To expect MIL to realise that the children call go to bed at 7pm?

[Butttons]

Every time MIL rings during the week it is at 7pm which is when DH and I are putting the children (3 and 6 months) to bed. Every time we tell her "we're a bit busy right now" but she just doesn't fucking get it. If DH isn't at home I don't even answer the phone. It's not as if she wants to speak to the children, she just wants to bang on about her own life. AIBU to expect her to realise, after 3 fucking years, that we're a bit tied up between 6:30 and 7:30?

Sorry having a bit of a rant after a wee incident all over the sofa, DH coming home late, cold dinners for everyone, teething baby and no one being interested in bath time. Last thing I need tonight is a whiney parent in law. .... (goes off to pour 2nd glass of wine)

Just tell her not to ring before 7:30.

Don't answer the phone!

Have you told her that it's bedtime, rather than you are busy, she might not realise you mean busy every night

Have you tried telling her not to ring at that time, rather than waiting for her to get the hint? Some people need a direct approach!

My mom rings me every night sometime between 7.30 and 8.00pm which is a large part of DS's bedtime.

I never ever answer, she always leaves me a voicemail and EVERYTIME that I call her back I tell her not to ring between 7pm and 8.15pm as I'm sorting out DS so I have absolutely no idea why she keeps bloody calling me at the same time each night.

It drives me crackers!!!!

You have my sympathy!!!

Same here....but at 8pm. Grrrr

If you've been answering the phone at that time, you've created the problem. Jeez woman, if you're that busy, dont answer the phone!

I've told her....Several times. Often when there is screaming in the background she carries on wittering on about herself and I have to just cut her off. I just feel so rude though!

I don't answer the phone - DH does!

Every time we tell her "we're a bit busy right now" but she just doesn't fucking get it.

She won't 'get it' if you pussyfoot like that Tell her straight, If you want to speak to us call before 6pm otherwise the phone will not be answered as we are busy putting your GRANDCHILDREN to bed! any calls after that will not be answered as that is 'OUR' time.

Maybe its your dh who needs to say it?

Give her a ring at 6pm , then it's done.

If you have explicitly told her the times that you can't talk due to kids bedtime (i.e. much more explicitly than "we are a bit busy right now") then just stop answering the phone between these times. Switch it to silent. Call her back later.

I get you. My MIL rarely phones tbh but when she does, it's never to speak to the DCs or even ask about them, and nothing short of a bomb would get her off that phone when she has something to say. She phoned last week because DH wouldn't answer his phone at work (she phoned the house and his work 7 times in an hour) and my dad turned up half way through. I said "oh my dad's arrived to fix my car now" and may as well not have bothered, she kept prattling on without pausing for breath.

I would say to your DH not to answer. Tell her straight "we are not- going to answer the phone between these times so don't phone us then, we are unavailable due to bed times" if she still does it, switch the ringer off. She'll have to get the message if she isn't getting an answer. Or she will be like my MIL and do what she wants regardless!

Unplug phone.

So unplug the phone from the wall at that time.

My pil used to do that too. It drove us up the wall right until we agreed not to answer the phone.

Unplug the phone, and turn mobiles to silent, as soon as you start the bedtime routine.

I've had this. But to be honest since I've had small children no time is a good time to phone me.

Either it's day time and they are hanging off me trying to wrestle the phone from me/me from the phone, or I'm cooking dinner, or it's bedtime, or I've just got them to fucking sleep so don't fucking ring now, or they are sound asleep and I want to just sit and not have to talk to anyone about them.

So sympathy.

Actual advice would be tell your dh to phone his poor mother when it is a good time, so it is not yet another thing for you to have to think about, and she can stop desperately trying to get in touch when she knows you're both sitting ducks at home.

My dh rings his parents on his lunch break, when he gets out of work, on a weekend, and they don't hassle at bedtime anymore.

My MIL used to do that too.

She also used to phone me at 10am every morning when DC 1 was a couple of weeks old. I explained that when DS went back to sleep at 6am I would go back to sleep till he woke. She told me that I obviously was not coping and maybe she should come and stay. No just let me sleep!

Why are you answering the phone?

Be smart and unplug the phone just before the bedtime routine, so no one can answer!

Then she will learn!

You say DH answers the phone, but that you won't answer it during bed time routine. Is the real issue that DH refuses to NOT answer it when his mother calls?

Get an answering machine and she can talk to that.

Used to have a friend who always phoned at 7pm with a bright and breezy 'oh you're putting the dc to bed, call me back'. Took me a while to figure out what she was up to, notoriously tight, saving her phone bill.

Surely everybody knows never to phone around that time by now

You've told her and she still call so she hasn't taken the hint or the express message.

Just don't answer the phone. Call her earlier or call her (back) later or get your dh to to do.

I am afraid you don't sound at all sympathetic towards your mother in laws needs. I know it is hard to deal with other's issues and concerns, especially when life is very busy. Does she have genuine concerns or issues? Could you or your dh help her with these, or do you already?