To wonder, where will a Trans pupil sleep on my DS's Europe trip?

[VioletVaccine]

In DS's form, there is a M2F trans pupil, aged 14. For the purpose of this, I'll call her Jenny, who used to be Jack.
Jack now identifies as Jenny, and is accepted as the gender she identifies as.
I don't know (it's none of my business) whether she takes hormones or not, but she dresses, lives, and wants to be considered as a female.
The vast majority of people have been accepting and understanding of the difficulties faced.
Jenny uses the disabled or staff bathrooms, and has a separate area to change after (girls) PE.
However, when the school year travel to Europe this year, I want to make a polite enquiry as to the sleeping arrangements.
This is a 6 day trip, 6 days 5 nights.
Boys are generally in one area of the hotel during school overnight excursions, and girls in the other, with respective form tutors overseeing the pupils when lights go out.
Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.
However, despite how she feels, she still has a Penis.
Should she really be in a dorm with three other girls?
Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't.

And similarly, should someone who believes they are female, be forced to share a dorm with 3 teenage boys she isn't friends with?

Im hoping for some thoughts on how you'd handle this, and also, how to actually broach it with DS's school without being labelled a transphobic woman, a bigot, or any of the other terms that are so commonly used when you question the logistics of a situation like this?

Thank you.

Katie

"If you care about them having sex, then the same concern should be for all the boys and the girls as they can too"

It is. That is why there is something called sex-segregation in dormitories.

"However, if it's the babies part, teach your kids about condoms - it's not all Jenny's problem!"

As reasonable as your suggestion is that 14-year-old girls should all carry condoms in case a male sleeping in their room gets a hard on I think I'd rather stick with the sex segregation in bedrooms.

OP you really aren't making yourself sound too clever, honey

it's your business - no it isn't. Just because your son is in this year, doesn't make it your business... Stop trying to poke your nose into other people's lives and use your son to do so... I can imagine how you are, tbh - the one who has to know everything about every pupil. If a child in your son's year had a bowl/bladder problem, is it your business to know where they're sleeping so they can reach the toilet? No! It's the child's and their parents... Bloody hell!

it's not identifying - hmm, are you serious? You may not have used the names or the country, but it doesn't take a detective to realise of this thread is about you... A trans 14 year old MTF going away to Europe, sleeping in the same room as a few girls that are friends... You'd know it was about you and I think Jenny and her parents would be mortified... Seriously, sort yourself out and stop getting so obsessive over everyone else's business.

"We have to decide in law if a someone can completely change sex and work from there"

As far as I'm concerned it's been decided. In plenty of countries you can change your sex on your birth certificate, which is mind boggling.

I would also feel sorry for them, Sparkling, should they read this. I'm happy to assume they are lovely, as is their child. But hurt feelings are not a good enough reason to be silent. This is an important issue.

Hurt feelings are basically the reason thrown at us TERFS to shut up. We're responsible for the actual harm of transpeople, every time we speak up. We contribute to self harm and suicide and bashings. Sometimes facts hurt feelings. Doesn't make them any less true.

I think the kid in the wheelchair should be made to climb stairs just in case he feels left out. Ignore the biology just go with the child's hopes.

Cote I was on about boys having sex with other boys and girls having sex with other girls. I'm not suggesting girls go away with condoms, but if you suspect they might be having sex with someone, as a parent, you'd talk them out of it, or if you can't, advise the best you can. Condoms aren't that scary you know, you put one on a banana in Yr 9...

We have no idea about how the parents feel about any of it. They may not have chosen anything, they may be dead against it. We don't know.

I'm not really sure where all this talk about rape is coming from. There are plenty of other issues associated with sharing a dorm,
One of them being naked/near naked.
One beinbg the fact you can't really 'hide' the fact Jenny has no breast and a penis.
Most of these teenagers will never have seen a boy their age naked. Do we want to put them in a situation where they will have to?
Jenny, I would imagine, would not want to see her 'difference' highlighted to the other girls. You can forget Jenny is a male (sex) when they are dressed up etc... But would Jenny go to swimming lessons with girls for example (where the fact she has a penis will be obvious)? I can imagine that could put her in a very difficult situation.

Shorthand it cant happen without the parents agreement, can it.

A child can not transition without the parents agreement.

*KatieT12

OP you really aren't making yourself sound too clever, honey *

I'm just trying to have a reasonable conversation about an issue which is becoming more and more apparent as time goes on, and will affect more and more children either directly or indirectly as time goes on.
If that doesn't make me sound too clever honey that's fine. I'm not the only person who feels this way.

There are parents who go along and transition children who are boys but want to wear dresses at three. So some parents definitely choose to transition their children. Perhaps if they didn't force gender roles down their kids throats their kids would be happy in their own skin.

Katie, it's everybody's business.

This is a precedent that will be set, based on a group of kids in one isolated incident saying they're cool with it.

There needs to be a proper definitive boundary and rule set to cover this and any future trans issues in school trips within that school.

It is to protect all of the children, the boys, the girls, the Jennys and the Jacks.

Which parent would deny their child to change tho? I've come across many trans children/parents, due to my work and parents often say "I'd rather a transitioned son/daughter, than a dead son/daughter"

Not too many five year olds are committing suicide are they???

A child can have medical treatment without their parents agreement if they are deemed capable of making that decision.
Buying and wearing certain types of clothes are not medical treatment. It would be impossible to do that consistently without the parents agreement.

Katie I would actually expect any person with a penis and a hard on to be able to control themselves and not have sex in a dorm.
Why on earth it should be up to the girls/women to always have a condom with them just in case a person with a penis wants to use said penis is mind boggling....

When did I ever mention 5 year olds? A 5 year old isn't allowed to transition - they are not allowed to take any medication, I'm referring to children hitting puberty and needing to take hormone blockers

CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT A MTF TRANSITION THAT THESE PROBLEMS ARISE RATHER THAN ALSO WITH A FTM TRANSISTION?

Love I'm referring to all the children... Why do people assume the boys are the ones to instigate sex? Girls can do, ffs

Sorry for caps...