Child Vandalizing Furniture

[Angrydad1]

Hi All,

First post. Wanted to know if anyone else had experienced their child destroying furniture. My partners son (who is now my son) used keys etc to engrave into numerous pieces of furniture all on separate occassions. He now appears to have outgrown this (a year or so on) but i am left with the every day reminder on over £1000 worth of furniture all which i purchased and occasionally makes me get angry when i see it. It only is me that ever notices these things and frustrates me that while I am at work my partner should have been more proactive. Like i say this is my first post but this keeps winding me up and thought it might be good to get other peoples opinions.

Thanks All- AngryDad

[witsender]

'Haters'? I've seen people disagree with you, but I'm not sure that means they should be disregarded...

[ClarenceTheLion]

Children and animals are not natural friends of expensive furniture, sadly! They both fall into the camp of 'exasperating little buggers at times, but we love them anyway!' I recarpeted my house after moving in, and I can remember my cat following the carpet sitter down the stairs, methodically scratching every newly carpeted step. And thanks to her, within a few months, the new carpets looked like ready-to-be-replaced carpets!

Could you take some photos of the damage and post them here? There may be ways to fix the pieces - or at least do something to minimize the damage, or even cover it?

[Abed]

I think engraving names is done deliberately...

[Nataleejah]

Was it on purpose or was it an accident?
Myself i've caused serious damage to furniture without intention. Like spilt ink, glue, overturned a burning candle, not mentioning scrapes with sharp things. shit happens. Get over it.

[DarrenHardysDrongo]

Well that was quickly resolved!

[Angrydad1]

Hi- Final post as seems to be a couple of very different schools of thought over this.

For those who appear to be haters and who offer nothing but cheap put downs and criticism, I pity you. But I also feel sorry for the future people who you are going to offend who may need to voice something which is troubling them.

For those who have suggested that partner pays for the furniture its not really an option but thanks for the idea ;)

For those who have added helpful and understanding comments- I thank you

Winner of the best post goes to "Schwabischeweihnachtskanne". Helpful and made me feel better.

[TheWrathofNaan]

Bitta I agree the time to discipline has gone past but the partner should have made it right. I think that can get addressed now.

[Angrydad1]

Sorry Worra not down with the terms. Got to be honest don't know what DP stands for.

For everyone that has given useful tips thanks very much. Like ive said I never go on chat rooms and so this was my way of a little therapy.

[bittapitta]

thewrath yes a 7/8 year old might've known what they were doing but the time to discipline him was then, not two years on.

[ohtheholidays]

God I know how you feel OP my oldest did some bloody stupid things when he was around the same age and I was careful to supervise him but I also had his 5 year old and 3 year old brothers and his newborn sister in the house and I was on my own.

If he'd done it to a partners furniture that had cost a lot of money I would have been mortified and I'd had saved up to try and get it repaired or I'd have had to cover the cost to replace it.

Have you had a look online to see if there's anything you can buy to cover the marks?There's alot of different products on the market now(we have lots of solid antique wood furniture and 5DC)B&Q sell a few different types.

[TheWrathofNaan]

I think a 7-8 year old knows exactly what they are doing and I would have expected my partner to replace what was damaged especially if it was happening repeatedly!

I too would be irritated every time I saw the damage!

[RhombusRiley]

I'm a bit worried that you are resentful towards your partner for "allowing" this to happen. If you didn't always notice them immediately, nor will she have. When you have a 7-8yo you are not sitting supervising them non-stop, certainly not if you have a household to run, housework, cooking, cleaning, admin, other children to deal with etc. This suggests you don't have much idea of what looking after younger kids is like and you underestimate the work she has been doing. Give her some credit, if this boy is a well-behaved 10yo (not all are) then she has hardly been letting him run wild. Child-rearing is not easy and yes your home and possessions tend to take a bashing. If you don't let this go, you will come over as someone who cares more about the furniture than the kids.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

Angry if you're finding things for the first time now, how are you so sure they all happened years ago?

If years ago though, obviously your current anger does nothing but hurt you and your family. Letting it go can be hard. But if he's so good now, maybe focusing on how your acceptance of him (despite his previous poor behaviour) has helped him mature? Try and see these vandalism so as a reminder of how far you've come as a family rather than how "bad" he was?

[Boomingmarvellous]

For goodness sake let it go.

If he is now 10 and a reasonable child it's just needs to be put in the past, especially as it's in out of the way places that you didn't see at the time. Just try not to see it now.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Its not a test. All 3 of my kids (in a boringly conventional family, no step parent) have written or engraved their names on furniture in their bedrooms at one point - desks or bed. It is something kids do. It's "naughty" but not a test or anything unusual IMO.

I also remember we all engraved things on school desks with compasses at secondary age as another poster says (back in the days of old fashioned real wood desks which you lifted the lid of and put your school books inside in your form room - they even had ink wells!) I guess these days school desks are all plastic veneered plywood so a real wooden bed is very tempting if you are lying awake/ have been sent to your room/ are waiting for the clock to tick around to 7am so you will be allowed downstairs at the weekend.

I express disappointment but no punishment for writing their name once on their own bed - I do see their bedroom furniture as belonging to them not me - but others may handle it differently... However DC2 did write and draw on our wooden stairs age 7 and I was very cross and he was made to remove the writing (although actually he's quite into sanding and varnishing and handman/ DIY type work so it wasn't really the punishment it was meant to be, it was at least a consequence and he did a good job!).

[WorraLiberty]

I can understand you forgetting about it and then seeing it again and feeling wound up, but as others said you just have to learn to let it go now.

However, it's a bit strange to refer to your DP as 'the mum'

[Micah]

I used to do it . Even as an older child, if i had a hard object and a soft surface. Usually my name. Like the old tin pencil cases at school where it was irresistable to scrape the paint with your compass.

It sound like you're more angry with the child mother allowing it- showing no respect for you or your house. Id be furious with my kids if they marked someone elses furniture- it would only happen once and id offer to repair/replace.

[JanetOfTheApes]

Of course it's constructive, what the hell else can you do? I said the same as everyone else

[bittapitta]

The only time to discipline a child about this kind of thing is immediately after the fact. You can't keep dwelling about it now, it's too late - he has grown up and out of that phase, so should you. (Besides, there's more important things in life than furniture)

[Murphyslaw21]

Not saying you should do this .... When I was 8 or 9 I cut all the trimmings off the bottom of sofa (Lacey looking things with tassels). My dad was livid.... So he cut all the faces out of my posters in my room. New kids on the block were just faceless bodies.

Gutted but I didn't do it again. Makes me chuckle now.

Another time I refused to turn my telly off. By three or four in morning he had had enough and me being cocky said well what you gonna do about it. 5 mins later he walked in and cut the plug off tv.

Gutted again

I think try and move on otherwise you might make yourself resenting child for trying it on

[monkeysox]

Get partner to chip in for repairs or replacement furniture if it's getting on your nerves every day.

[witsender]

And kids do do stuff. She can't watch them every second, you need to move on from blaming them and rather patronisingly blaming her.

[Angrydad1]

Thanks all- Will try harder to let it go!

[Angrydad1]

Janet- Not very constructive comment and although you probably dont warrant a response. Some were only found recently and one was this morning...

[witsender]

You really need to let this go. This happened in the past, when the child was still settling and finding his place in a new dynamic. What are you wanting to happen?