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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect MIL to realise that the children call go to bed at 7pm?

70 replies

Butttons · 08/03/2016 20:24

Every time MIL rings during the week it is at 7pm which is when DH and I are putting the children (3 and 6 months) to bed. Every time we tell her "we're a bit busy right now" but she just doesn't fucking get it. If DH isn't at home I don't even answer the phone. It's not as if she wants to speak to the children, she just wants to bang on about her own life. AIBU to expect her to realise, after 3 fucking years, that we're a bit tied up between 6:30 and 7:30?

Sorry having a bit of a rant after a wee incident all over the sofa, DH coming home late, cold dinners for everyone, teething baby and no one being interested in bath time. Last thing I need tonight is a whiney parent in law. .... (goes off to pour 2nd glass of wine)

OP posts:

BackforGood · 09/03/2016 00:46

YABU to answer the phone and mutter about "being a bit busy"

Just don't answer.
When you speak to her, repeat that you won't answer between x and y, because you are bathing the dc and reading them stories, so if she wants to speak to you it needs to be before x, or after y. Then don't answer. Repeat as many times as needed.

allnewredfairy · 09/03/2016 07:08

My DD always calls when Emmerdale is on.
I shout 'Emmerdale' down the receiver and put the phone down. Doesn't stop her...29 years old and she still doesn't get it!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/03/2016 10:49

My parents always call for a skype/facetime chat at 10.30pm. As do my siblings often. I get up at 6am every morning so they get short shrift and have gradually gotten the message. Ignoring it, always setting mobile phone to silent and replying to texts in the morning has gradually driven home the message.

They are overseas so if they call the landline in the middle of the night then I know there's an issue if they are paying for the call

Giddy's idea is definitely the best though. Any death glares easily dealt with "do you want me to be rude to your mum?"

Original poster

Butttons · 09/03/2016 12:40

Thanks for all the advice and sympathy - good to hear it's not just my MIL!

giddy - love your suggestion! Will do this until he agrees to ignore the phone and let the answerphone take it

OP posts:

BayLeaves · 09/03/2016 12:45

We unplug the landline when we don't want to be disturbed. You can tell people to contact you on the mobile instead. Then you can ignore the call and take it in your own time. If it's an emergency they can text or make multiple missed calls and you'd soon realise.

Andrewofgg · 09/03/2016 12:56

MIL was the same. A creature of habit, she'd always rung at 6.30 before DS was born, why would she change?

I couldn't unplug the phone - possible urgent calls - but we let her calls go to the answering machine. The one day she said I hate those machines, why don't you answer your phone? and I blew at her about it was obviously a bad time, that was why she was getting the machine, it wasn't rocket science, she could ring after 7.30 . . . and she got the idea. She was maddening but not (entirely) stupid.

DW was and is much more like my lovely FIL - we would never have have married if I had thought otherwise!

Vinorosso74 · 09/03/2016 13:00

My FIL used to call early on a weekend morning 7.30/8.00. He's up at 6 everyday regardless so assumes everyone else is.
He does this less often now more like 8/8.30 but it annoys the hell out of me. DP tells him not to do her gets a strop doesn't do it for a while then does it again.
I don't work know but he went through a phase of calling in the morning in that 10mins before we had to leave.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/03/2016 13:03

Another solution is to stick the ipad on the dinner table out of reach of the kids and skype her every other day so "they can talk to Granny" while they eat / wait for food to be served. She can blether on and you can get on with what needs doing.

Luciferbox · 09/03/2016 13:10

FIL does this. I don't answer and then he'll ring every mobile consistently assuming we've all been kidnapped and murdered. We've been doing this for 4.5 yrs.

Ethylred · 09/03/2016 13:17

The resentment shown on this forum towards people who are, after all, mothers, is always amazing.

SatsukiKusakabe · 09/03/2016 13:31

The key there is shown on this forum. In real life they are picking up the phone even though it stresses them out, or ignoring then calling back later, then venting anonymously.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/03/2016 14:36

The resentment shown on this forum towards people who are, after all, mothers, is always amazing.

And don't forget DP's, DH's, inconsiderate parker's, neighbour's, school gate mums, delivery drivers who can't ring the doorbell etc etc etc,

The whole point of this forum is to have a bloody good rant about the small stuff in life that winds you up, the same stuff that if you had a meltdown about in real life would appear so trivial and inconsequential people would fear for your mental health.

ollieplimsoles · 09/03/2016 14:46

Ethylred mil threads tend to attract people who have a difficult relationship with their mils, its not the whole forum

My mil rings our mobiles first, always bed time, when we inevitably don't pick up, she calls the house phone.

2rebecca · 09/03/2016 14:59

I wouldn't want daily phone calls from anyone. Agree with turning the ringer off or unplugging the phone when you put the kids to bed. Let your husband answer the phone and chat to her if it's always his parents.
I never wanted a daily phone call routine, would find it too intrusive. OK when they become frail and housebound I suppose

specialsubject · 09/03/2016 15:04

I've been plagued on the landline with 'unavailable' calls. Have just bought a call blocker and it is WONDERFUL.

it also has a function that allows you to block certain numbers, and then unblock them if required.

just saying...for those who really cannot get when is a good time to call...

EponasWildDaughter · 09/03/2016 16:04

I agree this would be a non issue if the DH stepped up and sorted it. Either by going along with the not answering or getting his mother to stop calling at that time.

My MIL usually rings during the week at 8 ish. She doesn't get up till midday and rarely goes to bed until the early hours of the morning so this is like mid afternoon for her. It's fine.

Before DD was born, when DH and i were newly moved in together, she went through a stage of calling us on a Saturday night at about 10.30pm when we were very pissed and shagging all over the house asleep. Just for a chat We answered the phone the first couple of times she did it thinking it was an emergency. Like you would.

DH asked her not to and she stopped.

She then rang us at 10pm during the week a couple of times when DD was a couple of weeks old. We go to bed by 10 at the latest even when we haven't got a new born as DH is up early for work. Everyone knows this. She did it twice and DH asked her not to and she stopped.

I till don't understand why you'd ring anyone up so late under either of these circs, but DH nipped it in the bud and she was gracious enough to take his hint straight away. So good on my MIL.

gotthemoononastick · 09/03/2016 16:34

Another one for the poster who is making a spreadsheet of rules for when she becomes a Mil.

No.3655,,,Phoning at any time is inconvenient and a pain,so don't do it.Ever.

SatsukiKusakabe · 09/03/2016 17:01

Only need one thing on that spreadsheet...ask what would suit, listen to the answer. Goes for pretty much everything.

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 09/03/2016 17:02

Another one here, but it's dsis and it's school pickup time, bloody hell the eldest is in year 3 hasn't she worked it out yet? And no I don't answer, so she calls again the next day at the same bloody time. The woman is a highly qualified professional ffs..
It's the annoyance factor rather than the inconvenience and then she posts whatever her news is all over Facebook anyway

GogoGobo · 09/03/2016 18:02

ohgod
My sis does the same and I cannot witter for 40 minutes at 3.45pm EVER but she calls every day.
Then I get "hi" via text and Facebook messenger and my heart actually races with irritation.
This however is pipped by my Sil who tries to FaceTime me at 6.30 pm and I have to reply "just doing bath time, can't talk"
Arghhhhhhhhhhh

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