As lots of people said, there is a compromise between extreme helicoptering and ignoring/neglecting your children, and most people aim for the middle funnily enough. Lots of things in the 'benign neglect' school of parenting have fallen out of practice, such as putting your children in the car, driving them to the pub and going in for the evening leaving them in the car park, or allowing them to roam around outside age 7/8 all day, home at 6. There are things that used to happen that are now considered genuinely neglectful like leaving small children home alone.
Presuming you are not trying to resurrect the 1970's school of parenting (which included a lot of benign neglect, but then coupled with extreme discipline of being hit, often with belts/implements to keep control) I don't think it's a bad thing to keep an eye on everyone's needs in the family when you parent. I do sometimes think there is a tendency now to think that mothers in particular should be all-sacrificing, sacrificing of their time, sleep and general identity to their children, and I know many of my female friends have struggled at various points (e.g. never go out by themselves as they are the 'carer' in the household and husband 'can't' look after the children, no sense of direction/identity in their own lives even though children in school, never have time to socialize as themselves) when it would have been ok to have put their own needs into the family pot of needs. So, I know I did sleep training for example, as I needed to work and to balance my mental health, after I crashed the car through sleep-deprivation, and I think it was fine to put my own needs first in that situation.
I also think there's a huge gender thing going on here, as someone says, often a couple plan for nothing to change, the woman's (who gives births, may breastfeed, may be on mat leave) life changes irrevocably and not always for the better, and the man's doesn't (often based on a spurious calculation that 'he earns more' rather than again, a consideration of the wellbeing of the whole family). Be careful this isn't you.
I'd also say that children's needs change enormously, they don't stay little for that long, so the period of everything feeling quite child-oriented in the house (toys, TV) is short. Once they are pre-teens and teens, then going out in the evening (with a babysitter), watching the movies you like in the evening, having your own career and life and identity is completely doable. However, something also happens to counter this push-back, which is that you have got to know your own children, and like them as people. So, the desire to watch a new movie with your partner becomes the desire to share it as a family. You don't necessarily shut up your 13 year old when they speak, as you realize they are more interesting and sensible than many of the 'adults' you know. I find my children's friends interesting and talk with them a lot.
In short, you stop thinking in terms of 'us' and 'them' which is at the heart of your current stance.