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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be in love with a 16 year old

554 replies

swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 12:47

Im 23 with one child whos nearly 2.
He is 16, nearly 17 but has a proper baby face and could easily pass for 13 if he wasnt so tall.
We met at college where I study as a mature student.
Am i wrong to pursue this relationship, i really like him and we get on great but my friend at college says its wrong and i am too old for him Sad

OP posts:
usual · 04/03/2016 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 04/03/2016 16:58

I'm only 26 and I can't comprehend dating a 19 year never-mind a 16 year old. Even the most mature 16 year olds are still immature compared to someone in their twenties.

Trills · 04/03/2016 17:01

I can't explain why I have a connection with him and not another person closer to my age

Maybe you should have a think about this.

And stop flirting with a 16 year old.
(and I think it's a bad idea no matter whether it's an older man or an older woman, or if it's two men or two women)

MiscellaneousAssortment · 04/03/2016 17:02

Yes like ican I'm wondering why you feel that connection and what you'd be getting out of it. You do sound young in the way you post and I'm wondering if you want to go back to that age, or enjoy feeling that young for a while when you're with him. Trouble is you have a child and aren't a teenager anymore

NewChristian · 04/03/2016 17:02

How horrible for people to describe the OP as a 'desperate single mother' I'm sick of this kind of misogyny.

That said, it does sound like he might not be right for you for at least a few years when he's had a chance to mature a bit. Even though there are not many actual years between 16 and 23, the difference in maturity is vast. I would say that the best thing is to be friends with him and see how it pans out in the future.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 04/03/2016 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 04/03/2016 17:11

NewChristian it was me who used the phrase 'desperate single mother' and you've taken it completely out of context there. I said that he might be thinking she's an easy shag because he sees her as a desperate single mother.

Signed, single mother.

Crispbutty · 04/03/2016 17:16

my partner is 13 years younger than me, but if I had been 29 and him 16 I wouldnt have been interested. He was 31 when we got together, so the age gap doesnt have any bearing at all on our relationship.

BirthdayBetty · 04/03/2016 17:20

The age gap in itself isn't the problem, I'm 8 years older than my DP, but he was 30 when we met.
The problem is he is 16, I doubt his parents will be happy about it.

whattimewillyoubeback · 04/03/2016 17:22

I would be very upset if my 16 year old son started seeing a 23 year old with a baby. I would just hate it. Sorry.

OTheHugeManatee · 04/03/2016 17:26

The creepy gap rule of thumb is your partner should be at least half your age plus seven years. That for you would be minimum 18. An eight year age gap when one of you is a teenager? No. Wrong.

NewChristian · 04/03/2016 17:28

Lilac - but why do you assume that he thinks that about the OP? Do you know him? The idea is perpetuated generally I find. So I didn't mean my comment to be specifically aimed at you - it's a general thing that people say.

AdrenalineFudge · 04/03/2016 17:29

This isn't real. Yabu.

Hulababy · 04/03/2016 17:34

Age gap - fine in general

But when one is only 16y and the other is a few years older - just doesn't feel right to me. I'd be extremely concerned if DD, when 16y, brought home a 23yo boyfriend.

I think when he is 18y it will seem less of a big deal. The older he gets the more the age gap becomes less of a problem.

Hulababy · 04/03/2016 17:35

At 23y I am not sure I would have had much in common with a 16y tbh.

VelvetCushion · 04/03/2016 17:36

Please stay away from this young man/child.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/03/2016 17:39

7yrs younger isnt a lot as you get older but at the moment it is a lot as he is just 16 and still a child

stay as friends and see what happens in the future, when he is 18

if it is meant to be it will

Libitina · 04/03/2016 17:40

My Aunts husband is 11 years younger than her. They are blissfully happy. However, he was in his late 30's when they got together.
I would just stay friends until he is older. The maturity of a 16 year old is far different to that of a 23 year old.

rosebudyblue · 04/03/2016 17:43

Op think of it this way. Can you see your self sleeping with someone who looks 13? If the answer is yes then its worrying. Please leave him alone.

Pinkheart5915 · 04/03/2016 17:45

I have nothing against age gaps there is 10 years between me and my husband.

But at 16 he is a bit young for you to date, he has not long stopped being a child in the eyes of the law. To date some body who has a child with some body else already is a lot to ask a 16 year old boy to do.

I would leave it tbh

MeMySonAndl · 04/03/2016 17:49

16 and 23 is NOT the same as 30 and 36. He is practically a child with not much experience of life or living independently. You, on the other hand, are an adult with kids, who I suppose has already enjoyed being young and covered some ground.

I think that pursuing this is wrong. This is a time when he should be enjoying his new freedom, his friends and not having children any serious responsibilities. How do you expect him to behave if you end up in a relationship? Like people your age? Like a father to your children? Or would you be happy to join his group of possibly fun seeker teenagers?

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 17:55

I'm going to start by saying , a lot of the comments on this have really upset me .
From basically saying I'm grooming him to the I'm a desperate single mother to the just taking the blatant piss.
I know it's a big gap for our ages and we are both at a different stage in our life, this is why I have not acted on my feelings for him despite him admitting the feelings are mutual and it's what he wants .
I came on here to get a bit of perspective , I understand it might get some people's backs up but I didn't expect to receive the vitriol that I did .

OP posts:
FigMango1 · 04/03/2016 17:58

But what did you expect when you came on here by telling lots of people who have children the same age as that boy that you are 'in love' with him. You have a child yourself! Do you really think a 16yo can result in any long term relationship especially with someone else's child? You can't be that naive. Anyway it's very wrong, you should look closer to your age and older.

Sparklingbrook · 04/03/2016 18:00

What replies did you want?

And after reading the replies you have what are you going to do?

Original poster
swordandsparrow · 04/03/2016 18:00

Well a lot of people also came on and said it worked for them so it obviously depends on each individual's situations

OP posts:
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