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Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
TealLove · 04/03/2016 18:46

I think people are being harsh you are not a predator or pedophile.
I think he has a crush on you. I'd wait until he was 17.

LogicalThinking · 04/03/2016 18:47

He wants a shag and you haven't said no yet. He doesn't want to play happy families with your child.

MeadowHay · 04/03/2016 18:50

I think this young man is highly likely to fit one of two scenarios. Either 1) He thinks this is a great adventure, that he's gonna have a great sexual experience with someone older (and therefore perceived to be sexually experienced), be able to brag about it to all his friends (MILF!), and all this kind of stuff, and you're going to end up feeling very, very silly, and upset, and it will hurt your self-esteem. OR 3) He is having serious problems at home, perhaps a lack of adequate parenting and he is latching onto you almost as a replacement parent figure because he feels a bit lost with something going on in his life at the moment - and if you pursued him in this case, I think that would be a real abuse of power of him and could seriously damage him (and possibly yourself too).

Also, I'm your age OP. Well, I just turned 22, so I'm actually younger than you. I cannot even IMAGINE finding a 16 yr old even remotely attractive. I see teenagers lots of places, I have younger teenage cousins and siblings, and the gap in experiences and knowledge and interests and just everything between even me and my not-far-off 18yr old sister is huge. I was a very mature teenager and I vividly remember being 16/17/18; but despite that I am still very much different now than I was then. If you feel that your development is still so closely linked to that of a 16 yr old boy you should really be assessing why that is, because you should have moved on by now. I think therapy might do you some good, I'm not trying to sound harsh, I just think it could be really helpful for you, and then you could talk about this there in a non-judgemental environment too instead of here where understandably people are getting very upset at the idea.

NewChristian · 04/03/2016 18:53

I'm amazed that people think they know this person. I agree that 16 is too young - I think people need to be old enough to drink to be in an adult relationship.

However, the sort of men who show interest in women because they just want sex are the same at 18, 25, 35 and 45.....and so on. And some are never that way.

Brightside65 · 04/03/2016 18:54

Id steer clear, why you would be interested in someone 7 years younger than you especially at that age i don't know. Surely anyone you meet you would want to bring them round your child? Be a role model.

16 is young. I remember being in early 20's and anyone in their teens seemed really immature.

thecatfromjapan · 04/03/2016 19:09

I've had a little reflect.

Enjoy the friendship, OP. Enjoy being valued. Enjoy the freedom of your life opening out. Listen to your head - what your sensible side is telling you is right.
But it must be great to be experiencing your freedom and recognition that you are attractive.

You're still at the very beginning of your life and there is going to be a lot of love and passion ahead of you. And it's going to be better than what you're experiencing right now.

LifeofI · 04/03/2016 19:43

Morally wrong in my opinion but its your life.

LifeofI · 04/03/2016 19:51

Op in my opinion even 18 will be young, i had a 17yr old try to pursue me, he lied about his age, he looked 22-23 which i was and drove an expensive car so everything on the outside i thought he was older. After getting to know him i KNEW he was younger by his mannerism on this bases it didnt go beyond friends and i found out i was right and he was a teen.

pxmx · 04/03/2016 20:16

Op from my own experience at 16 I was dating a 25 yr old, I lied to my patents that he was 19 we were together 18 months until, I realised that he wanted to settle down & I was no where near ready. He was a very nice man but I look back on it now & feel like I lost part of my childhood to him, because I was a child. I also wonder what he saw in me ? I have always been mature for my age but I was still in school!! I now realise that there was something very wrong with the relationship & if I could take back that time in my life & change it I would.
If you care for him as you claim walk away & leave him alone in years to come he will thank you if you do.

pxmx · 04/03/2016 20:20

I would also like to add that I am now married to the love of my life that happens to be 12 yrs older than me. There is no gap between us & I will never feel that he has taken part of my life. It's not the age gap that's the problem op it's the boys age .

user7755 · 04/03/2016 20:22

Haven't read TFT but just to echo what pxmx said. It's not the age gap that is the problem, it is his age.

tealoveryum · 04/03/2016 20:24

YWBU.

He's too young OP and too immature.

The ages aside, since I dated younger than me when 20, as have many I know, he's not in the same place as you, given you have a child too. He wouldn't be able to give you a proper relationship, it would be far too heavy and intense after a time, you'd be hurt and he'd be running.

You may want to make a clean break of it, it sounds like he's wanting your attention and isn't looking to stop at the moment. If you are questioning the possibility now then his attentions will probably swing you to your way of thinking.

maybebabybee · 04/03/2016 20:29

Gross. What on earth does any 23 year old have in common with a 16 year old?! I'm 26 and I can't imagine going for anyone aged 18/19! It's just odd, sorry.

Lj8893 · 04/03/2016 20:42

Maybe, my husband was 19 and I 24 when we met. I don't think that is odd at all. But it really does depend on the maturity/situation/lifestyle of the individuals involved.

It is very very unlikely a 16 year old will be of the same maturity and lifestyle of a 23 year old with a child.

maybebabybee · 04/03/2016 20:59

We're all different, I just can't imagine having anything even vaguely in common with an 18 year old boy Confused

Janeymoo50 · 04/03/2016 21:14

What if the 16 year old was female and the older one male?

tealoveryum · 04/03/2016 21:18

Janeymoo50 It wouldn't change my view. In the case of reversing genders then I'd say to the OP 'she's not in the same place as you, given you have a child too. She wouldn't be able to give you a proper relationship, it would be far too heavy and intense after a time, you'd be hurt and she'd be running."

Lj8893 · 04/03/2016 21:49

I think that's the thing maybe when I was 24 I wouldn't have anything in common with an 18/19 year old boy either. However dh was a 19 year old man.

Like I said, it really does depend on the individual. Some 19 year olds may be incredibly mature and others may be still very childlike.

Lj8893 · 04/03/2016 21:55

However, I don't think we can really compare a 19 and a 16 year old. Massive difference in maturity, experience, lifestyle and responsibility generally.

MammaTJ · 04/03/2016 22:13

OK, continue to feel the feelings that you feel, no one has control over those, not even you, it seems.

Do continue not to act on them as doing so leads to heartache for both of you.

Him because he realised how wrong you are for him at his stage of life and you when he leaves you for someone the right age and stage of life for him.

This is me being nice!!

mother of a boy who will be 16 in just over 6 years looking at my baby and gunning for anyone who is over 18 and targeting him!

Flashbangandgone · 04/03/2016 22:14

At the risk of being controversial, I'm amazed at the complete difference between how the OP is being treated (20-something interested in 16 yo who looks 13) and Adam Johnson (20-something interested in a 15 yo).

One a vile pervert, the other 'yeah, why not, the age difference isn't so large'. Yes, of course they are different, and AJ was rightly convicted, but the dramatically stark difference in the tone of responses doesn't seem right somehow?

MammaTJ · 04/03/2016 22:15

What if the 16 year old was female and the older one male?

I would still be gunning for a 23 year old male after my 16 year old daughter, no doubt about it!

WonkoTheSane42 · 04/03/2016 22:20

Fuck's sake Flashbang, one is illegal and the other is not. One child felt exploited and one young adult is doing the running. The situations aren't comparable.

Flashbangandgone · 04/03/2016 22:28

15 or 16.... Whether they act like they seem to want it or not, it's still exploitative. Yes, there's a difference in the two cases, of course there is, and it was right that Adam Johnson was convicted (his behaviour was exploitative, sleazy and manipulative) but there's not the gaping chasm that some are presuming (ie hideous perverted behaviour versus acceptable behaviour)

Flashbangandgone · 04/03/2016 22:31

It's a bit like saying, driving at 69 mph is absolutely fine, but 71mph.... OMG - should be banned from driving for life!

Again, I say I totally condemn Adam Johnson's behaviour... My issue is that people can have such utterly contrasting attitudes over relatively small differences.