I hate sharing a bed with dh

[NeedACleverNN]

I love him to bits but seriously sometimes it's hard not to smother him in his sleep!

Despite knowing I like my space, he still ends up wiggling closer and closer to me, finally ending up trying to spoon me. He gets an elbow in the gut for that.

He has a bad habit of sleeping with his legs in the air, which then crash down on the bed.

I like sleeping with the duvet cacooned around me.

He lifts it slightly so there's a draft going down my back.

He literally turns into an 8 legged lead octopus when he's asleep. One limb everywhere and weighs a ton so I can't move him.

He manages to angle his head so he is breathing directly in my face

It's all silly petty things I get that and at weekends he sleeps downstairs so I can get some proper rest, but I am not sleeping when he is bed.

He won't entertain separate beds.
He's worried that it's going to push us apart.

I'm worried I'm going to commit murder if I continue to lose sleep.

I'm waking up with a splitting headache and it makes me very irritable.

What can I do?

He sleeps on the sofa downstairs st the weekend cos he knows how much I lose sleep with him in bed but it's not a permanent situation as he cant sleep downstairs forever.

He works 6-2 so is up at 4:45 so likes to sleep in a bed which is fair enough.

And yes the room plenty big enough for two double beds

Is that a literal literal, or a figurative literal? You may need more help than we realise.

Two duvets should help.

He's your boss who allows you two nights a week for decent sleep?? No, thought not so how does he justify his weekend sleeping arrangements?

I wanted to start this thread . Hooray I'm not alone!

We have a super king sized bed and seperate double duvets. I now sleep at the other end of the bed, top to toe. When DH gets in its like a bouncy castle. I FRIGGIN hate it. Seperate beds in seperate rooms would solve it :)

SOrry OP no help but HEAPS of sympathy for you :)

Ah yes - the joy of separate bedrooms. My DH BREATHES when he is asleep. Sometimes I can hear him breathing from the other bedroom. The bastard.

Can you get a massive super King?

He thinks separate beds would push you apart... But really explain that lack of sleep is making you really REALLY suffer.

Better to be intimate when awkae and then sleep separately than murderous all the time!

A figurative literal but certainly feels like a literal literal. I have no idea how he manages it but he does.

And no he's not my boss but he deserves a good night sleep too

Ha ha I love this thread. I can't imagine not sharing a bed with DH but I hate it when he turns over the other way and makes an air gap down my back where I was all cosy. But then if he turns back to me I can feel his cold nose breath - AAAHH!

We have a super king size bed btw - and I still need more space...

Would separate duvets help? You can build a barricade and have your cocoon.

I second the 2 duvet idea- we do it, it i the only thing that stops me killing him. I have been known to give him a swift elbow in the throat 'in my sleep' when he snores, breathes in my ace, won't turn over. I waiting until we move in to our next home, the only stipulation is that the master bedroom has room for a super king size bed. I'd prefer separate beds, he will not entertain the idea.

yes, he needs to sleep too

2 separate beds - you have the room, you're all sorted.

We have a super king bed and I still could have written the OP's post.

I think the issue is that our DH's are seeing sleeping time as closeness time too. I know mine is. We've had separate duvets for the past few nights, after sleeping apart in shifts for months (new, refluxy baby!) and I'm shattered. It's better than the one night we shared the duvet, but I am not coping. I slept better during those five hours I got alone, than I am now when in theory I could be getting nine hours sleep.

YANBU. When our mattress gives up the ghost, I want to get two single beds and push them together. Then I won't be bounced into the air when DH turns over. I've slept like that before with an old boyfriend when we were both students and it really works. DH won't entertain the idea yet but he's going to have to, or think of another solution before I crash out.

I think separate duvets would help the draft bit and maybe the spooning bit. He won't be able to do it with padding.

But not he leg thing. The mattress actually jolts when he does it.
Drives me mad and I am frequently pushing his legs down so they stop flopping

Dp did my head in too - he's very cuddly. So after breastfeeding ds and getting him back into his bedside cot in the early hours, dp would roll over and cuddle me. I just felt like I was everyone's comforter! It was very claustrophobic.

Then we invested in a super king size bed with a firm mattress. Now when ds wants fed, dp doesn't wake up because the bed doesn't move, so he leaves me alone! If I want a cuddle I can still just roll over to his side of the bed.

Two separate single mattresses on a double bed?

Ha we are in the separate duvet club too. Who knew there were so many of us?
Seriously OP it really helps.

I had to reply to this. My DH and I met later in life. Both used to having a double bed to ourselves - he used to sleep diagonally. He would usually get up in middle of night and sleep in spare room. The thing that saved our sleeping arrangements was to buy a super king size bed. This is the equivalent of two singles pushed together (6' by 6'6""). There was even room for DS to sneak into the big gap, in the middle of the night, when he was little.

I carry a small child into the bed and shrug when dh comes to bed. He then sleeps in spare bed. Or on the days I work i ask him to sleep upstairs otherwise he wakes me up and I spend the rest of the night listening to the v loud snoring. I'm shattered by the morning. I remember when we first dated we'd spoon in a single. I'm a bit sad it's at a point where I need to sleep on my own. I don't think he realises how loud the snoring is. Sometimes it's like a gun going off when he snorts.

Separate beds then, have them pushed together. (Then move them apart an inch at a time while he's out 😄)

I'll try bringing up the seperate beds again or at least seperate duvets.

Something has to give and he knows how much I need my sleep.

He can cope on 4 hours and still run a marathon.

I need a good nights sleep of at least 9 hours before I can function

The best solution would be a super king bed frame with 2 single mattresses and duvets. The crack in the middle will deter him from encroaching on your space!
Maybe you could find the frame second hand and the mattresses on special offer?

Oops just read on and saw your comment about price of super King. Will endeavour to read all posts next time! Sorry

I know how you feel op. Over the years I've been woken because he's been looking for a bottle of vodka under the bed..., he used to run a pub and was doing his stock check. I have woke up thinking I was being attacked to find that he was moving me out of the way of a car rolling down the hill. I mean wtf! He now has the worst snoring known to man. We start off together and then I find a bed later. I too would commit murder but realise I do kind of like him when he's awake and also I wouldn't get any insurance money!

Similar problems here and we get round it by sleeping in separate beds in the week and the same bed at weekends.
If he won't countenance that then buy a hotel style bed which consists of two singles that zip up at the middle. It means you can be close but have separate mattresses and duvets. We had one when our boys shared a room as it meant it could be converted to a double if we had guests, and they are great!