to be in love with a 16 year old

[swordandsparrow]

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him

I met DH when he was 16, I was 23, fell in love over the next year and started a relationship; married when he was nearly 20, that will be 45 years ago on 11 June and we are still togeter.

It can work, but I think the fact that you have a chid makes a huge difference. You will be asking him to display a maturity regarding the chid that he may not, understandably, be capable of.

She also should make sure her relationship does not contradict with her mother duties which for me always should come first.

Exactly.
And a 16 year old shouldn't have to deal with all that imo. They should find someone without children and have fun.

The very fact that you question it, says that yes it is wrong and you know it. If it was right you would not have doubts

Material for Monday's show?

There's a bigger age difference between me and my DH, but when we met I was in my late 20s and he was in his 30s. Frankly going out with a 16yo would just be creepy as fuck.

right....

Ok

A friend of mine met her husband when we were 16, he was 20 and we all thought that was an enormous age gap at the time. They got married when she was 18, but waited until they were in their late 20s/early 30s to have kids and now we're in our 40s the age gap is nothing.

Astounded you can find a mature 16 year old boy. I'm a similar age to you and have recently been exploring the dating world, the 21 year old 'men' were extremely childish. In fact even men of our age were. I've only been able to level with guys 26+. It's well known that men mature way slower than women. The age gap isn't huge but it's the fact he's only 16 that matters. If he were 20 it wouldn't seem so strange. He's too young, definitely not ready to be tied down with a stepchild! Find someone a similar age. Or if you really like him that much wait until he's at least 18.

"Men mature later"
"men mature slower"
So it's all right for them but not us? Sexism alive and well and demonstrated in the comments right here!

Well I was dating a man six years older when I was in the 6th form. Not ideal, but mainly because he was horrible, rather than the age gap.. There does seem to be a strange double standard, where a girl of nearly 17 dating someone in their early 20s is accepted, but a boy isn't. I am now happily married to someone 8 years younger who I met when he was 22, so the age gap doesn't seem massive to me. I do think that at his age though, you will be at different life stages, there was a big gulf between DH and I when we met, we even split for a while, and then got back together when he was 25- i would say that after we both turned 30 the age gap stopped being noticable at all. Maybe stay as friends for a year or so, until he leaves school ? He will be 18 then, still young, but an adult, and you will both be able to decide whether you want a relationship.

I'd be as unhappy if my 16 year old daughter going out with a 24 year old as I would if it was my 16 year old son going out with a 24 year old.

So no sexism here!

It's impossible to say. We don't know you, we don't know him. It could be deeply deeply dodgy or just one of those things that works.

But it won't be easy.

I feel exactly the same as you MitzyLeFrouf....

Ok, so worse case scenario here is that you shag him and then he tells all of his mates and you become the laughing stock of the college.
Unfair and vile of him I know but 16 year olds can be rather immature and hormone led.
The age gap is not a major issue per se but you are at very different life stages and I find it highly unlikely that a 16 year old actually wants a serious relationship with a woman of 23 with a child even if that's what he thinks.
You are in danger of being hurt and humiliated here OP.

I can't believe some of these comments. He isn't an adult, he's a child. LEgally, morally, to anyone with half a brain; he's a child. OP is an adult, and a parent. Who thinks she is in love with a child. WTF is wrong with you if you think this is ok?
An adult man with a child trying to date a 16 yar old girl is equally as bad.

As for the wankers saying things like "when you're 50 he'll be 43, so it doesn't matter, thats normal"...when she was 18, he was 12. So that would have been fine too, by your logic?

Whoever said creepy as fuck is dead on. And some of you are seriously fucking creepy.

I know not all 16 yr olds are grown up but some are. The problem is there seems to be no middle ground. If you are 15 and 10 months and you snog an older guy - he can go to prison. If you are 16 and one day you can get married.

By all means understand that the boy is young and take it slowly, make allowances - but it isn't creepy.

Wait when she was 18, an adult, he was ELEVEN. If it wasn't fine then, its not fine now.

Horribly, horribly wrong I'm afraid. He's a kid. You have so much more life experience than him that there would be a hideous imbalance of power. He's not had any adult life yet at all - it being barely legal doesn't make it morally right.

If one of mine were in this position, then I would regard the adult as predatory. And I have a boy and a girl.

I also think that if you pursue this, a lot of your college peers will think you are seriously creepy.

I have a 17 year old boy and if you were pursuing him then im afraid you would have me to deal with !!!

A seven year gap isn't a problem. His age is.
He is pushing it, because he knows you'll have sex (you have a baby, do must have done it once).

Im 24 and no way would I go out with a 16/17 year old. My cousin is 17 and to me she's very definitely a kid. It's a bit gross really