimes it's hard not to smother him in his sleep!

Despite knowing I like my space, he still ends up wiggling closer and closer to me, finally ending up trying to spoon me. He gets an elbow in the gut for that.

He has a bad habit of sleeping with his legs in the air, which then crash down on the bed.

I like sleeping with the duvet cacooned around me.

He lifts it slightly so there's a draft going down my back.

He literally turns into an 8 legged lead octopus when he's asleep. One limb everywhere and weighs a ton so I can't move him.

He manages to angle his head so he is breathing directly in my face

It's all silly petty things I get that and at weekends he sleeps downstairs so I can get some proper rest, but I am not sleeping when he is bed.

He won't entertain separate beds.
He's worried that it's going to push us apart.

I'm worried I'm going to commit murder if I continue to lose sleep.

I'm waking up with a splitting headache and it makes me very irritable.

What can I do?

No idea how you sort this and protect his precious feelings.

I used to get up and go downstairs thinking murderous thoughts, to sleep on the sofa. Then I decided in the end that hurt feelings were probably preferable to snapping one night and actually suffocating him with his own pillow, stopped delicately negotiating and bought myself a bed. OK, so it's billed as 'the guest bed', but it's in our bedroom and it's mine all mine.

God, the relief. I don't think I'd quite realised how damaging the years of broken sleep had been to my health and to our relationship.

I don't sleep with dp because of the snoring. We haven't made any holiday plans this year and I am dreading discussing it because I really don't want to sleep with him on holiday this year. My parents stayed for a week in Feb, we shared, I drank too much to deal with it, I had a good two weeks depression afterwards from the combined sleep deprivation and hangover. I don't want that looming over me for the summer.

Sleeping apart doesn't exactly bring us together but to be honest what really drives us apart is his general selfishness. His not insisting on us sleeping together is a nice example of this not being the case, to be honest.

Men who think women don't need to sleep can just fuck off. I am sick of them. I am sick of men in general actually. I just wish they would all fuck off and piss all over their own half of the world and leave my half alone.

I always sleep facing the wall. Can't bear to face him and his breathing(!) in my sleep. We have a Kingsize which gives us enough room as we're both fairly slim.

slutbucket

I'm sorry yours made me laugh with the train comment.

One night - ok several nights but this one I can really clearly remember - when one of the dcs was a baby and breastfeeding in the night - he stumped up to bed about half an hour after me when I was just about to drop off and my heart sank that I wasn't going to get my delicious sleep - the disappointment was crushing, the physical need was intense - and I said "PLEASE go to the dr about your snoring." He flounced off and said I was abusive and we were finished. I was so so so pleased he was gone out of the room and I could fall asleep I didn't care if I never saw him again. The fact of being able to go to sleep was all I cared about.

He still hasn't gone to the dr though, and he never will, and whenever I raise it he makes it into a row - I can't even mention it without him causing a row and blaming me

Men who think women don't need to sleep can just fuck off.

I don't know what men you encounter but dh isn't like that. On the weekends he sleeps downstairs he also takes the baby monitor in case ds wakes up and let's me lie in in the mornings.

Even if ds has woken him up numerous times he will won't come and get me.

It's just the nights he's in bed where he can be a bit inconsiderate but he doesn't mean to be

Two single duvet don't work, kingsize do because then people cocoon.

Ok needaclevernn - I don't count your dh in that category then!
clearly I just mean my dp and exes

Get a king-size bed and 2 duvets in the Nordic fashion.

See, this is why my parents spent their married life in old-fashioned single beds (i.e. 3' 6" wide) pushed together. Each bed was big enough for both to share for a while, should the mood take them, and luxurious to sleep in alone. Having a separate duvet and mattress was better and the uncomfortable gap in the middle meant they didn't colonise each other's space in their sleep. Try it!

HowBadIsThisPlease, mine is the same. He will not go to the Dr about his terrible snoring, despite knowing how many times he wakes me and disturbs me. I find it so utterly selfish and it really impacts on how I feel about us. I've been in tears about it and he just does nothing. Feel your pain.

So strange OP, I woke this morning thinking I can't go on like this anymore and then saw your thread. I've been able to put up with it for years but toddler has recently graduated out of his cot and we are only in a 1 bed, so he keeps getting into bed with us and it just really highlights how annoying DP sleeps.

Snoring, sweating, hot skin, heavy limbs on me, always wanting to spoon, feel claustrophobic as I'm curled up in a tight ball when I love to spread out. I nap when toddler naps as I get to experience the bed to myself! It was better when we had a california kingsize (ahhh memories ) but now in a standard double and I can't breathe. I now understand why people have seperate beds! I always thought couples were odd to do that... but good sleep is worth its weight in gold.

We have two separate king size duvets in the winter (actually just our summer one on top of the heavier one, but in separate covers), we end up each with our own duvet in the morning, which stops the dreaded draft down the back.

It also means that there is always a spare bit of duvet that I can form into a hillock to stop DH breathing in my face in his sleep.

He has been a hardened snorer our whole relationship and I have maybe woken him four times in six years because of snoring. When I was pregnant and going to the toilet approximately once an hour he had the audacity to wake me every time he was woken by my (extreme pregnancy) snoring! THE RAGE.

I find it hard to fall asleep without him in the bed though!

This thread is filling me with unreasonable rage.

I don't think a SKS bed is the answer - he'll still thrash about and cuddle up to you. And you say that you can't afford it.

But if you can afford another smaller bed, and you have the space, then get one. And blow off his whinging about rejection or whatever the same way he blows off your need for sleep. Just smile and say "Don't be silly, dear" and do what the fuck you want.

He'll just have to get used to it.

I remember I turned round and Dh coughed in my face that was a new low

All these men who won't compromise, it's really sad.

It took me ages to adjust to the fact that DH did not like to cuddle up, and wanted to sleep with his back to me. I did feel quite insecure about it at first, but it didn't occur to me to ignore it and wrap myself around him anyway.

Now we spoon or hug, have a chat, then say goodnight and retire to our respective sides like boxers heading for their corners. And sleep very well.

I love the continental twin beds on holiday, with separate bedding. Especially when it is very hot. Only problem in most UK 'double' bedrooms is lack of space for furniture as well.

Me and DH have separate rooms.

We retire to the sand room for a chat and a bit of TV watching before bed, have sex if we feel the urge to and then when it's time to actually go to sleep I just go to my own room.

It hasn't pushed us apart at all - the fact we aren't asleep next to each other is hardly affecting our relationship. Sleep is just sleep, not quality time.

My DH drove me mad when we shared a bed with his snoring, his heavy movements, up and down to go for a wee, not having the quilt like I like it etc etc - we are much happier and much better rested now that we sleep apart.

It's nice to see I'm not the only one sorry if that sounds bad....

I honestly think dh has some sort of anxiety issue that needs medication (but I know he won't go and see the dr about) as every little niggle ends up as a full blown worry for him.

I will hold my hands up and say we broke up for about 3 days when pregnant with Dd 3 years ago as it all got too much for me. I quickly realised my mistake and we got back together but since then, everytime I go a bit quiet or blue he immediately worries it's happening again.

We don't have a great sex life.
Again this my fault. I don't have the drive. We have currently gone 3 months so far with no sex, so when I suggested the seperate beds, I can see why he freaked

We have a superking bed and bought it when our DS was small and still waking in the night and getting in with us. It was bliss to have the extra room.

DH and I had separate rooms for a time when our relationship was struggling and now we are getting along I do miss sleeping alone! Trouble is now, he would think I was trying to get rid of him if I tried to send him back in the other room.

Luckily DH doesnt snore but I do hate it when he turns over dramatically! We tend to have a dog or two between us now instead of a small boy but are contemplating (or rather I am) separate double duvets. We tried singles but they are to short for him and the longer ones are rediculously pricey.

Those with a superking and 2 double duvets.. Does there seem to be to much spare duvet IYKWIM (if that is even possible). Really keen to give it a go.

OP, I know you said you cant afford a SK bed but what about a second hand base and new mattress (or two singles on the SK base). I find memory foam topper helps keep us to our own sides btw. Lots swear by the 2 duvet thing.

Can you sell it to him that if you could just get more sleep you would feel happier in every way - it does sound as though your DH is terribly anxious and needy. Actually if he knows you have left him once he should try to be more considerate and kind rather than desperately trying to hang on to you. .

My DH and I have had separate bedrooms for years, it's just so much more comfortable for both of us.

Tell him that people are far more up for sex when they aren't exhausted through lack of sleep.