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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL and Dogs!

527 replies

DillyDingDillyDong · 14/03/2016 11:17

NC for this. Not sure if this is more of a WWYD or possibly just a rant!

It's DS's birthday on Friday and we're having a little party in our house on Saturday. There will be about 20 adults and ten children from 1-8.

SIL doesn't have any children, quite often makes a point of saying she doesn't want any, but has two dogs. She text DH last night to see if we needed her to bring anything and DH asked if she could pick a cake up from Costco on the way to save us doing it on Friday. She replied saying that she wouldn't have room in the car for the cake with the dogs being in there.

DH replied asking why the dogs would be in the car and she replied saying that she wouldn't be able to leave them at home for the few hours she is out at the party.

DH ended up calling her up and telling her that the dogs wouldn't be able to come, she then went on to say how the weekend is her time with the dogs and she doesn't want to leave them. She also knows that we've recently had our garden done and so said it would be really nice for them to be able to play outside. He just repeated that the dogs weren't able to come as we are possibly getting a bouncy castle on the day(our friend owns one and can give it to us last minute) if the weather is ok. She accused him of making this up and that he should have made it clear the invite wasn't for the whole family before saying that if her dogs went welcome then she wouldn't be comings do then hung up. DH was just in shock and we couldn't think of anything else to say to her. If she wants to miss her nephews first birthday because she can't leave the dogs for four hours at the most despite leaving them from half seven to half seven every day at work then it's up to her.

She text me earlier to ask if DH had told me what she had said. I replied and said he had and that it was a shame for her to miss the party but the dogs can't come and we had assumed that she would have known that. She replied saying it was a shame that we didn't recognise that the dogs are part of her family. I said that I know she cares about her dogs but this is a child's party and we don't want them here for it. She has just replied with this text

"I feel like you don't realise how important they are to me. They are my family, my babies. I would never not invite DS to my house or say he wasn't welcome or suggest you leave him at home or with a sitter. I'm not going to come on Saturday. I haven't seen DSsince Christmas and was looking forward to it but it's unfair to ask me to give up time with the boys when I get to spend so little time with them as it is."

I am sat here just in disbelief. I don't even know what to say to her.

I know I'm not being unreasonable not inviting the dogs to my house. I just have no idea where to go with this now. DH is in a meeting until one so I can't even call him to tell him what's been said. My jaw is aching from my face just being like this Shock for the last ten minutes! She's always been very precious about the dogs and didn't come to a Christmas Eve thing at our old flat because we didn't have space for the dogs and all the presents were out under the tree etc. But I thought she would be a bit more reasonable about leaving them for a few hours to see DS.

Does anyone have any advice please?!

OP posts:
Cliffdiver · 19/03/2016 08:47

Shamelessly place marking

aginghippy · 19/03/2016 09:04

Hope you enjoy the party Dilly

MrsWigster1991 · 19/03/2016 09:08

Also place marking Grin my in laws are also crazy

PunkAssMoFo · 19/03/2016 09:08

I'm sure she'll love to see pictures of ds opening his presents. Maybe he would like a few toy dogs...

DillyDingDillyDong · 19/03/2016 11:04

She has text DH

"What a shame it looks like it's going to rain later. I know how much you wanted to get a bouncy castle."

Honestly think she's lost it now. She was annoying, a bit self-centred at times and insensitive before but the last week she seems to have just flipped and turned in to a raving mad, nasty piece of work! DH isn't going to bother replying!

OP posts:
DillyDingDillyDong · 19/03/2016 11:06

Thank you to everyone who has wished us well for today, even if you're secretly hoping it all kicks off for the entertainment value! I will try and keep you updated as the day goes on Smile

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 19/03/2016 11:08

Tell him to text back "Yes, it is a shame - first my son's aunt won't attend his first birthday party because of ANIMALS, and then it rains. Oh well."

FullMoonDiva · 19/03/2016 11:12

Bet she's wanting you dh to say she's alright to come now dogs and all Grin

I'd just reply 'not really, they do bouncy castles with covers so we can still get one. Hope the dogs don't get too muddy on your walk lol'

BrideOfWankenstein · 19/03/2016 11:22

I know it's your life, but it's so much more entertaining than mine, so I'm marking my place. Wink

I could bet a tenner that she will show up with her 'boys' in hope that you won't want to make a big deal out of it.

NeedACleverNN · 19/03/2016 11:23

Hope you have a good day today OP.

Come rain or shine

charliedontsurf · 19/03/2016 11:24

My DD turns 1 next month and my dog is going away for the day. I have a bunch of 1 year olds popping over and even though he is the soppiest, kindest, most affectionate (and stupid) little french bulldog, it would still be a bad idea to have him here!

Good luck, OP! I have RTFT and agree with the majority that your sister is very odd to say the least. Happy birthday to baby Dilly 🎂🎁

peachlife · 19/03/2016 11:26

This is brilliant!.

oo oo Dilly PLEASE can DH text SIL back and say "oh we had to cancel the bouncy castle as a very dear friend had to bring their cat/donkey/goat - and you know what their claws/hooves can do !".

Have a lovely time with everyone normal enjoying your little one's 1st birthday - a real milestone.

Why on earth can't she use a good doggy sitter for her pair?. Our much loved woof goes to one who he adores if we go away or are going to be out all day. He goes on long walks and plays with other dogs all day and loves it! probably more than being at home!.

NeedACleverNN · 19/03/2016 12:17

If she does have the audacity to turn up with her mongrels and it certainly sounds like she will, make sure you turn round and either make her leave or shut the dogs in the car.

Otherwise she will have won and will push her luck everytime she wants her own way

PhoenixReisling · 19/03/2016 13:05

I agree with PP.

If when she turns up with her babies, tell her that the muts must stay in the car as they are still not welcome. I would also remind her, that she still has not risk assessed the garden.

The more you post about this the more I think that this isn't about dogs/babies at all.

But her need to be the centre of the universe, for to dictate terms and essentially be a drama llama.

Smilecherishdream2016 · 19/03/2016 13:17

That's a nasty text to send , think your dh has the right idea not to reply she wants an argument . It will annoy her more that she isn't getting a response .
Have a lovely day , 1st birthday parties are special . 🎉💐

MintyChops · 19/03/2016 13:59

Just finished RTFT, she really is very bizarre and seems to be trying to goad your DH with that text about the bouncy castle. Obviously I am hoping she turns up with the dogs, has a massive standoff with you, your MIL intervenes dramatically, everyone turns on everyone else a la Jeremy Kyle and then it really will be a birthday to remember! not really, have a lovely, joyful day

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 19/03/2016 14:28

Finally RTFT!

Dear God, she's a piece of work! I'm also mildly interested to know what breed of dogs "the boys" are.

My MIL has a border collie that she treats like a baby and it's high-strung and under stimulated because it belongs on a farm and not a townhouse.

I love dogs, and grew up with big ones, but they were treated like dogs. Crated, trained, no people food, gated when people visited. I was told "I'm mean."

She refuses to crate her and had her out during my DD's first birthday (I can relate!) and the dog nearly knocked over my elderly grandparents and tried to eat a child's cake.

Happy Birthday to your DS and hope the party is great! FlowersCakeStar

Fatmomma99 · 19/03/2016 14:49

Another one hoping the party goes well and is memorable for all the right reasons - sounds like it's been a long road to this point!

ColdTeaAgain · 19/03/2016 16:51

What a bitchy text. Am sure you'll be having a lovely day what ever the weather.

I agree, she sounds like she has totally lost it. I guess she can't handle people not letting her have her way for once!

WBDmadness · 19/03/2016 16:56

Happy first birthday baby Dilly Cake

Hope he had a wonderful day that won't be spoilt by his batshit aunt.

Thing is a grandchild will have lots of firsts - birthday, word, first day at school. What will bat shit SIL do then? Try and send the dogs to dog school. Hopefully she realised how silly she was and turned up without the dogs.

WonderingAspie · 19/03/2016 17:10

Hope your DD has an amazing first birthday.

What a bitchy text! I'd reply "yes it does look like rain, hope you don't get soaked on your dog walk, you have clearly been looking forward to it given all the Facebook status', but no need for your concern, it's going to be a lovely family gathering, sorry you'll miss it". I'd just be a PA bitch right back.

WonderingAspie · 19/03/2016 17:10

Sorry DS not DD!

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 19/03/2016 17:15

I have children and honestly get the whole fuss about 1st birthday parties

Whatamuckingfuddle · 19/03/2016 17:45

Oh OP I hope you've had a lovely day. My ex SIL was like this. It seems funny but I found living it horrendous. crazy bitch

wheresthel1ght · 19/03/2016 18:06

Hope your da had a lovely birthday party!!

I am desperate for updates Grin

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