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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder, where will a Trans pupil sleep on my DS's Europe trip?

1001 replies

VioletVaccine · 06/03/2016 21:11

In DS's form, there is a M2F trans pupil, aged 14. For the purpose of this, I'll call her Jenny, who used to be Jack.
Jack now identifies as Jenny, and is accepted as the gender she identifies as.
I don't know (it's none of my business) whether she takes hormones or not, but she dresses, lives, and wants to be considered as a female.
The vast majority of people have been accepting and understanding of the difficulties faced.
Jenny uses the disabled or staff bathrooms, and has a separate area to change after (girls) PE.
However, when the school year travel to Europe this year, I want to make a polite enquiry as to the sleeping arrangements.
This is a 6 day trip, 6 days 5 nights.
Boys are generally in one area of the hotel during school overnight excursions, and girls in the other, with respective form tutors overseeing the pupils when lights go out.
Jenny, according to DS, will be sleeping with her female best friends.
However, despite how she feels, she still has a Penis.
Should she really be in a dorm with three other girls?
Whatever Jenny identifies as her gender, her sexuality is not necessarily geared towards the opposite sex. Maybe she could be a M2F lesbian, who is attracted to girls?

Would you want your 14 year old daughter to share a room with an anatomically correct male for a week? I wouldn't.

And similarly, should someone who believes they are female, be forced to share a dorm with 3 teenage boys she isn't friends with?

Im hoping for some thoughts on how you'd handle this, and also, how to actually broach it with DS's school without being labelled a transphobic woman, a bigot, or any of the other terms that are so commonly used when you question the logistics of a situation like this?

Thank you.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Natsku · 07/03/2016 08:43

Don't see a big deal with boys and girls sharing together anyway so long as there's more than a few of them. A few years ago I was working as a school cleaner and as I was finishing up cleaning the classrooms a couple of classes of teenagers came in to move the desks and set up their sleeping bags as they were sleeping over in the school for a sports event. The boys and girls are set up together in the same room. I've heard its similar with scout camps over here (scouts is mixed gender here) and they share tents without segregating.

CoteDAzur · 07/03/2016 08:43

Welcome to MumsNet, OldandHorny Hmm

Twinkie1 · 07/03/2016 08:44

DD is bisexual. I hope no one expects her to sleep in a special room.

ghostyslovesheep · 07/03/2016 08:47

when I was 4 I 'identified' as a horse - mostly Black Beauty but occasionally Red Rum - I'm rather glad my mum didn't decide to put me in a field and feed me pony nuts!

I am all for people deciding to be what the hell they want as long as that choice is theirs and not the whim of uber hip parents!

AllTheToastIsGone · 07/03/2016 08:47

The stuff with the really young kids makes me so sad. They are so vulnerable and they are being sold a lie by the people who ought to be caring for them.

When you tell a 4 year old boy who wants to be a girl that they can be, and then dress and name them accordingly you are telling them a lie. And it's a lie that could dramatically and adversely affect their life for the worse.

There will always be the uncomfortable cognitive dissonance between the body they want and the body they have. Many people (even if forced outwardly to conform) will never accept them as a woman due to the simple fact that biologically they aren't. Hormone treatments may leave them infertile with some attributes of one sex but not with others. Their choice of partners may be very limited. You are potentially seriously limiting their chances of a happy family life aged 4.

I cannot understand it as a parent. Why would you not as a parent do all you could to make your child happy with the sex they are and support them in their interests and who cares if that's dolls and Ballet for a boy or cars and football for a girl.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 08:49

thegolden
"Jenny's" friends are impressionable young teenagers.
Any consent to share a room or acceptance of "Jenny's" female-ness needs to be understood in this context.

There is great pressure to avoid being labelled trnasphobic, ass illustrated by some of the comments on this thread and the remarks on titter and facebook.
And as for being completely different froma an adult male (identifying as female) chaperone being completely different "ffs"
How? How is it so different? The point is that if one is allowed to self identify and therefore be considered as a different sex from that which they are, then it impacts on others becasue it redefines the term "woman"

CoteDAzur · 07/03/2016 08:49

"DD is bisexual. I hope no one expects her to sleep in a special room."

They wouldn't because dorms are sex-segregated and your DD is female. Unlike Jenny who is male.

HermioneWeasley · 07/03/2016 08:49

I'm going to let the beautifully named oldandhorny's personal attack stand so people can see the level of argument we're dealing with here.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/03/2016 08:50

Which transactivist are you then, OldandHorny? Hmm

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 08:51

titter Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/03/2016 08:51

Twinkle people are separated on sex not sexuality.

CoteDAzur · 07/03/2016 08:54

Oops Hermione, I reported it already.

A quick search shows that he has been gracing MN with his presence only since this morning and his contribution has been limited to insults and creepy cartoon faces. Expect him to go "poof" very soon.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 08:55

It's a penis not a bomb.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 08:55

Therefore I think OP is BU

CoteDAzur · 07/03/2016 08:57

So you believe sex segregation in dormitories, toilets, and changing rooms is unnecessary because penises are not bombs?

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 07/03/2016 08:57

Sorry, herm, i'd already reported too. Hence why i re-phrased it underneath Grin

coralpig · 07/03/2016 08:57

You sound like very nosy and quite bigoted. It's not your concern. stay out of it.

FelicityFunknickle · 07/03/2016 08:58

Ok fanjo then I have to assume you would be happier with mixed sex dorms/ loos/ wards rather than the current UK norm of segregation.

Although I have to say that the idea that teenagte girls should not make a fuss about a penis just becasue it isn't an incedary device makes me uncomfortable.

Alisvolatpropiis · 07/03/2016 09:00

Fanjo would have expected a less flippant response from you, to be honest.

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 07/03/2016 09:00

I lost my 'virginity' at 14. I was bloody horny.
No be-penised person would be safe if i'd been sleeping in the same room! Grin

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 09:00

The girls aren't making a fuss I thought? They seem accepting. If they weren't then of course that's different.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 09:01

Alis well sorry to disappoint.

I guess I just feel a bit sorry for "Jenny" and shocked that OP is wanting to interfere although she doesn't have a daughter in the dorm.

MrsJayy · 07/03/2016 09:02

Why dont you ring jennys friends parents and ask themif they are aware their Dds are in the vicinity of a penis

BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 07/03/2016 09:02

I would have been one of the girls "not making a fuss", while my fanjo was secretly having a party!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 07/03/2016 09:02

I get that my sympathies lie quite far from those of MN in general though on this issue, from what I have read.

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