To wonder, where will a Trans pupil sleep on my DS's Europe trip?

[VioletVaccine]

In DS's form, there is a M2F trans pupil, aged 14. For the purpose of this, I'll call her Jenny, who used to be Jack.
Jack now identifies as Jenny, and is accepted as the gender she identifies as.
I don't know (it's none of my business) whether she takes hormones or not, but she dresses, lives, and wants to be considered as a female.
The vast majority of people have been accepting and understanding of the difficulties faced.
Jenny uses the disabled or staff bathrooms, and has a separate area to change after (girls) PE.
However, when the school year travel to Europe this year, I want to make a polite enquiry as to the sleeping arrangements.
This is a 6 day trip, 6 days 5 nights.
Boys are generally in one area of the hotel during school overnight excursions, and girls in the other, with respective form tutors overseeing the pupils when lights go out.
Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.
However, despite how she feels, she still has a Penis.
Should she really be in a dorm with three other girls?
Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't.

And similarly, should someone who believes they are female, be forced to share a dorm with 3 teenage boys she isn't friends with?

Im hoping for some thoughts on how you'd handle this, and also, how to actually broach it with DS's school without being labelled a transphobic woman, a bigot, or any of the other terms that are so commonly used when you question the logistics of a situation like this?

Thank you.

With regard to precedent setting...

It wasn't that long ago that a child in a wheelchair would be excluded from a trip like this sheered because of their disability.

One family stood up and said "this is NOT on" and fought for their child's right to be included - possibly even sleep in the same room as other, non-disabled children.

They set a precedent, and things changed for the better because of it.

I think my main concern with this is there are many many places that have long been subject to sex segregation, for the comfort, safety and wellbeing of both sexes. Bathrooms, showers, changing rooms, hospital wards, prisons, refuges, mental health units, rehabilitation facilities, the list goes on.
If this is accepted as the safest and most beneficial for all concerned, I just think it would be foolish to waive the rules and allow it for a group of emotionally immature and hormonally charged 14 year olds away from their parents for a week.

Are you comparing the trans student in this scenario to the disabled students of the past? It just is not the same.

The children are separated by sex. If a girl and a boy are best friends and both are gay, presumably they still will not be allowed to share a room because rooms are shared by those of the same sex. However, Jenny feels, they have a penis and therefore should not be in a room full of girls. If they are uncomfortable sharing with boys, I understand that and they should be allowed to have their own room.

Are you disabled? If not, i'd appreciate a retraction.
Not in my name.

My dc's school has specifically stated in writing and at a meeting that the dorms used for her school trip will all be single-sex. One of the kids going is trans (mtf).

I do know though that all the parents of the girls she is sharing with have agreed.

They are 10.

How old am I? What's that got to do with anything? I'm 32 if you're that interested.

Then they are fools ceeceecee - teachers and parents.

And it's not the same thing as not letting a disabled kid go on the trip. The kid is allowed. But if you want to compare it to disabled rights, there are plenty of situations where a disabled person should have their own room, and that's not being discriminatory, that's being sensitive to all. not that Katie can see that

When have I ever mentioned disabled children!? Wow

Violet If you phrase the question exactly like that then I wouldn't consider you a transphobic bigot (OP's own words for people who missed that in the OP)

As a parent you have every right to be aware of school policy. It should be transparent and open for parents to question.

Howvever I would accept there will always be scenario's that have to be considered on a case by case basis. If I ever felt there were safeguarding issues I'd tackle the head, then escalate to the governors, worst case scenario being that I remove my child which is extreme but not every school will support every parent's views/parenting.

callmeexhausted mentioned disabled children. It's not all about you Katie

Sorry but at transparent policy.

As you were...

You're the one who said I can't see that when you were discussing disabled children

Don't be sorry titchy but if you could elaborate?

Ceeceecee do you mean the trans student will be in with the girls? Because that's not single sex, that's mixed sex

Are you also going to be asking if any other of the girls are lesbian or if the boys are gay?! If you are worried that you sound transphobic.... you probably are. Sorry.

Who are you worried for - your son? Why does it bother you so much? If you have a specific concern that affects your son then just call the school and ask to speak the teacher organizing in confidence. If you don't have any specific concerns that affect your son then it's non of your business.

Can't you just presume that as the school ordinary have been ensuring that the pupil had appropriate changing/ toilet facilities etc that school have also carefully considered the most appropriate sleeping arrangements.

Have a thought for the feelings of the pupil concerned as they are probably already going through a pretty difficult time facing prejudice every day.

I agree Bunny, policy and guidelines should be in place to protect everyone. Including Jenny. The OP should have as much right to know about Jenny's sleeping arrangements as Martin Bloggs' dad has to know about Mary Smith's sleeping arrangements. None. It's none of her business.

OP, I am sure the school will provide you with a copy of their policies regarding school trips if you ask them. No need to ask about an individual child who has nothing to do with you.

Transparent is the title of an Amazon series about a dad who becomes a mum. It's a play on the words trans and parent.

Grumpy

Conflating sexuality with gender dysphoria is not helpful

Titchy thanks for sharing the "lolz"

Mummy I would normally agree with your standpoint. However if you take out the physical attraction aspect I think every parent has a right to know about the school's policy on this. I however would accept if they make provisions for individuals on a case by case basis.

If in this particular situation the friends and parents are all in agreement - and this was done by the school consulting and advising anonymously if one or more parents declined to give consent - then I really can't see the problem of Jenny sharing.

Slaps head on forehead for participating in hypothetical debate!!

Beyond yes, I am disabled. As is my daughter.

I was excluded from a residential trip because my need for a wheelchair was "too complicated"

Thankfully, thanks to a precedent that has been set, she will not experience the same exclusion.

I wouldnt care tbh. Nobody knows her sexuality so there is no proof she will have sex with anyone and she is no different to a lesbian girl in your dd class, she just has a penis.
The only thing she may look at the other girls bodies out of curiosity but then again i did that at that age and im not gay or trans.