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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask your opinion's on big age gaps?

52 replies

TwistedTruth · 05/03/2016 18:04

Just what the title says really.

Theres 10 years between me and my partner, we had some negitive comments and people saying we wouldn't last because a maturity issues but we've been together 4 years now!

OP posts:
Cerseirys · 05/03/2016 18:54

When the man is the younger partner I think much less chance of the relationship succeeding

Better tell that to my DP then as he's 12 years my junior! 6 years and one DS later we are still pretty happy together.

TurnOffTheTv · 05/03/2016 18:55

The posters who were 16 when they started dating their partners, was there no objection from parents etc? My daughter is 16 and I just can't imagine her with an older man.

Original poster
TwistedTruth · 05/03/2016 18:56

halftruth

Great minds and all that Wink

OP posts:
HazelBite · 05/03/2016 18:57

My DIL is 14 years older than my DS, they seem very happy, DIL is lovely and the look like a couple iyswim the age difference does not show.

doughnutslikefannys · 05/03/2016 18:58

My auntie and uncle had 20 years between them which wasn't such an issue when they were 35 and 55 but problems arose as he got older. He sadly died a few months ago and my auntie is now a widow at 57.

sadsister4 · 05/03/2016 19:00

15 years between DP and me.

We are totally, completely and utterly in love. I'm afraid logistics don't come into it. There's no way numbers on a birth certificate would have any bearing on me entering into a relationship with him. It was a foregone conclusion the moment we met anyway.

If I end up his carer, good. I love him. Who else is going to do it?

Original poster
TwistedTruth · 05/03/2016 19:01

TurnOffTheTv

My mum was the same and i was 21 she hated the fact i was with someone older and DP had 5 kids the oldest ones were 9 years younger than me.

It was hard without her support but i was in love and nothing anybody said would have changed my mind.

OP posts:
squoosh · 05/03/2016 19:01

I wouldn't have thought a ten year age gap was particularly comment worthy. People can be strange though and think anything that deviates from the way they do things is is odd.

CallaLilli · 05/03/2016 19:04

OP it could be that your mum's issue was less to do with the age gap and more to do with your DP already having five kids when you got together. So now you're 25, he's 35 and his oldest child is 16?

MrsMook · 05/03/2016 19:08

DH is 10 years older. 15 years since we started dating. It was odd at first as we were at different life stages; I was a student, so we took things more slowly in the early years as my life experience caught up.

I'm noticing that he's creeping slightly towards middle age.

We look odd as a couple. I'm small and young looking. He went grey very early, so although he has a younger face, the first impression is that we look more than the 10 years between us. People get over that though, and what counts is that our personalities are compatible.

Original poster
TwistedTruth · 05/03/2016 19:15

CallaLilli

My DP is a woman and yes the oldest will be 16 in 8 weeks but im still 24 and my partner is 34.

I think that might have been the problem but i shocked her by stepping up and being responsible, i stopped drinking and within a year i was living full time with my partner and her kids.

I love my DP kids and they love me we get on very well as a family.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 05/03/2016 19:20

There's 7 years between me and my DH.

When we met I was 30 and he was 23,I was getting divorced and so was he(we'd both came from abusive relationships)I had 4DC my DH had no children.

It looks like madness when I read that back but we really do we work.We've been together for over 10 years now have 5DC and are married

The whole time we've been together it's never felt like there was any real age difference between us.We remember eating the same sweets as children,we remember watching the same cartoons and watching the same movies.
And where as my DH has always come across as older than he is I've always come across as younger so for us it works.

I'm the dreamer and he's the realist,he helps pull me back down to the ground and I've helped him learn to let go a bit more.

Halftruth · 05/03/2016 19:20

My partner and my children get on well because they 've got alot more in common she alot more up to date than i am . my kids love her to pieces .my partner is also a "butch " we laught that we look like the number 10 when we walk down the street

dangerrabbit · 05/03/2016 19:36

There was a 15 year age gap between my parents, my mum was left a widow at 60 and cared for him for many years before his death as he was in ill-health.

I promised myself to look for a partner not more than 5 years older or younger than me and DW is 4.5 years older Grin

Katenka · 05/03/2016 19:41

It totally depends.

There is 8 years between me and dh. Sometimes it's works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Especially if the older one has kids. It's a lot for a young person to take on. Especially if they are very mature.

But it can work and often does.

BackforGood · 05/03/2016 19:53

Yes - I think the fact you have thrown 5 kids into the equation 1/2 way down P2, makes more of a difference than the 10 yr gap.
I would be quite concerned if my ds or dd got together with someone who had already 5 dc, when my ds or dd were still so very young. As someone else said, it's not the age per se, but the stage you are in life.

JadziaSnax · 05/03/2016 19:59

10 years between me & DH too. We've been together for 24 years now, married for 19 years.

The age gap has never been an issue for us.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/03/2016 20:04

My husband is 19 years older than me. It works.

lalalalyra · 05/03/2016 20:07

16 years between me & DH. It's never been an issue for us. Probably because despite the gap we were/are in similar places in life. We met at a hobby so had that (and friends) in common. We both had young children (him 1, me twins) and we were both on our own - him completely because he was widowed, me mostly because DTs Dad decided to join the military and values his 'me time' when he does have time off.

Lots of people didn't approve. My grandparents (who brought me up) were apprehensive at first, but once they met him they were fine. He doesn't look that much older than me - although we are amusing as I'm 5'4 and he's 6'4.

We've been married 10 years, together 12 and added 2.5 more kids to the pot. Lots of people asked me about the caring thing, but you can't predict the future. DH nursed his first wife through cancer despite her being younger than him and in her late 20's/early 30's so you don't know what you are going to have to do for a partner and I don't believe in avoiding something good today because it might lead to some shit times in 20/30/40 years. I watched my Nana care for my Grandad and one thing I always remember is her telling him (he apologised a lot) that every good moment they had made it all worthwhile and she regretted nothing - and she meant it.

Boxingwife · 05/03/2016 20:07

My DH is 16 years older than me. We've been together 7 years this month, married 5 years in May and have 1 year old DD, I turn 25 this week.

Katenka · 05/03/2016 20:08

As a parent, I would be worried about my daughter or son going out with someone 10 years older who had five children.

It's a lot of responsibility, it's a lot of juggling, blended families can be difficult etc.
Also the corcumstances of the those births maybe of concern.

Has he had 5 kids to five different women? I would be worrying that's what would happen to my dd. A baby but a dp who has a history of up and leaving.

I can see how a parent or family member would be worried about the relationship as a whole.

Original poster
TwistedTruth · 05/03/2016 20:09

I only didnt mention the kids in the OP because to me they werent a problem, i fully understood 5 kids was a big responsibly and i was ready to take them on.

My friends hated the fact that instead of drinking with them, i was reading bedtime stories and instead of shopping, i was doing playdates, instead of wild holidays i was nursing a sick child.

I love my stepchildren and i wouldnt change them for the world and im so in love with my partner shes truly amazing and we've both learnt alot from eachother.

I didnt make the wrong choice and im glad i didnt listen to my mother because the past 4 years have been my happiest.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwistedTruth · 05/03/2016 20:12

My partner is a woman and i am a woman we are lesbians.

OP posts:
verytiredmummy1 · 05/03/2016 20:12

14 years between me and DH and we've been happily together 9 years :)

AtSea1979 · 05/03/2016 20:14

I was 16 when I met XH, he was 29.
I resent him for it now. I think any man that wants a 16 year old child as a partner is horrible and wrong.