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AIBU?

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
Gabilan · 04/03/2016 22:35

Flashbang very few people on here are telling the OP it's ok. Many people have said this person is just a child. Many have told her to wait. Several people expressed shock in particular because he looks so young.

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 22:38

If the OP said she was meeting up with a 15 or 16 year old boy in her car, sticking her hand down his trousers for a fondle and pressuring him for kisses in return for exam answers, I would think she was every bit as disgusting as Adam Johnson.

RedOnHerHedd · 04/03/2016 22:38

Sounds really wrong to me especially if he could "easily pass for a 13 year old". He's still a child, the age gap is too big at his age. In a few years it won't matter as much.

Flashbangandgone · 04/03/2016 22:39

ok, but the tone taken by posters (in general) is not what I believe it would be if the OP was a 20-something man looking a pursuing a 16 yo girl who looked 13!

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 22:39

Even more so if she had a partner at home looking after her toddler at the time.

JanetOfTheApes · 04/03/2016 22:40

My issue is that people can have such utterly contrasting attitudes over relatively small differences

You have to be a special kind of dim to not realise that these are different people answering the two different questions, on two different threads. Hmm

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 22:44

Tbh, I suspect a lot of people would be less shocked by a 20 something man with a 16 year old girl, because people imagine girls to become emotionally mature more quickly than boys, not vice versa. Grooming and falling in love are not the same thing, though, anyway. Adam Johnson groomed an obsessed fan, he didn't fall in love.

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 22:46

But yes, I suspect there are different standards.

Flashbangandgone · 04/03/2016 22:47

You have to be a special kind of dim to not realise that these are different people answering the two different questions, on two different threads.

Smile I accept I made a leap in thinking that those who were so accepting of the OPs position would have a completely contrasting position regarding Adam Johnson that was disproportionate to the fact that one was 15 and the other 16. That was supposition on my part, and I accept I could be wrong....

Flashbangandgone · 04/03/2016 22:48

Adam Johnson groomed an obsessed fan, he didn't fall in love
So sex with a teenager is ok is you're 'in love' Hmm

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 22:54

Not in my book, but I didn't set the legal age of consent at 16. Grin But yes, technically, if you believed the boy wanted to take you and your child on as a lifelong partner and child and you wanted that too, because you loved each other rather than being in lust with each other, it would be "OK." I seriously doubt it is often the case that anyone would truly believe this is what a sixteen year old boy wanted.

CountessNatasha · 04/03/2016 23:03

Oh come on OP you know that it's best to leave this young man alone! He's a 16 yr old kid!

DownstairsMixUp · 04/03/2016 23:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DownstairsMixUp · 04/03/2016 23:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

HooseRice · 04/03/2016 23:27

If you truly do have feelings for him, wait a couple of years, at least, then act on them.

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 23:28

If this were my ds, I wouldn't believe either of you were actually, genuinely, in love, would not believe he was mature enough to understand the commitment involved and I would therefore hate you.

HooseRice · 04/03/2016 23:28

Though, I'm with you downstairs cunty bullshit

Flashbangandgone · 04/03/2016 23:34

Not in my book, but I didn't set the legal age of consent at 16. grin But yes, technically, if you believed the boy wanted to take you and your child on as a lifelong partner and child and you wanted that too, because you loved each other rather than being in lust with each other, it would be "OK."
I didn't think the age of consent required love Hmm

roundaboutthetown · 04/03/2016 23:39

No it doesn't, but you are breaking the law if you haven't reached it, in love or not, whereas after the age of consent, a parent's opinion can't really stop you doing what you want - hence the hate...

IcingandSlicing · 04/03/2016 23:40

I am really geting upset by some of the comments. It's worse than bellow a Daily Mail article.
Who are you people to judge?

OP I think you asked in the wrong forum. How old are the people replying to you? Most of them have children your age and above. Well, kids for them will always be kids. No matter how old they are. Sorry but I don't think you should conform to anyone's opinion that is not concerned - which is other than you or the boy in question. It is between you two.

Love is a beautiful feeling. Age really doesn't matter eventually.
As far as sex is concerned - the law regulates it. If at 16 it's legal that means that even if your parents think you should start at 30 or never, you can chose who want to and do it with.

Ask yourself what you want from a relationship, but I would say go for it if the feelings are mutual and if your child doesn't suffer because of it.

Everyone deserves to be loved.

I'll try to keep that mindset when my own children are teenagers, might be hard though.

IcingandSlicing · 04/03/2016 23:44

Honestly some comments are so nasty.
Do you know the people in person?? How can you be so nasty?
How many of you are with their first partner? How many of you have had only one partner in their lifes? Why are you so hypocritical and why should this girl respect your opinion about her?
If some of the offended commentors however are (even being from a different era), then sorry for picking on you, you holier-than-thou people.

Baconyum · 04/03/2016 23:46

Not rtft but have seen an overview of responses and ops posts.

I think you need major distance from this child. Your own friend has said it 'wouldn't be that bad' so she's still saying it's bad to your face!

It is borderline paedophilic legally and emotionally it is deeply disturbing that you're attracted to someone who looks and is much younger than you are. A 16 year old is very different in maturity to a 23 year old with a child.

How will you feel when your child is 16 if they were to date someone aged 23?

I'd be just as uncomfortable if the genders were reversed.

You don't have any more in common with him than you would many others in the world.

Don't know your relationship history but suspect you need to look at this and understand why you're interested in a relationship with someone who will have very little if any experience of sexual relationships.

If I were his mother I'd want you to stay the hell away!

BillSykesDog · 04/03/2016 23:47

Any parent has a right to be concerned if their child gets involved with someone who does not have their emotional best interests at heart. Be that child a 40 year old woman marrying a manipulative cheater or a 16 year old boy getting involved with an immature and selfish sounding young woman who only appears to be thinking about her own loins and not the appropriateness of the situation, the boys welfare or that of her child.

Just because something isn't illegal doesn't make it right.

usual · 04/03/2016 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IcingandSlicing · 04/03/2016 23:52

I'm also totally shocked by the lack of respect to a boy's feelings at all. He can decide if he's "in love" when he's 18 as someone says, so is that how you respect you own children's feelings? Telling him that he can't make decisions about his own life at that age? (If that was your son.)
Yes he will miraculously start making the right decisions once he turns 18, 21 or maybe 25 why not. (Include sarcasm).