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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shoes off house rule

840 replies

BettyBi0 · 02/03/2016 16:11

So we have a shoes off rule in our house. Mainly because of the grubby London streets and dog poo everywhere locally plus a floor licking toddler.

Every time my parents visit I have to ask them to take their shoes off. EVERY Fing TIME! They act like its such a massive imposition.

AIBU or would you just shut up and put up?

OP posts:
Gabilan · 05/03/2016 20:23

Agreed, Dowager. I'm shoes off, but only ever insisted when in a studio flat. People went into a hallway, then straight into my bedroom/ living room. Otherwise I just prefer shoes off. At other people's houses, I'm guided by what they do.

StripeyDeckchair · 05/03/2016 21:04

I don't go to houses where people want me to take my shoes off any more. I have poor circulation & have cold feet all the time. I never, ever walk round without shoes on, my feet get so cold it's painful.

EastMidsMummy · 05/03/2016 21:17

But how does it work, shoes on people - today, it's been raining and muddy, I'm wearing boots. I certainly don't want to wear them the entire day at home as well. So do you have a special indoor pair of shoes to change into in this case, and why not just wear slippers then, more comfortable. Or do you simply keep the boots on until you go to bed?

I'm a shoes on person. But that doesn't mean I must never ever take my shoes off indoors. (I am sitting here now in my socks.)

It just means taking off shoes is not a rule, for me or for a visitor, as soon as they get into my house. Of course, if I have just walked through a pile of mud, I won't tramp muddy footsteps through the house. But on the vast majority of days, when I just got out of my car and walked a dozen footsteps to my front door, it's fine to keep my shoes on indoors.

Mrscog · 05/03/2016 23:26

Um, can I ask a question - what is the etiquette if you go somewhere which is all hard floors except one room? I wouldn't think to take my shoes off (unless they were muddy or something) if I walk into someone's tiled/laminate house but will then remove them for carpeted areas. Is this weird? Should I ask Bout taking them off whilst on flagstone floors?

At home we're shoes off for living room (carpet) but on for hard floor areas.

Argh what aminefield!

dulcefarniente · 06/03/2016 00:03

I'm shoes on but would always take muddy shoes off automatically and follow what the owners did when visiting. As I'm not used to shoes off I wouldn't automatically think to take socks and wouldn't want to wear guest slippers so would find it very uncomfortable being in bare or stockinged feet. Can't bear the thought of people's feet on my floors/carpets so would always hope guests keep their shoes on (most do) but just have to try and put it out of my mind until they go and I can clean the floors.

What do shoes off people do in the summer when people have been in the garden in bare feet? Do you ask them to wash their feet before coming in?

LaundryFairy · 06/03/2016 08:07

Growing up in Canada in the winter it would have been ridiculous to keep your massive snow boots on in someone's house. So we simply brought along a pair of shoes to slip into when visiting someone's house. For people who have a problem with friends who have a shoes off rule, could you try bringing along some 'indoor shoes' to change into which have not been out in the rain / dog poo etc.?

Pyjamaramadrama · 06/03/2016 10:22

I don't think that the garden is the same as the streets.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2016 10:36

"For people who have a problem with friends who have a shoes off rule, could you try bringing along some 'indoor shoes' to change into which have not been out in the rain / dog poo etc.?"

No, they wouldn't fit into my handbag so I'd need another bag to carry, which would be very uncomfortable. Might be easier for people who go everywhere by car.

When it snows here I take a spare pair of shoes to work and then leave them at work to change into, I wouldn't carry them every day.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2016 10:38

"today, it's been raining and muddy, I'm wearing boots. I certainly don't want to wear them the entire day at home as well."

I wear slippers at home, but I don't have those slippers with me when visiting someone else. In the winter I wear slippers that look like ankle boots so not something I can fold small to carry around with me.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2016 10:46

"I'm shoes off, but if I leave the house and forget something, I probably will dash back inside to grab it without removing them"

This is why I can't be strictly shoes off. Every other day I've put my boots on and remember I need something. I would be late for work if I took them off and then on again.

cleaty · 06/03/2016 11:12

The garden is way dirtier than my shoes will be from normal walking.

And walking around someone's house barefoot is horrible.

Berora · 06/03/2016 12:40

Ours is a 'shoes off' house and I always take my shoes off when visiting someone else, whether they ask or not. Yes, some houses have very cold floors and I hate my feet feeling cold, or wearing someone else's slippers, so I just take my own slippers if it's going to be a longer visit.

EastMidsMummy · 06/03/2016 12:45

What seems incredible about this thread is that I have only ever visited a handful of houses in my 45+ years on this earth which are "no shoes" and I have never, ever seen anyone bring their own indoor shoes or slippers to another house. It seems as odd to me as someone bringing their own crockery or furniture.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/03/2016 12:46

Bit presumptuous/rude to just automatically take your shoes off. Wouldn't it be more polite to maybe ask if they'd like you to remove your shoes?

Roussette · 06/03/2016 13:01

Well EastMids I've only visited one house ever (an Air BnB) that asked for shoes off in all the time I've lived! It is not as normal as some make out.

EastMidsMummy · 06/03/2016 13:04

Yes, there is undoubtedly a class (and possibly regional) thing going on here.

Natsku · 06/03/2016 13:20

Possibly class related in the UK, almost all my friend's homes were shoes off and they mostly middle class/lower middle class whereas the few houses that were shoes on were more on the lower end of working class and the one friend that I had that was from a rich upper-middle class family were not bothered about shoes on or off.

LiamLikesLemons · 06/03/2016 13:52

Get thyself to primark and buy thise cheapo slipper sock thingies in various sizes - they wash and dry easily.

Fwiw i hate outdoor shoes indoors

littleleftie · 06/03/2016 14:06

I admit I haven't RTFT but my vair vair posh friend who went to a world famous all galls boarding school tells me it was absolutely instilled in them that
"The first thing a laydee does when she enters a house is she takes off her shoes."

So I guess there is a class issue here?

Definitely shoes off around here as I live in dog walking territory and it is muddy and not everyone picks up after their dog.

SatsGrrrr · 06/03/2016 14:11

Possibly class related in the UK, almost all my friend's homes were shoes off and they mostly middle class/lower middle class whereas the few houses that were shoes on were more on the lower end of working class and the one friend that I had that was from a rich upper-middle class family were not bothered about shoes on or off.

Now that's completely different to my experience - the houses that are 'shoes off' have always been working class. The middle class people I know are not bothered. Don't know any upper class people

Balletgirlmum · 06/03/2016 14:15

I've thought about it some more & for me it I definatly a confidence/self esteem issue. I bought some new lovely jeans on Friday & put them in this morning. As I was trying out which top went well with them I was definatly feeling a bit grumpy & dowdy. I'm shirt & I just didn't look right. I realised that as soon as I put some shoes on it just lifted everything & I felt good about my appearance.
Slippers just wouldn't have the same effect.

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/03/2016 14:20

'"The first thing a laydee does when she enters a house is she takes off her shoes."'

Are you sure?

MitzyLeFrouf · 06/03/2016 14:21

I've been in a few 'posh' houses and no requests were made for people to de-shod.

littleleftie · 06/03/2016 14:28

Yes - quite sure. She mentioned it quite a few times Smile She had lots of sayings like that. She actually went to "finishing school" in Switzerland too! There they taught them loads of stuff about how to eat properly in public without getting pasta sauce down your front, and all that guff about how a laydee gets in and out of a car without flashing her fanny.

She was properly posh I tell ya not like me!!

Natsku · 06/03/2016 14:47

Now that's completely different to my experience - the houses that are 'shoes off' have always been working class. The middle class people I know are not bothered

Regional then? My experience was from Wiltshire and Suffolk. There were a bit more shoes on houses in Suffolk than Wiltshire - I was in a poorer town there.

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