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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
ZanyMobster · 04/03/2016 15:02

Sunset - I am not entirely sure if you were agreeing or disagreeing with me but I don't think it seems as controversial the other way round no, however I am not convinced it is morally right regardless.

I know of a couple who were 16 and 40 when they met, the man being older. They were married and had 3 children together and we're together over 20 years. I only knew them when she was late 20s but I can imagine there were some strong reactions early on.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 04/03/2016 15:03

Well your friend saying he looks 13 should probably have been enough to stop you even considering this.

In any case, do you know if he even likes you in that way?

LilacSpunkMonkey · 04/03/2016 15:03

You don't have a connection with him.

He probably has more of a connection with his XBox.

Because he's 16.

DixieNormas · 04/03/2016 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2016 15:06

Grow up, sword, be an adult and cut this kid loose.

Fabellini · 04/03/2016 15:06

There's a code....divide your age in half and then add 7. That's the youngest it's considered socially acceptable to go out with. You fail the code.

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 15:06

swordandsparrow - what would you think if you had a 16 year old, baby-faced student of a son who started going out with a 23 year old woman who already had a child? Would you see that as a great long or even short term prospect for him? Would you expect your own child to have the genuine maturity to deal with it? What sort of a relationship are you hoping to pursue with him? And what do you think he envisages from it? I think you'd have to be damn certain you are seriously in love and that he is emotionally mature enough for anything more than a friendship with you, because if I were his parent, I would consider you selfish and irresponsible without having the excuse of being young, tbh.

KitKat1985 · 04/03/2016 15:08

I think you're missing my point swordandsparrow. The point isn't that you can't go for a drink together or watch 18 certificate movies, it's that if he's legally considered too immature to even cope with these (relatively minor) things, then how on earth do you perceive that he will be mature enough to cope with a relationship with an adult with a child? He's just far too young and immature to give you an 'adult' relationship, and it's not fair on you to expect him to be able to do that.

PrivatePike · 04/03/2016 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrimsonPleb · 04/03/2016 15:09

At 16 he is still very much legally a child

My understanding is that the legal definition of a child is based on the age of majority.

The age of majority varies between 16 and 18 in England and Wales for the purposes of different regulations or what have you. In terms of having a sexual relationship he has reached that age of majority ie 16 but in terms of drinking, marriage etc he hasn't.

This debate is wider than the simple legal definition of "a child" but I think it's worth being clear about that point.

BathtimeFunkster · 04/03/2016 15:09

Maybe he'll dump you for a 9 year old?

Go for it. Not gross at all for a fully grown adult to manipulate an adolescent into a "relationship".

CountessNatasha · 04/03/2016 15:12

OP the fact that you have to ask on an Internet forum means you feel uneasy about this.

Trust your gut.

There's a wealth of difference between a 16 year old school kid and a mother in her early 20s. You have responsibilities and experiences that are out of his reach and if you are "in love" then you'll leave him to enjoy his youth.

Yes life is too young to be miserable but there are plenty of men to choose from and with age you learn when it's worth taking a chance on a relationship and when to leave well alone. Leave this boy alone

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/03/2016 15:12

for some reason I read this, and remembered this lil 9 year old baby daddy

to be in love with a 16 year old
Gazelda · 04/03/2016 15:14

There's nothing wrong with having a friendship with a 16yo, you share the same humour etc.
But a relationship would be wrong. He is too young.

WitchWay · 04/03/2016 15:15

You are too old for him. It's not just a matter of age but of life stage. Do you really think he'll want to play Daddy to your child?

ElderlyKoreanLady · 04/03/2016 15:16

OP, you've not actually mentioned a thing about him giving you signs that he likes you in that way too? All you've said is that you get along really well.

Legally speaking, nobody could do anything about you having a relationship with him if he consented.

However, I do find it extremely creepy that a grown woman with a child could be sexually attracted to a not-quite-adult who likely still asks his parents for bus money to get to college.

OhShutUpThomas · 04/03/2016 15:22

Are you a footballer trying to justify your choices by doing a reverse?

BarbarianMum · 04/03/2016 15:27

If you really like him keep the friendship and think about being 'more than friends' again once he's 18. But honestly, I still think you'll be at different stages of your lives even then.

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 15:28

Yes I did , up thread I said how he's been trying to push it but I've took a step back

OP posts:
ElderlyKoreanLady · 04/03/2016 15:32

What is 'trying to push it'?

SaggingTits · 04/03/2016 15:32

Nothing legally wrong OP but you do still seem to be thinking about it all through rose tinted specs. Wouldn't you feel awkward meeting his parents? What's he going to be like with your child? He's too young to give you anything. Stability, support, etc

LilacSpunkMonkey · 04/03/2016 15:33

Oh, this is so not real.

The OP, can't give any mature answers because they're probably a 16 year old themselves.

Helmetbymidnight · 04/03/2016 15:34

'trying to push it' means "this young man is romantically interested in the op"

LilacSpunkMonkey · 04/03/2016 15:35

'Push it' means he's asked her to go to Lazer Quest with him.

Or maybe to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks.

LeaLeander · 04/03/2016 15:35

He's too young for a serious relationship. If he were 26 and you 33, it wouldn't be so bad. But don't lure a teenager into a complicated relationship with a woman who has a child. It's just not fair to him, he should be focusing on studies, on exploring his options for the rest of his life, etc., not drawn into premature domesticity.

Reminds me of that book & movie "Summer of '42." Eeek.