To expect MIL to realise that the children call go to bed at 7pm?

[Butttons]

Every time MIL rings during the week it is at 7pm which is when DH and I are putting the children (3 and 6 months) to bed. Every time we tell her "we're a bit busy right now" but she just doesn't fucking get it. If DH isn't at home I don't even answer the phone. It's not as if she wants to speak to the children, she just wants to bang on about her own life. AIBU to expect her to realise, after 3 fucking years, that we're a bit tied up between 6:30 and 7:30?

Sorry having a bit of a rant after a wee incident all over the sofa, DH coming home late, cold dinners for everyone, teething baby and no one being interested in bath time. Last thing I need tonight is a whiney parent in law. .... (goes off to pour 2nd glass of wine)

My DM phones at 9pm because that's when the DC's are in bed. Except the DC's are 24,22 and 19 I keep trying to make the phone calls earlier as 9 pm is too late for rambling complaining but she isn't getting it

Then your problem is your husband, not your MIL.

There's no law that one has to answer a ringing phone. If he's choosing to interrupt the bedtime routine, ask him why? Why isn't the kids' routine his priority over a ringing telephone?

Record a voicemail message saying "Buttons and ButtonsDH are always unavailable between and please call before or after (or whatever suits). If that doesn't work, re record it saying "MIL, NOT NOW"

My ex mil was a nightmare for phoning just as we were getting the kids settled for the night....my exh would always stop was he was doing and go flying down the stairs and then be stuck on the phone for ages thus spoiling our night.....soooo i started just pulling the line ever so slightly out of the socket....no one noticed and hubby never knew she was calling....win win x

My landlord used to do this!

Usually about 10, when I was getting ME ready for bed. Ds was in bed (with the phone outside his door as it was the only place it reached.

He didn't even want anything. Just to ramble...

So I got rid of the phone line! He was the only person to ring it.

Go with what others have suggested. Mute it. Unplug it. Answer message. LTB. Whatever suits...

I'm for the unplugging it suggestion. In fact, I think I left it unplugged untl DS was about five.

And took the batteries out of the doorbell come to think of it.

You've tried telling her by pussy footing around, now just say please don't call before 7:30 as we put the children to bed at 7.

Failing that just don't pick up the phone even when your husband is home, just call her back if you have too once you've sorted the children.

I once unplugged the phone for marital purposes, then my dm got really worried as she knew we were in and she rang our mil in panic that something awful had happened to us. If we turn off the phone nowadays mil rings every mobile in our house till someone answers(all 4). Really hard to get an uninterrupted you know what before 11pm these days. Just ignore, ignore, ignore all those unnecessary demands our dms and milsplace on us as much as possible op. Family life comes first.

FIL used to do this every night at 7pm, took months to get it through to him but he was always really apologetic and got straight off the phone, then just did the same the next night.

Now he phones at 4pm when we are at work, we often go weeks without checking the answerphone and have told him to call our mobiles but he doesn't bother and moans that he can never get hold of us

I don't get this. Yes it's fucking annoying and thewoman needs to catch on to herself. But when dh and I are doing bedtime our phones go on silent and the landlines is unplugged, and that's just in case. We don't have anyone who persistently calls at that time, I don't understand why you wouldn't do that, given that you do?

Get your husband to call her back when the kids are in bed if he wants to.

DH problem.

Unplug phone.

Problem sorted.

I'm nc work Mil, dh is not. I noticed a pattern of her calling him pretty much the moment I put dinner on the table. Every fucking night. I knew it was another PA trick and after a while I think dh twigged as well. Words were had and he now calls her in his time.
If your dh won't deal with it I agree, unplug the phone.

MIL always used to call at 6.30, just when she knew dh would be teaching (6-9pm) and that was the only time I got to write my essays (final degree year). As dh and I hadn't been married long I couldn't just jang up on her, it just felt too rude. Nor could I not answer the phone or unplug it, as it could just as easily be work coming in for dh. She could witter for England, that woman. She always started "you're not busy are you?" and then, regardless of what I had said ("yes, I'm studying/writing an essay/working") she'd say "good, I just wanted to ask you something......" Without ever asking me anything, she would go like a wind up toy for as much as 45minutes.

I was too well brought up! I simply couldn't be rude to my MIL. Dont't be like me. When you hear her voice you say "busy now, call before 6 tomorrow" and hang up. Your children are more important.

Answer the phone yourself. Have a nice chat while DH copes with bedtime alone. Repeat until he asks her to phone at a different time :)

If we are eating dinner, I will not answer the phone, (unless one of the DC is out, in which case, I will check if it's them).

My PIL are the same, in that they do not speak on the phone, if they are sitting down to dinner.

But, earlier in out relationship, if they rang us, DH would answer, and would talk to them. After a couple of times, I pulled him up on it, and pointed out that I wasn't doing anything different to them, by not wanting a family dinner interrupted by a social call.

I think your DH may need reminding that it isn't unreasonable to expect them to ring at a more convenient time, especially as they have already been told. He can always phone them back once the DC are in bed. They'll get the message, in the end.

Agreed there is no good time! Dc go to bed at 8, but the whole 6 to 8pm period is just a rushy chaotic blur of dinner, clear up, bath stories bed.

I think your DH needs to preempt her by phoning earlier in the day.

MIL does this all the time. It drives me crazy. I either don't answer the phone or I answer it with a screaming child on my shoulder, that ends the call pretty sharpish. Makes no bloody difference though.

Have you tried giving her a set time to call?

Giddy, I like your suggestion best

MIL has form for this, it is very rare she rings but it's usually from 4:30/7. I've cooked whole meals talking to her and we've eaten it befor she finally says oh I better let you cook that meal then, she wasn't to impressed with the reply 'We're just finishing eating now!', it's called speaker phone. It is annoying but nothing on the one night she rang just as we were starting stories to ask OH if he had been on FB recently. He hadn't. The long and the short of it was she is a nasty gossip and wanted him to confirm that it was his old school friend that had just died suddenly so she could gossip and attend the funeral. OH was rather shaken trying to finish bed time, then dutifully checked FB and phoned her back. She will never have empathy.

Put phones to mute during those times?

My MIL decided, when DDs were around 1 and 4, that a visit to the house every single day at 7.00pm, was a great idea.

We lived down the road at the time and despite us asking her not to do it, she carried on.

We moved a long way away

OP, just unplug the phone.

I don't have a house phone everyone uses our mobiles to contact us therefore, if it were me I'd just put my phone on vibrate or silent.

I have this problem but with my DIL's mother!! DIL refuses to have long conversations with her, and my son keeps them brief. The thing is she is a PITA and only wants to talk about herself. So it goes "How are you" and sometimes I might say "Oh had backache today" and off she goes about her bad back/cracked ribs (they're not) dizzy spells, headaches, pain in her feet and god only knows what else. My DP usually answers the phone and he's really good at cutting it short without being rude. I sometimes hold the phone under my chin and do something on the laptop.

I think a grandmother that wants to talk about herself when her grandchildren are being put to bed is highly insensitive. I agree with someone who said get an answer phone, and then if DH wants to call her when the children are asleep then that's up to him.