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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder, where will a Trans pupil sleep on my DS's Europe trip?

1001 replies

VioletVaccine · 06/03/2016 21:11

In DS's form, there is a M2F trans pupil, aged 14. For the purpose of this, I'll call her Jenny, who used to be Jack.
Jack now identifies as Jenny, and is accepted as the gender she identifies as.
I don't know (it's none of my business) whether she takes hormones or not, but she dresses, lives, and wants to be considered as a female.
The vast majority of people have been accepting and understanding of the difficulties faced.
Jenny uses the disabled or staff bathrooms, and has a separate area to change after (girls) PE.
However, when the school year travel to Europe this year, I want to make a polite enquiry as to the sleeping arrangements.
This is a 6 day trip, 6 days 5 nights.
Boys are generally in one area of the hotel during school overnight excursions, and girls in the other, with respective form tutors overseeing the pupils when lights go out.
Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.
However, despite how she feels, she still has a Penis.
Should she really be in a dorm with three other girls?
Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't.

And similarly, should someone who believes they are female, be forced to share a dorm with 3 teenage boys she isn't friends with?

Im hoping for some thoughts on how you'd handle this, and also, how to actually broach it with DS's school without being labelled a transphobic woman, a bigot, or any of the other terms that are so commonly used when you question the logistics of a situation like this?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 09:03

Mrsjayy Grin

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 07/03/2016 09:03

Seriously, does noone remember being 14?! Or was i some sex-crazed one-off?

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:04

We have no idea if they are making a fuss or not?
Tbh, we have no idea whether they exist.
But I would not be keeping out of any such arrangement if it was my own teenager. Compliance at the age of 14 is not synonymous with consent aftr all.
And as previously mentioned (about five thousand times) this is such a contentious issue that there would be significant pressure to agree to "jenny" sharing.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 09:04

But I dont think they think of jenny in that way. Or think about her genitals. Doesn't sound like it. Even if they are 14.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:05

beyond i remember only too well.
It wasn't just you.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 09:05

Anyway all this genital talk is too much for me. Am off on a course. Not about genitals either.

Snowshimmer · 07/03/2016 09:05

It's a penis not a bomb.

So would it be okay for male and female teenagers in general to share dorms?
Or when does it become ok - when the boys and girls are friends, when the boy is gay, when they're male but identify as a girl?

EatShitDerek · 07/03/2016 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetMeBakeCake · 07/03/2016 09:06

I'm not an expert so might be wrong but I would have thought that a M2F would not want to be showing their penis to anyone,?will wish to be just like the girls, and I would think would probably get undressed in the toilet or at least make some effort to keep it the fact they have something down there and doesn't have boobs hidden from the other girls? As a teenage girl I didn't want to show my body to other girls at all - and I wasn't 'different'.

Also surely as a M2F she fancies boys, not girls and so would be making no effort to have sexual relations with any of her girlfriends.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:07

I don't think it's reasonable at all to make assumptions about what a group of 14 yo girls are thinking about a male bodies and sharing intimate spaces with a boy.

WaitrosePigeon · 07/03/2016 09:07

Agree with Eat.

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 07/03/2016 09:08

Anyone got the "choke on my ladydick" screenshot from a famous transperson?

ApplesinmyPocket · 07/03/2016 09:10

"DD is bisexual. I hope no one expects her to sleep in a special room."

This is an argument put around by those who haven't been thinking about this very long or very hard.

We don't segregate on the grounds of sexuality, we never have. We segregate on the grounds of sex. Now it seems that this is going to have to change, though many of us will fight it if we can because I, my vulnerable grandmother, young girls awkward about their developing body and its menstruating habits, many women with religious beliefs, don't want to be sharing places where clothes are removed and intimate functions carried out with males present, but the two arguments are just not comparable.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:11

This is not really about Jenny.
It is about redefining women and expecting girls to stfu.

BunnyTyler · 07/03/2016 09:16

Agree Felicity.

Women, know your place.
If you dare to disagree in any way then we will shout you down.

Jenny has decided that he is female, therefore he is, and you will conform to what he wants because his wants trump yours.

MrsJayy · 07/03/2016 09:18

No its about the personal feelings about 14yr old children if the kids are not comfortable sharing a room with a penis school will deal with it. if the Op was so conerned for female space sharing and safety she would contact the school about her concerns but she isnt she has an 18 page thread on the internet about it

EatShitDerek · 07/03/2016 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:22

Well I think it is worthy of discussion. Isnt that the point of aibu?

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/03/2016 09:22

Yeah, imagine Eat. Or you could read the thread a little more closely?

PrettyBrightFireflies · 07/03/2016 09:24

I'm late to this thread, but haven't seen anyone mention the very obvious concerns about precedent being set by the school?

If Jenny shares with their biologically female friends, then what's to stop another pupil on the trip identifying as the opposite gender in order to share with their b/f or g/f of the moment? Faking transition is not unknown, and amongst the young people I work with, currently seems to be the latest trend/craze.

The school would be, quite rightly, challenged for inconsistency if they allow Jenny to share with the gender she identifies with but not allow the same for someone who transitions while on the trip.

Either, all trans-identifying DCs share with the gender they identify with, or none do. It can't be done on a case-by-case basis as no one can judge whether the person transitioning is genuine or not.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 07/03/2016 09:28

Hmmm

DD's tutor group had a sleep over at school - they all slept in the sports hall. 30 10-12 year olds in the class, their "tutors" (mentors) from 4 school years above (3 girls and 2 boys, aged 14-16) and two teachers (a man and a woman). DD said people slept near their friends... tbh I didn't even think to ask whether this meant the boys in one part of the hall and the girls in another...

On the fence I guess - for me the question would be whether everyone in Jenny's room was genuinely happy and content to be in that room, and how well supervised they were I suppose.

From my experience the problem is more likely to be kids in other kids' rooms when they shouldn't be... Supervision will be a nightmare poor teachers the key thing.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:29

Yes I did mention the precendent.
That is one of the concerns here imo.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:31

eatshitderek
Your last post is rude and makes no sense.

PrettyBrightFireflies · 07/03/2016 09:32

Apologies, felicity - I scan read the thread and missed your post. Flowers

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 09:34

Oh shit. Sorry, i didnt mean to extract an apology. More to say I agree with you.

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