To feel like my step mum has stolen my dad from me even though I'm a grown woman?

[Feellikeim10again]

I apologise in advance for a very rambley ranting post!

My dad and her met when I was about 7, I lived with my dad just me and him and were very close and continued to be.

When I was 20 they had a child together, that's when things started to change.

She stayed nice for a while until the last few years.

She has now told me I am out of the will, throws massive surprise parties for my dad and doesn't invite me, she deletes my texts to my dad asking us to meet and she once even turned up alone saying he was busy (he had no idea until I told him a few weeks later)

She takes down all of the pictures of me and DD from the house when my dad puts them up and says she doesn't know what happened to them.

I have a young DD, and if he says anything nice about my DD she then says 'oh but OUR dd was much better than that at her age' Her DD is 10 now!! If he offers to babysit once in a while when I'm at work she says no he can't because he should be spending time with there child. (He works 2 mornings a week so is home all the time anyway)

She makes comments like how her DD is an only child and how my dad started fatherhood older (NO HE WAS 20 I am his child too!)

I feel pathetic even writing this , but after all these years it's really starting to get to me. For so many years it was just me and my dad and although I understand he has his own family now, I still want him to be a part of mine.

The last straw was when I asked to borrow some money from him for a boiler repair recently. He immediately said yes of course. I then got a text from her saying 'actually we won't be sending you any money, we need to save for our childs future and I don't think this is an appropriate way to spend our money' my dad is filthy rich - think 7 figures - she has never worked since the day she met him, yet makes his decisions now?

She is so nice to my face and acts like we're best friends when he is around but I can see through it all and I hate it. He is oblivious.

Do I need to just suck it up and accept I'm not really going to have a relationship with my dad anymore? Is there anything I can even say? Am fully prepared to be told I am being a baby and UR just wanted opinions.

So much is this is sadly familiar.

Some of you have talked about being made to feel like an OW. I had this too. In fact my SM actually used to argue with my Dad (full on screaming arguments, lovely) in front of us saying stuff "you treat her more like like your wife than me". I was about 14 years old at the time.

Also being grandpa of the year with my step siblings children while barely bothering with his own grand children.

Oh Kingfisher that's awful, I'm so sorry. Not even bring able to say goodbye to your Dad.

*being

Sorry for the fourth post on a row (I know it's self indulgent) but something else has popped into my head.

When I read people talking about the lovely relationship they have with their Dads, I feel at once envious and incredibly sad - I'll never know what that's like.

Does anyone else recognise that?

I'm watching this unfold with my children and their dad. Latest thing was sending all the clothes they had been bought by him to wear when staying, back to here. Oh that and sleeping on the front room floor when they stay 😞. No longer allowed to the stairs at night.

I wasn't invited to the wedding of my DF and one of my SM's (I've had a few). They sent us off to school, hadn't told us they were getting married and when we arrived home, showed us the rings and informed us.

I was due to perform in a show that evening, months of preparation and practice. However, they were planning to have a party and told me that I'd have to miss my show. I explained that although I was happy for them, I would not consider letting my friends/ teachers down. I walked out to a friend's house and got myself to the show.

My SM was FURIOUS and took it out on me for years after that. It was the worst she'd ever behaved and her behaviour prior to that had been borderline abusive!

Oh yes, we also had a surprise wedding that neither me nor my sib was invited to.

I'm beginning to wonder if there's some sort of dysfunctional relationship rulebook they're all reading...

girlsmum so sorry to hear that - can they stop going?

Yes ada I recognise that feeling!

I've had this happen to me too. My mother died and within weeks my father was dating. He didn't give my brother and I any time to come to terms with things before he was asking me to come and help him clear my mothers things out.

His GF was icily polite and on the surface nice but once I told my dad I thought things were moving a bit fast and my DB and I were struggling,to come to terms with it she broke her quiet demeanour and lashed out big time. She just couldn't wait to start an arguement, looking back I can see she had an agenda and she is now playing it out.

She Threatened to break up with my DF unless he had nothing to do with me as I was 'interfering' in their relationship (they were the love of each others lives by all accounts)

My father told me he wanted nothing to do with me and has cut me and his only two GC's out of his life. She moved straight in, stripped the house of anything that was my mothers and is proceeding to spend my fathers money like it grows on a tree out the garden. Her GC's are there all the time and he plays the doting GF to them.

I've broken my heart over it but as time is going on I have realised that ive seen his true colours and he is only interested in where he can park his dick.
She felt I was a threat, nothing more - she's ok to my brother, it's bizarre.

I believe in karma, what goes around comes around 😏

I keep typing things and deleting them because I can't quite find the right words.

I'm so sorry for everyone who has been there and is still going through it. And for those of us who have been caught up in it all through no fault of our own, as adults and children.

NC for this.

So many things that ring a bell. Shitty SM behaviour whilst 'D'F stands by handwringing saying he doesn't want to get involved - check! Secret wedding that my sibling and I (or the rest of DFs family) were only told about after the fact - check! Grandfather of the year to his stepgrandchild - check! Limited interest and involvement in his bioGC - check! I could go on. It really hurts. I've distanced myself to limit my exposure. Like others have said, its the men that are the problem. SMs like this are vile, but its the men that let them get away with it. My SM used to be quite sly about it, being nice to me in front of DF, but then she let the mask slip and he didn't pull her up on it, quite the reverse. It brought me up short, but at least I know where I stand and can plan my future accordingly.

So many sad stories here.

This thread has got me thinking. OP I really hope you can take some comfort that it's not just you in this situation if nothing else.

Just thinking out loud here - wondered what people thought about a support type thread for this? Just to chat? If people like the idea I'd be happy to start it off.

Wow it's not often that a thread upsets me so much - and my earlier comments while well meant are not that easy in practice

Seen this in RL too but not on such a vile scale

At least you have found each other as that will help

Flippinada - I'm in if you want to do a thread.

And me

Me too

Ok, how about in the relationships topic, unless anyone has a strong preference for another board?

Relationships seems the obvious choice :)

Ok, I've set up a thread with the wildly original name "support for stepchildren". Not very original I know but self explanatory.

Sorry not sure how to link - I'm on my phone

In the relationships topic - sorry forgot to add that!

My DH is in the position you're all in. His DF doesn't see much of his family and loads of hers. Limited interest in his DGC