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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
Pontytidy · 04/03/2016 23:58

It is bizarre that if the23 year old was a member of staff at the college this would be a safeguarding issue regardless of the age, as it is a student it is not.

The law recognises this relationship, therefore how can it be condemned.

HooseRice · 04/03/2016 23:59

It is borderline paedophilic legally

Utter, utter bullcrap

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 00:01

It's not bizarre really.

The safe guarding issue would be because the staff member would be in a position of power.

roundaboutthetown · 05/03/2016 00:03

? What are you wittering about, Ice? Should one respect a 12 year old boy's desire to have sex with a 23 year old woman? Or do you think emotional maturity and common sense kick in at the exact same time as the age of consent? Most parents do not consider their 16 year old sons to be particularly emotionally mature, so expect older people to respect that fact, rather than ignore it. Most parents don't expect their 18 year olds to be mature enough, either, tbh, but they are probably closer to it.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 00:04

I will just throw in that a 16 year old can get married in Scotland.

roundaboutthetown · 05/03/2016 00:07

At least the OP has the common sense to understand this relationship may well not be appropriate. She may also end up getting hurt if she has read his interest in her all wrong. Has he met her toddler yet, I wonder?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 00:09

Maybe that's why I find it a bit excessive that people are basically pretty much calling the OP a paedophile for being attracted to someone who she gets on well with who is doing a similar thing as her in life, without knowing the people in question. If she gets on with him he is probably pretty mature as a standard 16 year old would seem way too immature to a 23 year old woman IMO.

However I did advise they just stay friends too am just a bit surprised at the sheer outrage here.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 00:10

Maybe it's because she said he has a baby face and looks younger.

He looks younger but isn't. I know people who look young but when you know them they are clearly their actual age.

roundaboutthetown · 05/03/2016 00:11

I'm not outraged, just warning her his parents' reaction will probably be extremely negative!

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 00:12

Roundabout as parents we will never I guess accept that our children are "mature enough". My grandmother still doesn't think of my mother can make the right decisions and she's far beyond 50.

Are we talking about 12 year olds? Because if that's the case I kind of missed the conversation.

What I'm saying is at some point you have to let you children decide for themselves because it's not your life any more.
Yes we are scared that our children can be harmed, we want to protect them for their own good. But why should this girl take the whole rubbish on herself.
How would you punish/call names your son if he wants to have a relationship with an older woman?

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 00:15

What if your son fancies older women and becomes a toy boy on his own accord?
What you gonna do? Sue the woman, whoc may be your age?
What if they are gay? What if they don't know if they are gay but decide to find out? What age is that going on? 30s?
We can either accept their choices or go on the warpath.
I don't want to go on ten warpath.

kawliga · 05/03/2016 00:23

Celine Dion and Rene Angelil. Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall. Beautiful love stories.

None of them were 16 years old when they got together though. Like many pp have said, it's not the age difference but the fact that he's 16.

DiscoGlitter · 05/03/2016 00:23

We seem to have this whole area completely screwed up. People are talking about you OP as if you are some sort of sicko and yet 16 is over the age of consent. You can legally marry with parental consent in England and Wales and marry without it in Scotland.

When the 16 year old can be mistaken for a 13 year old though, there's something completely sick and wrong there regardless of age of consent.
How a grown adult out of their teen years can fancy a boy who looks 13 is beyond me.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 05/03/2016 00:26

Rupert murdoch and Jerry hall a beautiful love story? Jings.

Nibledbyducks · 05/03/2016 00:27

DS2's best mate's dad got together with his mum when he was 17 and there's an 11 year age gap, he has been both a fantastic step father to her eldest child and father their two sons for the past 30 years, they are one of the strongest couples I have ever met, and some of the nicest people. DS2's best mate is a very well brought up lovely young man. So sometimes, yes it works very well.

roundaboutthetown · 05/03/2016 00:28

I would rather my son finished his education, left home and was earning his own money before he became obsessed with an older woman with pre-existing children, tbh. I certainly wouldn't want my 16 year old son taking on the responsibility of someone else's child before he even had a job, so would worry about him falling in love if he pursued the relationship.

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 00:29

Celine Dion was quite young. Definitely under 20. Won't be surprised if she was 18.

BillSykesDog · 05/03/2016 00:34

It's all very ambiguous with Celine Dion. He managed her from the age of 12. They claim they started dating when she was 19. But most people don't believe that.

kawliga · 05/03/2016 00:36

It's all very ambiguous with Celine Dion. He managed her from the age of 12. They claim they started dating when she was 19. But most people don't believe that.

Yes, but it was a great love affair, with three beautiful children. You could see how much they loved each other.

kawliga · 05/03/2016 00:38

I will concede to Fanjo that Rupert Murdoch may or may not be a good example.

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 00:39

Imagine all the words mentioned here would be applied to the late Mr Angelil.
Yes you don't chose who you fall in love it. And if it's mutual it's precious and rare. Be it uneasy for some onlookers because it doesn't conform for various reasons.

IcingandSlicing · 05/03/2016 00:43

kawliga Please don't be hypocritical.
If R. Angelil had posted this same message years ago when Celine was 16, he was in a position of power as well, bear in mind that.
What would you have said if she was your daughter?
Double standards now, because 30-40 years later you know it worked. Would you have been so supportive at the beginning?
It's between the two people involved and the onlookers never know the full story. So back off and stop judging.
Or if you give your opinion try not to be nasty and name calling.

BillSykesDog · 05/03/2016 00:46

Lots of relationships are regarded by the people in them as great love stories. Jeremy Forrest springs to mind, there have been cases of father/daughter relationships which are similar (including one of Fred Wests daughters who was horribly abused IIRC). Doesn't mean they're not abusive.

Baconyum · 05/03/2016 01:22

What billsykesdog said!

I always thought very little of me angelil, he'd known her since 12, what kind of adult wants to date someone they've known and mentored since before they hit puberty!

As for bullcrap no it's not, police, SS and other CP workers which I have been in the past would be concerned about an adult interested in young teens.

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 05/03/2016 06:16

He's only met my son because we have to get the same bus to and from college

OP posts:
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