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Original poster

To consider changing my name by deed poll?

141 replies

PregnantAndEngaged · 04/03/2016 16:40

I am engaged and we have a son who has taken my partners surname. Our son was unplanned (but very welcome of course :D), however it meant that all our wedding fund went on buying a house pronto and getting things for the baby etc. I am going back to work part time and know that a wedding is years away as things stand because we simply can't afford to save for it.

I am a traditionalist and always wanted to be married before children and would like to have my sons surname as well as the surname of my partner who I feel like I'm married to anyway, even though we haven't had an actual wedding.

So I've been considering changing my name to Mrs (from Miss) [same first name] [same middle name] His Surname. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
RagamuffinAndFidget · 04/03/2016 18:02

Have the registry office wedding and do all the official stuff and then have a blessing with the dress and the cake and the big 'do' when you can afford it. We had a registry office wedding and then a blessing a few months later (ours was because my Grandma had terminal cancer and was very unlikely to make it to the original wedding date - she didn't so I'm glad we brought it forward!). It was still wonderful, and actually the registry office was still amazing and romantic, because I was marrying the love of my life. The rest of it didn't actually matter, when it came down to it.

TattyDevine · 04/03/2016 18:05

A friend of mine did this. She calls him "hubby", has his name, which are the same as the children, etc. She doesn't own property with him, they have no major assets, she works, as does he, in very almost-minumum-wage type jobs, but more to the point are equals in this regard, so in the event of a split, would lose no "rights" as such, apart from the financial burden of splitting, which they would both bear.

If it suits your circumstances, it could be a good thing, particularly if you want to old out for a slightly more splashy wedding day, which by the way, isn't a crime.

LogicalThinking · 04/03/2016 18:06

The registry office makes so much more sense. You can change your name and get the increased spousal legal protection at the same time.
The whole "fraud" wedding makes no sense when you will be pretending you are married for several years (forever) by the sounds of it.

TattyDevine · 04/03/2016 18:06

hold out for a more splashy wedding that should say

Twixthecat · 04/03/2016 18:06

I think it's a bit odd to change your name when really you want to be married. Much rather have a small wedding... doesn't need to be registery office, could be anywhere and just keep it really small and simple with only a handful of people.
If you have the same surname as your kids everyone will assume your married anyway. Would you stay Miss but take your partners surname? That might raise a few eyebrows as might think your cousins who have kids together or something! Or of course you could just use Ms.
You could plan on making your 5 or 10 year anniversary your vow renewal a big traditional wedding 'do'.
Ive had quite a few friends have very low key official weddings then the big do several months or even year or so later. For a variety of reasons, money being one!

TychosNose · 04/03/2016 18:08

thanks for the link Cheshire been meaning to change my name by deed poll forever but didn't want to part with the £35!

OP just do it. It's odd but there's nothing wrong with being a bit eccentric!
Lots of people want a big white wedding so that's nothing unusual, ignore pp who say you're being shallow.

I understand wanting the same name as dp and dc. To me it's an important part of being a family. I know not everyone agrees but I couldn't bear to have a different name to my dc.

PedantPending · 04/03/2016 18:09

You can have a CofE wedding with just you two, the vicar and whatever witnesses are required. A full congregation is not needed.
What you sound like you are saying is that you want a big wedding. What about the marriage afterwards?

MrsJoyless · 04/03/2016 18:18

I know someone who did this. I thought it was terrible, as if he didn't want to give her his name, but she took it off him anyway. It was a very distinctive double-barrelled name, so there was no disguising that Jane Buffton-Tuffton married John Buffton-Tuffton when they finally got married.

Original poster
PregnantAndEngaged · 04/03/2016 18:22

TycosNose, thank you! I do intend on ignoring those comments, I think they are unnecessarily rude. And the comments about me being desperate. It's not desperation. We're engaged. We've been together for almost 5 years. If I was desperate we would've had the quick registry office wedding costing £60, but we don't want that. Furthermore, if my partner had no intention of marrying me he would not have proposed to me would he! I don't think it's a crime to prefer to save for a lovely wedding day whilst also in the short-term taking his surname so that I can have the same surname as my son. Like you said it's part of being a family.

To someone who said I made no mention of my partner here, did I need to?

OP posts:
nattyknitter · 04/03/2016 18:27

Just wanted to say that you don't even need the parchment paper and definitely no daft seals etc for a freebie deedpoll. Mine was printed on Sainsbury's own copier paper and was still accepted. I got the woeding of wikipedia.

The only people who were awkward and wouldn't accept it were my credit card company, despite being from the bank and the bank had accepted it for my other accounts. I got 30 quid every time I complained and I complained a lot. I already had passport, driving licence etc in my new name so they were just being arseholes. I won when I asked if I cancelled the account and reapplied would the passport/DL be accepted as ID docs and they admitted they would be. They changed their policy in the end and accepted it after paying my 180 quid.

nattyknitter · 04/03/2016 18:28

sorry wording

Original poster
PregnantAndEngaged · 04/03/2016 18:30

Hahah nattyknitter that's great :)

OP posts:
AnotherNewUserName · 04/03/2016 18:41

You may own the house as joint tenants but the until you are married, the inherited half would be subject to inheritance tax. Just sayin,,,,

Id get married in a private registry office ceremony now and throw an anniversary party when you xan afford it. -all the best.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 04/03/2016 18:41

My mum took my dads name and they never got married. They never had any intention of marrying though.

I say do it.

Original poster
PregnantAndEngaged · 04/03/2016 18:52

Good point Anothernew, I should have thought of that. I will suggest that we both make wills ASAP so that we could take advantage of our nil rate band in such a horrendous event that one of us passes. Our house isn't worth more than that anyway.

OP posts:
Jackiebrambles · 04/03/2016 19:00

I'll bet it's cheaper to get married in register office than 1) deed poll change and 2) will drawing up fees!

category12 · 04/03/2016 19:02

Get married cheaply, then you've covered the legal bases and do the name change. Then have a massive party for your wedding anniversary in the future.

HairySubject · 04/03/2016 19:04

I would also get officially married and save for a blessing/renewal in a few years.
I don't see the difference between doing that and changing your name legal, people will assume you have got married anyway won't they?

Osirus · 04/03/2016 19:07

Wills that help protect against IHT (some sort of trust) will be around £500-£600. There really is no better way than to just get married. I am afraid that even if you aren't, changing your surname to your DP's does look desperate. It doesn't matter if he has proposed. I know plenty of men who have proposed with little intention of getting married leaving their would-be-brides frustrated. It's obviously your choice and you have to do what makes you happy.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 04/03/2016 19:19

I think people are being a bit mean to the OP. So what if this is what she wants? It's what she wants and it's not affecting any of you is it?!! When DP and I get married, we will probably have a low key wedding (registry office) but blow the budget on an amazing honeymoon. We've got our eye on a cruise GrinHowever, that's our decision. Doesn't make it better, just different. Good luck OP, hope you have a fab day and enjoy yourselves.

BoboChic · 04/03/2016 19:21

It costs almost nothing to get married. If it means so much to you, do it and have a party and perhaps renew your vows later. But don't pretend you are married if you aren't!

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 04/03/2016 19:31

I think it's horribly unromantic to change your name and title and not your Union Confused All for the sake of being the centre of attention in a posh frock, a party and presents.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 04/03/2016 19:34

It's a bit desperate and needy pretending to be married. If you truly wanted to be married to him, the wedding itself wouldn't matter. It sounds like it's a party you want.

If you change and do get married it will sound silly when the vicar announces your names.

baffledmummy · 04/03/2016 19:39

OP...don't worry what anyone thinks if it makes your life easier. I wouldn't think it odd. My friend's partner changed her name to his as they have 2 kids together and couldn't be bothered with a wedding as both had been married before. They've been together 12 years and very happy. Not sure if she is a Mrs or a Ms but it makes no difference to anyone else.

You are certainly legally able to do it, so why not. I would consider PPs points on some of the legal protection marriage can bring but if you still want to wait for the big wedding and are confident and comfortable in your relationship, it is nobody's business but you and your family.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 04/03/2016 19:43

You don't have to have the vicar announce your names, although I wish in some ways we had because it might have stopped so
many people assuming I was changing mine to his.

I'm with the people saying budget wedding, it's far more important than the names.