Child Vandalizing Furniture

[Angrydad1]

Hi All,

First post. Wanted to know if anyone else had experienced their child destroying furniture. My partners son (who is now my son) used keys etc to engrave into numerous pieces of furniture all on separate occassions. He now appears to have outgrown this (a year or so on) but i am left with the every day reminder on over £1000 worth of furniture all which i purchased and occasionally makes me get angry when i see it. It only is me that ever notices these things and frustrates me that while I am at work my partner should have been more proactive. Like i say this is my first post but this keeps winding me up and thought it might be good to get other peoples opinions.

Thanks All- AngryDad

It depends on the age of the child. A tot with access to keys will engrave. A 14 yo I would be furious.

this keeps winding me up

That's not healthy.

Hi. Was about age 7-8

Is 10 now and is a very good boy. Am i wrong in being angry? Finding it hard to let it go. Thanks

I rather suspect he was testing you. I rather think you have failed that test.

Lol. How do you mean failed that test? Although i have probably failed many more..... All these have been found retrospectively. He engraved his brothers name in massive letters into the wardrobe and his older brother helped him hide it.

How about a one-off investment in a good French polisher then breathing deep and letting it go?
Times have changed, your boy is growing up and has moved out of that phase.
FWIW, I had to live with a 4ft biro cross that my 5 year old carved into the living room wall early one Saturday morning. I managed to get the biro off but the score marks remained until I was able to decorate several years later.

What was your partners reaction to his son carving into the furniture?

Oh, and same son engraved the car with some maths questions at about the same age. Said he was playing schools with the girls next door and they needed a chalk board .
That required a deep breath, copious T-Cut and a drop in expectations about vehicle paintwork standards.

Yes you are unreasonable to still be angry YEARS after the fact! Get over it.

it's been a year, it's past and done. Get furniture repaired and stop being angry.

You can't change what happened but you can change your reaction to it. He's a child and was naughty, move on and try to enjoy him as he gets older

Thanks Harriet. Probably not possible to have them all fixed as some in vaneer based furniture.

Def the type of advise that i need and should let it go. I am very lucky with him (the older one gives me a lot more headaches) but you know when something keeps winding you up every time you see it. ........

I will forget it and then a few months later walk past one of the engravings and then it will get me thinking about the amount he has destroyed. Annoys me that the mum left them to their own devices and it was always me that found these things. Things are better now as she had previously suffered from depression. Thought this might be a source of therapy for me ;)

Probably seems like quite a small thing for a lot of you reading and have never posted anything online

He was a very naughty child but you should have dealt with it then, made your partner pay for the damage.

He was naughty and wrong to do it.

But really still mad about it now?

Please let it go. Kids do all sorts of shit. If my still held everything against me, we wouldn't be speaking anymore

You really need to let this go. This happened in the past, when the child was still settling and finding his place in a new dynamic. What are you wanting to happen?

Janet- Not very constructive comment and although you probably dont warrant a response. Some were only found recently and one was this morning...

Thanks all- Will try harder to let it go!

And kids do do stuff. She can't watch them every second, you need to move on from blaming them and rather patronisingly blaming her.

Get partner to chip in for repairs or replacement furniture if it's getting on your nerves every day.

Not saying you should do this .... When I was 8 or 9 I cut all the trimmings off the bottom of sofa (Lacey looking things with tassels). My dad was livid.... So he cut all the faces out of my posters in my room. New kids on the block were just faceless bodies.

Gutted but I didn't do it again. Makes me chuckle now.

Another time I refused to turn my telly off. By three or four in morning he had had enough and me being cocky said well what you gonna do about it. 5 mins later he walked in and cut the plug off tv.

Gutted again

I think try and move on otherwise you might make yourself resenting child for trying it on

The only time to discipline a child about this kind of thing is immediately after the fact. You can't keep dwelling about it now, it's too late - he has grown up and out of that phase, so should you. (Besides, there's more important things in life than furniture)

Of course it's constructive, what the hell else can you do? I said the same as everyone else

I used to do it . Even as an older child, if i had a hard object and a soft surface. Usually my name. Like the old tin pencil cases at school where it was irresistable to scrape the paint with your compass.

It sound like you're more angry with the child mother allowing it- showing no respect for you or your house. Id be furious with my kids if they marked someone elses furniture- it would only happen once and id offer to repair/replace.

I can understand you forgetting about it and then seeing it again and feeling wound up, but as others said you just have to learn to let it go now.

However, it's a bit strange to refer to your DP as 'the mum'

Its not a test. All 3 of my kids (in a boringly conventional family, no step parent) have written or engraved their names on furniture in their bedrooms at one point - desks or bed. It is something kids do. It's "naughty" but not a test or anything unusual IMO.

I also remember we all engraved things on school desks with compasses at secondary age as another poster says (back in the days of old fashioned real wood desks which you lifted the lid of and put your school books inside in your form room - they even had ink wells!) I guess these days school desks are all plastic veneered plywood so a real wooden bed is very tempting if you are lying awake/ have been sent to your room/ are waiting for the clock to tick around to 7am so you will be allowed downstairs at the weekend.

I express disappointment but no punishment for writing their name once on their own bed - I do see their bedroom furniture as belonging to them not me - but others may handle it differently... However DC2 did write and draw on our wooden stairs age 7 and I was very cross and he was made to remove the writing (although actually he's quite into sanding and varnishing and handman/ DIY type work so it wasn't really the punishment it was meant to be, it was at least a consequence and he did a good job!).