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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 04/03/2016 14:36

I'm sorry but there is nothing ott for people to say it's wrong for someone to be attracted to someone who looks 13. If it was a man saying this people on here would be wondering if he genuinely had a thing for underage girls.

Quityabitchen · 04/03/2016 14:37

What's wrong with pursuing a man of your own age? Do you seriously consider yourself to be "in love" with this baby-faced 16yo? What do your friends think?

If you were my friend, I'd be concerned for you and I'd be dissuading you from attempting to start any kind of relationship with him

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 04/03/2016 14:38

if you mean actually pursue him and make all the moves then i definitely wouldn't at his age.

Just be friends.

Helmetbymidnight · 04/03/2016 14:40

I don't think its creepy, I think its foolish...

OP, I wonder if you've had your confidence knocked or something, that's stopping you from getting out there and meeting fellas your own age. This guy maybe looks up to you a bit - but I think it wouldn't be great for you, and it wouldn't be great for him - to get together.

Highsteaks · 04/03/2016 14:41

Aren't most 16 year old boys awkward spotty oiks?

Hot Hmm

ShatnersBassoon · 04/03/2016 14:42

What is it about him that's more attractive than the adult men you know?

MitzyLeFrouf · 04/03/2016 14:43

I'm sorry but there is nothing ott for people to say it's wrong for someone to be attracted to someone who looks 13. If it was a man saying this people on here would be wondering if he genuinely had a thing for underage girls.

Quite.

IcingandSlicing · 04/03/2016 14:44

Oh please, the parents with teenage children should not reply in here.

Of course we parents would be terrified if anyone we don't find apropriate (with anchild, shock and horror!) tries to sneak our dearest late teenage children out of our family home and do all horible things to them. We would be most happy if we could actually approve who they date and marry, and we would like their marriages to be the happiest ever and last for eternity.

It's normal.

But please how many of us when we were children listened to our overprotective parents and did what we were told is best for us?
Life is to be experienced and sometimes you learn better through trial and error. Even error is not the correct word, everything is experience.

Should we rather lock our children out and release them when they are in mid-20s in exchange of signing a marriage certificate with the ideal husband/wife we've selected for them?

Let them be and make sure they're well educated about self respect, respect in general and contraception.

Every choice you make has consequences. To be adult means you can face these consequences.

Now go and enjoy your life. It's too short to live it in misery.

expatinscotland · 04/03/2016 14:45

All those who think this is okay, would you really be pleased if your 16-year-old was going out with a 23-year-old with a kid? Really? Hmm

ameliaesmith · 04/03/2016 14:46

YABU big time!

Sparklingbrook · 04/03/2016 14:49

Am I not allowed to post anymore? Sad

davidcameroon · 04/03/2016 14:49

I have a 15 year old and a 13 year old so your post wants to make me want to throw up.

Assuming you're not some troll.. What makes you say it's love? I kind of hoping its lust or a crush on the same way 23 year old men dating 16 year old girls.

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/03/2016 14:51

Oh please, the parents with teenage children should not reply in here

Why on earth not? Surely it's the parents with teenage children who are best placed to answer! I have a near 18 year old DD, I explained upthread how I would feel about this. I also have a five year old...does that make a difference? Hmm

IcingandSlicing · 04/03/2016 14:51

expatinscotland I won't be happy of course.
But I realise at 16 they better learn to make their own decisions and face the consequences or shall I control their live forever?

davidcameroon · 04/03/2016 14:54

Icing- 16 is old enough to marry and have sex but be a step parent?

Quityabitchen · 04/03/2016 14:55

I have no wish to dictate to my 16yo son who he should socialise with, let alone prevent him from seeing anyone he chooses.

However, if a woman of 23 ( with or without a child) made a play for him, it would cause me concern. I'd rather he went out and about with his peer group and concentrated on his studies, instead of getting involved emotionally/sexually with someone so much older.

Nobodyspecialanymore · 04/03/2016 14:56

It's wrong. Perhaps you should seek counseling if you hAve to ask. Looking 13 and you finding that attractive screams that you need some help.

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 14:56

i just do ! I can't explain why I have a connection with him and not another person closer to my age

OP posts:
Original poster
swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 14:57

So I've said twice now I don't think he looks 13 it was my friend who did .

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peggyundercrackers · 04/03/2016 14:57

Icing- 16 is old enough to marry and have sex but be a step parent?

technically yes they are.

expat people may not be happy with what their offspring do but im guessing there are a lot of things 16/17 yr olds do that their parents don't like. parents probably forget what they were doing when they were 16/17 - im sure a lot of them were no angels either.

Helmetbymidnight · 04/03/2016 14:57

If a 23 yr old mother was interested in almost 16 yr, DS or his friends, I would think she had some...problems.

No offence DS!

expatinscotland · 04/03/2016 14:58

I realise that, peggy. Even without your having to be so condescending (no surprises there). Hmm

KitKat1985 · 04/03/2016 14:59

At 16 he is still very much legally a child, and you are a grown adult. He legally isn't yet considered mature enough to can't even buy a drink in a pub or watch a lot of films at the cinema, so why you would think him dating an adult with a child would be okay? He certainly won't have the maturity and life experience to cope with that. It may not be illegal but the idea makes me feel very uncomfortable. And you saying you are 'in love' with him is, well, odd at best; creepy at worst.

DixieNormas · 04/03/2016 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 15:01

I don't drink so that wouldn't bother me

OP posts: