to be in love with a 16 year old

[swordandsparrow]

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him

This is why I have refused to act on any feelings

Good! And let it remain that way. He is a child.

Just for the record , I wasn't actively seeking a relationship

I didn't expect to be basically called a paedophile

But that is how some people will see it. And they'll skirt around the word far less than people here are prone to. That's the perspective you need. You need to realise that proportionally, more people will think this is all kinds of wrong than will think it's ok.

He texts me all the time asking to do something outside of college, he will wait for me outside of class and walk me to and from them, email me in class asking me to meet him during lesson .
He often asks why I won't go out with him , that age is just a number etc etc

I do know deep down that I can't go any further than just friends with him , it's just rubbish that we met each other at the wrong time

How is she a peadophile if hes 16?

He is a kid. I wouldn't even go near him when he's 18. He'll still be a kid in many ways and you'll be a 24/25 mother year old mother. If you get on well with him then what is wrong with keeping him as a mate and making sure it stays that way.
The fact your friend thought he looks 13 (some 13 yr olds are tall!) would worry me in your shoes tbh.
If I were his mother I would go nuts, even if I thought you were waiting until he was 18. I would want my son to date, enjoy college, enjoy some freedom, holidays with friends etc, not be lumbered with a mother in her mid-twenties!
I think you're either a predator or a mixed up, lonely person who's developed an unhealthy interest in this lad. It won't bode well for you.
Why not seek to date someone your own age?

It's the gulf in experience. You've had a child - which is a huge thing; you're a parent - which is massive; you've lived independently. His life experience is just narrower. It's a huge imbalance.

He doesn't sound very adult does he?
More like a child begging for sweeties and not taking no for an answer.
Sex tends to make most teenagers think with their gonads rather that their brains. Let's hope he knows how to use condoms or he could be a parent soon too.
Ask attractive secondary teachers of 23 who have similar problems with the children they teach who fancy them.

And I do wonder about your throwing the 'my mate thinks he looks 13 ' out there.

Judging by your last post, I think he sees you as a bit of a conquest, a tale to tell his mates after he's dtd with you. You HAVE TO BE the adult here!

I said that because she said if he didn't look so young she wouldn't think it as bad .

I think you know that it isn't great. So when he keeps asking you, I think you - as the adult and older one - need to set it out straight to him:

• that the times are wrong.
• you are in different stages of life.
• he is still a child in so many ways and you are an adult.
• maybe when he is older, over 18y and he is still interested you will consider it as a possible option

If you have waited 8 months he was only just 16 or perhaps 15 when this started. I would be livid if you were sniffing around my son.

As a rule if you are claiming child benefit you don't shag someone whose parents are claiming it.

+1 ShmooBooMoo

Strictly speaking, he is still a child and you are the adult - please behave like one and don't use his behaviour as an excuse for your own actions.

You know, I did my PGCE experience with a woman who flirted with the children in the class. Some of the boys told me they thought she was'peak'. It was grim.
As a previous poster said, you need to step away and be the adult here.

Ds is now 25 and I can categorically say that at 16 he'd have loved you, in fact at that age he was gagging for it

I remember the time, at 17, he was in Saturday morning detention at School. On his way out he asked me if X phoned I was to tell her he was playing in a golf tournament? X was a 25yr old woman he'd met in a club and he'd spun her one heck of a tale.

If you think we are harsh how would you expect his parents to react? It is borderline he is a child unable to commit fully to society. He can't drink, rent, smoke. If my DS brought you home you would be out by the scruff of your neck sorry, age is a number but i think the fact the child is 16 and you have a kid is a big no no. Hes after sex nothing more, you aren't going to get a serious commited relationship from him. Hes not going to be a dad to your kid. I think you got to grow up and take responsibilities as a parent and start a relationship with someone more suitable and age approiate!

But you have a child. Do you honestly believe a16yo has any intention of being saddled with someone else's kid? He's a child himself.
He's chasing you because he probably thinks you're playing hard to get. He's most likely interested in one thing and will be long gone after. Can't you see that??

I think people have taken the baby face comment unfairly and it has skewed some of the replies. I took it as OP being attracted to this boy DESPITE the baby face not because of it and an honest admittance that she could not say "16 but looks much older". I think people have ready too much and the wrong thing into it but then I am the kind of person who ceases to notice looks very quickly when I am attracted to someones personality yes I've shagged some fuglies

BUT OP it is a big age and experience difference at the ages you both are and I think you are potentially stealing some of his teenage years from him if you get into a relationship with him. You also risk getting hurt, humiliated etc. If you are going to ignore all the "leave well alone" advice you have had on here then please please, for his sake, make sure you leave an easy exit open for him and if you don't think you can do that (and to be honest, if you could, you would leave well alone period for at least a couple of years) then you should definitely back off. I think you should also be prepared for his parents despising you!

I haven't RTFT but needed to respond to ive never got along with anyone like him, we have the same sense of humour, like the same things etc

Why can't you be friends? Best friends? Clearly I'm getting old only actually early 30s because if I find someone that I get along with, have the same sense of humour, like the same things etc, my reaction is to be friends and hang out together, not looking for anything romantic.

Then, after you've been friends for a few years (and I'd urge you not to start a romantic relationship with him if he has plans of going to uni, until he has returned) and it develops into something more - great. If not, then you've still got a good mate to hang out with.

He's 16. He probably knows you like him and thinks all his Christmases have come at once.

But don't go there. It's grim.

OP it sounds like he's pursuing you in a way that will probably already have gotten people talking, especially your tutors who know full well how old you are. You need to be the adult and make it clear to him that although the age gap doesn't bother him, the fact that his parents still buy his underpants does bother you.