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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
anotherbusymum14 · 16/03/2016 06:36

^ and I meant that "I think it's not so much about dogs versus kids and more about her twisted personality". Sorry I typed "I" but it came out "u". Hope that clears it up. All the best with the party (minus the dogs and SIL).

theclick · 16/03/2016 08:54

Is anyone else getting increasingly irate at the way OP's SIL uses the phrase "the boys" to describe her dogs? I know it's not really that annoying but I'm honestly like WTF, just call them freaking dogs!

KatharinaRosalie · 16/03/2016 09:16

'boys' is better than 'your only grandchildren!!' though Grin

Gowgirl · 16/03/2016 09:21

I know it's wrong but this thread has become compulsive!
If she 'turns ' up Saturday with her boys you really should call her a carcass! On a lighter note have you ordered some helium balloons? My lo's loved them even as small babies!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 16/03/2016 09:22

Theclick, my granny used to have two Staffies who she called 'the twins'. Now, I'm a twin and my Dad and uncle are twins (her sons). So one day she said to my auntie "oh, here's a lovely picture of the twins!" Auntie went "oh, let me see," thinking it was going to be either DSis and I as babies, or her DH and my DDad. It was the bloody dogs! who weren't even twins, they were part of a litter of 5 and they only kept 2

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/03/2016 09:37

op as other posters have said, your SIL clearly hasn't considered the implications of if her dog bites a child.

I'd be sorely tempted to look her in the eye and say "If a child gets bitten, your dog may have to be put down AS A DIRECT CONSEQUENCE. Have you considered that?" Mind you she'd probably be distraught (understandably so but still - I think she may need it to be spelt out very bluntly as she's clearly not understanding subtlety.....).

Maples36 · 16/03/2016 10:05

I think if your sister in law finds out that you are sharing her private text with the whole world that will be the end of your relationship anyway.
Would you like someone to do that to a text you sent to someone?

Gowgirl · 16/03/2016 10:21

Maples, this really started when the sil took it to Facebook. I think the op and her family have handled it really well as I would be fuming if anyone pull a stunt like that on me.

RaspberryOverload · 16/03/2016 10:33

Children often don't understand signals from dogs

I'm not a dog owner, and I don't really like dogs. But I've noticed some adults, who are also dog owners don't seem to understand dog signals, either.

If SIL is this precious about her dogs, she may well find that she's in a nasty situation where one of her dogs has bitten someone.

But the overall impression I get is that this is all about the SIL's need to put what she wants first. The dogs are just being used for that.

Alexa444 · 18/03/2016 11:56

Oh just ignore me then Walter I must have misinterpreted. This is why I shouldn't come on here while sleep deprived.

PollyCazaletWannabe · 18/03/2016 13:33

Anyone else excited to find out what happens tomorrow at the party?

Bunbaker · 18/03/2016 13:49

Oh yes. We will need a full update.

Waltermittythesequel · 18/03/2016 16:13

No problem, Alexa. Chocolate

DillyDingDillyDong · 18/03/2016 21:32

Haha I'll post an update tomorrow!

She hasn't even text today to wish DS happy birthday! She has however posted in Facebook about their walk tomorrow!

MIL came round earlier and mentioned nothing at all about her. SIL's partner text DH before to say he was sorry he wouldn't be there tomorrow because he is working but said he hopes to see us soon. DH and him are quite close so I imagine he feels really awkward about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Scaredycat3000 · 18/03/2016 22:03

I hope you have a lovely day Dilly and you have nothing but good things to report.

EverySongbirdSays · 18/03/2016 22:09

I'm just placemarking here - i love this thread!

SiL is batshit - I have a friend who thinks her dog is the oldest grandchild too though she's not alone.

StrictlyMumDancing · 18/03/2016 22:20

Hope DS had a great birthday and the party goes well.
Shame SIL couldn't even muster a happy birthday - that probably shows more that this is a jealousy thing than anything else.

leelu sadly no, DM continues to ignore her batshit crazy unless it involves getting more dogs. I went NC with sister in the end (culmination of lots of batshit), which means I hear all about the crazy but it no longer effects my life anymore!

PinkSnowAndStars · 19/03/2016 00:19

Can't wait until the next update comes!! How do I nominate for classics?!

Gowgirl · 19/03/2016 07:27

It's Saturday! Hope you all have a wonderful day, I'll just pull up a chair and wait here op Wink

londonrach · 19/03/2016 07:38

Have a lovely party op. (Graps a front row seat, comes with present and card for op ds and chocolate for mntters)

Anniegetyourgun · 19/03/2016 07:48

I expect the party will be fine and drama-free (insofar as is possible with a houseful of small children). The crazy stuff will be on Facebook afterwards.

No doubt SIL's partner is rather relieved to have work as an excuse not to take sides.

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/03/2016 07:52

Happy birthday to your DS! Hope he has a fab party Grin

SlimCheesy · 19/03/2016 08:01

The thing I love about fb sometimes is that people reveal themselves to be very odd sometimes..... it can be useful to know this.

I love that you and DH are being so calm and resolute on this issue. I hope you have a great party!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/03/2016 08:12

Texting for a first birthday is nice for the parents but arguably a bit pointless. Has she bought DS a gift? Maybe a nice lead? Or a chew toy?

PhoenixReisling · 19/03/2016 08:26

Place marking Grin

drawers up my comfy sofa with a nice mug of mocha

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