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AIBU?

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SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 21/03/2016 07:00

Ooh. You might have MIL on side now that there's a medical reason for excluding the dogs (rather than safety reasons which she discounts IYSWIM). I hope all goes well for you and family this week Flowers

MidniteScribbler · 21/03/2016 07:26

DH said that would be ok but with the tests at the hospital he would rather the dogs weren't there in case DS catches anything at all.

What do you think he's going to catch, kennel cough? He's at more risk of getting an infection from the humans present. I get that you don't like the dogs, but making up silly reasons for them not to be around is hardly going to improve the relationship between DH and his sister.

MetalMidget · 21/03/2016 08:15

Yeah, it's highly unlikely that he'd catch anything from a dog - cross-species transmission of viruses etc is pretty rare (puppies and kittens can carry campylobacter, adult animals don't - you're far more likely to get it from eating or handling poultry). The only issue I would have thought likely would be if the SIL has a house-training/hygiene problem and there's dog poo everywhere, or if the dogs have mange or ringworm (mites and worms can be transmitted to a human, generally fleas can't as they're host-specific).

I'd be more worried about the birthday cake being made from Pedigree Chum and having a couple of Dentastix sticking out of the top. "But my boys love it!"

NeedACleverNN · 21/03/2016 08:20

What midnite and metal said.

You are more likely to catch a cold than anything from the dogs.

elegantlygrey1 · 21/03/2016 08:24

She's working hard to make it 'all about her'.

Bunbaker · 21/03/2016 08:25

I doubt that your son would catch anything from the dogs. I totally understand why you wouldn't want the dogs there, but you need a more plausible excuse than that I'm afraid.

mmmuffins · 21/03/2016 14:48

"DH said that would be ok but with the tests at the hospital he would rather the dogs weren't there in case DS catches anything at all."

You are starting to lose your high ground here, as DS is surely more likely to catch something from the humans present at the gathering, rather than the dogs.

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/03/2016 15:12

"SIL has text DH saying she wants to make a little birthday cake for DS for next week so she can join in singing happy birthday."
So she can make it all about her and everyone must praise the cake etc?

zaryiah · 21/03/2016 20:17

You are being ridiculous and petty about DS catching something from the dogs.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/03/2016 20:27

What is your son likely to catch from the dogs? Confused

Trojanhorsebox · 21/03/2016 20:54

SIL has text DH saying she wants to make a little birthday cake for DS for next week so she can join in singing happy birthday.

He had his birthday, she missed it, her choice.........

2rebecca · 21/03/2016 21:00

I would just say she missed his birthday maybe next year as well. You could meet up but the birthday is over and best put to bed.

WonderingAspie · 21/03/2016 21:34

Why would she make him a cake and sing happy birthday? His birthday has gone, she wasn't interested in being part of it, tough tits to her now.

dubdurbs · 23/03/2016 01:09

You are being ridiculous and petty about DS catching something from the dogs.

Perhaps OP's child is immunosuppressed? I have a family member who has zero immune system who was told to get rid of their pets as they are the leading cause of immunocompromised persons presenting to hospital with infections. Animal diseases are rarely caught by humans, but they traipse all sorts of bacteria in and out of our homes on their feet and fur.

OnlyLovers · 23/03/2016 10:48

SIL has text DH saying she wants to make a little birthday cake for DS for next week so she can join in singing happy birthday.

Hmm

She isn't giving up, is she?

'His birthday's gone, sis. Maybe next year. now piss off'

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/03/2016 11:25

I'm a microbiologist. There are plenty of bacteria out there that will give a human the shits as well as dogs, and dogs are more likely to chew things that harbor such bacteria, subsequently shedding them wherever they go. If someone said to me 'Say, you've got a crawling child who's a bit poorly. Do you mind if I bring my animals into your home and let them wander around chewing/jumping on things?' I'd be precious about it too.

Atenco · 24/03/2016 03:19

I think it's wise to take particular care before a person goes into hospital for surgery. If the date gets put off because of a minor infection, you don't know when it will be rescheduled for. And I love dogs but they can be sources of infection.

mmgirish · 24/03/2016 04:29

You are being ridiculous and petty about DS catching something from the dogs.

No she isn't. Why would you say that?

My son had a major operation when he was young and the consultant cardiologist told us to keep him away from public transport, crowds, sick people and any animals. Any colds or infections will prohibit surgery.

PunkrockerGirl · 24/03/2016 06:24

We were told to put our cat into a cattery for 3 months after dh had a stem cell transplant and had virtually no immune system. Felt very sorry for the cat, but any infection could have killed dh so it was a no brainer really. (And the cat was fine).

DillyDingDillyDong · 27/03/2016 22:48

I've only just noticed that there were other posts on this sorry!

We were just being really cautious about DS picking anything at all up. We've had to cancel going to my parents today as my sister thought my niece had chicken pox, turns out she hasn't though but still a rash and we've stayed clear! SIL announced on Facebook that one of her dogs had worms the week before last and even though we're sure DS won't get his hands on any poo we can't stand waiting another month for these tests so want to do everything we can to keep him in the best possible health. Thank you to those who were able to understand my reasoning!

SIL has been in touch today to find out what time we're going tomorrow and let is know that she can stay for an hour at the most. DH joked and said the dogs will know it's Monday and just think you're at work and she replied saying I think they've realised its a long weekend. Honestly couldn't figure out if she was joking or not but trying to keep the peace for tomorrow!

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 27/03/2016 23:31

She also said that we never showed an interest in the dogs from when she first got them

I have to confess I've never shown the least interest in my siblings or sibling-in-laws' dogs, cats, hamsters, gerbils or any other pet beyond, maybe, saying something reasonably positive if they told me about getting them, or expressing sorrow if they were sad when the pets died. Expecting relatives to take a massive interest in a pet as if the pet were a child is just weird.

Fpmd1710 · 27/03/2016 23:42

YANBU. I have a dog and treat him as a second baby, him and my DS stick together like glue whenever possible and I will take my pooch everywhere I can. I do however clearly understand that some places/events are just not suitable for dogs to be at. What if she turned up with her dogs and it turned out one or more of the kids are allergic to dogs, or have a fear of them; a small tribe of children 8 yrs and younger it could create unnecessary chaos amongst them if one starts to cry or scream because of the dogs.
It is extremely unfair of your SIL to think that bringing her dogs to a small child's party is acceptable.

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 28/03/2016 00:39

Haha, crazy dog lady...Easter Grin

toastedbeagle · 28/03/2016 09:04

I spent 50 mins RTTT last night when I really should have been sleeping. I was crying with laughter by pooper scooper.

EponasWildDaughter · 28/03/2016 10:36

she replied saying I think they've realised its a long weekend. Honestly couldn't figure out if she was joking or not

I know that feeling. A next door neighbor (middle aged, lived alone) while chatting to me about something or other once mentioned to me how she always rang her 2 house cats if she was going to be late home from work.

I must have looked a bit Confused as she kindly explained ''... on the answering machine - you know? I'll ring and they'll hear the message on the loud speaker''.

Ah right! Of course.
Grin

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