To request mumsnet to add a 'polyamorous families' section under parenting?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

There's every other kind of family type, pretty much, and polyamorous families have some unique joys and challenges that it would be nice to share and discuss.

Or maybe we're the last frontier and even MN aren't ready to go there.

Yet.

Phequer I really believe I have extended you every courtesy and answered your questions frankly and honestly. You may not have said you disagree with poly in theory but you clearly disagree with what we're doing and how. Which is your prerogative and I haven't attacked you for it.

So, you found yourself a single mum of two small kids and figured sharing a man with another woman is better that no man at all. He secures you financially - good for you. Mistresses have existed since the beginning of time. Giving them a fancy name does not change what they are. And please, no need to normalise a situation that has caused and continues causing pain and suffering to millions of women ever day. You don't have to be religious to be hurt by a cheating spouse. I do not want to instill such 'values' in my children, hence my opposing of promoting this situation as 'normal'. Voicing my opinion.

I wonder whether you would have agreed to this set up if he didn't secure you financially, or if you would have to secure financially him and his other family. Hmmm

So to summarise phequer's post: I'm not attacking you, but here's a list of all things that you're doing wrong.

x 100

Well, some people refuse to understand. Some people like phequer want to understand.

I have thought about this a bit more. Basically, OP is trying to justify being the other woman by using a fancy term. There are quite a few unattached men who would have no problem with the children etc. But she chose a comfortable man who I am sure was in a good relationship before OP (or maybe he had previous relationships).

Can I ask the OP to update us in 1 year's time about the end of the relationship and the guy going back to his wife? Please.

From the outside everything is very clear, OP. I am not a troll, I just think you are not seeing things straight. I feel sorry for the wife and the children, not for the adults who make a conscious decision to hurt.

Some people like phequer want to understand.

I really doubt that Phequer is asking all of those questions because she wants to understand.

I'm also a monogamous outsider and it's not clear that things are the way you see them at all. Have you actually read any of the OP's posts? Or are you being deliberately obtuse?

Wow DirtyHarrietonabike I don't know what century you are from but women are allowed to work and own property in the 21st C you know. We have no reason to think the op is not perfectly well financially self sufficient and able to support herself and kids.

Phecker, you're going round and round in circles and won't be happy until the OP sees everything your way will you? Stop hounding the poor woman. She's happy with her choices and where she stands in her relationships so why does it bother you so much?

Phecker, your points are noted. All of them. We get it. The OP gets it too, I'm sure.

What do you want her to say? That you are right?

Dirtyharrietonabike. Your preaching is quite arrogant and shows you have no knowledge of the subject. We are not t,asking about people having affairs, which can and do happen in poly set ups. We are talking about caring and loving relationships between people.

And can I remind you that monogamy and marriage were institutions brought in by mysogonist religious institutes so that a man could lay claim to his women as his property. Now if that isn't wrong I don't know what is.

If you and the wife and all the kids were equal then you wouldn't have told his kids first. You would have told them all At roughly the same time.

Not really. The circumstances are different mainly because the father of my children will be hostile to the situation whereas both parents of his children are completely behind it. Plus they're different ages, with different abilities to understand.

I don't think that decision (which was mine) de facto makes me a secondary.

But we really don't spend a lot of time categorising our relationships tbh. I'm happy with it, so us DP, so is OSO. I know I am loved and that they are both committed to me and they know I am committed to them. That's what's important really, no?

I'm in a polyamourous relationship and tbh wouldn't use the board if there was one. I find MN far too unforgiving and (sometimes) close minded to other people's way of living that I think I would just end up wanted my threads deleted or hiding them. It's happened previously.

There are specific polamory sites I go to for advice that are much more understanding.

I saw in the first few replies on here the exact kind of misunderstanding and prejudice that would be rife. I've not read any replies passed that because I'm probably too sensitive. But when your lifestyle choices get judged when all parties are happy and consenting it really does get tiresome.

OP - the longer you leave it the worse it's going to be when your children and ex find out about your other life.

Is it worth doing some detailed gameplanning about how to manage the situation from now on so that the children get to know your DP and possibly OSO/their children, while minimising the fallout? I guess that seeing as your DP spends half his time in your home the priority is probably to introduce him first?

Ididthattattoo the op has repeatedly explained that her partners wife is happy with the r'ship and the two women are close friends. Previously the DP and his wife were swingers so they have a history of an open relationship. The op has been in this relationship for 3 years. This is polyamory, it is not cheating and it is inaccurate and quite offensive to call her the "OW".

it become pointless to post here when people just repeatedly ignore what the OP has said and just insert their own imagined version. Just because you as a person haven't experienced the OP's relationship doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Please explain the difference between OW and OSO?

Why would OP find offensive being called the other woman, when technically, she is the other woman? This man has two women - one and the other.

OW : Not involved in family life. Sneaks around to be with partner. Has to be hidden. Shameful secret. Would hurt spouse very much if found out.

OSO: Partner. Just as equal as spouse. Relationship out in the open with all family knowing. All parties get a long happily and socialise. Consenting relationship between all parties (not always sexual at all!! - people always assume that. Nope)

At least for us.

Anyway, my aim is not to confront or offend OP and others who chose this life and I withdraw from the thread now. I am not preaching and am not religious, by the way. I just find living life with dignity and self respect more satisfying in the long run. Of course, this is me. Freedom :).

Thank you for answering!

Thank you for answering my nosey question that should say!