Shoes off house rule

[BettyBi0]

So we have a shoes off rule in our house. Mainly because of the grubby London streets and dog poo everywhere locally plus a floor licking toddler.

Every time my parents visit I have to ask them to take their shoes off. EVERY Fing TIME! They act like its such a massive imposition.

AIBU or would you just shut up and put up?

I prefer shoes on but happy to adjust as necessary. It's no big deal.

If you go still further back, people would have had outside toilets. Keeping putting your shoes on and off every time you needed a pee. My grandma had outside toilet, shared with several other families. And strictly shoes off house - you don't want to bring whatever is on that toilet floor into your bedroom.

so it's only polite to take shoes off

If your host wants you to of course. But equally I think, making a point of taking your shoes off when your host doesn't want you too, is rude.

We had a tussle with someone once at bday party who insisted on taking shoes off, She was almost verging on rude about it. I happily declared " on no we are shoes on here, and we are all fine and fitting fit!" We just wanted her to come in, and then into the garden to retrieve her child, there was a queue of parents.

I think however a lot of time it manifests itself as a power tool, this is MY house, You will remove your shoes in my domain, and sometimes this can extend to other odd rules in house that guests may unwittingly break.

I must admit when friends come round I

1. trust they would remove their shoes if they felt it necessary eg wet they are responsible grown ups (and only once did someone EVER walk mud into our house, in 30 + years of hosting people AND EVEN THEN we survived).

2. when friends ,family come round the last thing I am thinking about is their shoes.

Rude to ask guests to remove shoes - would you ask them to remove their skirt or trousers in case they had sat on an unclean bus or tube seat on the way to your pristine home? Maybe get them to slip into a set of surgical scrubs?

I find hard flooring really uncomfortable (and often cold) without slippers or shoes - I'm a bit more forgiving if there are thick carpets throughout! Especially rude if you as the host are sitting there in your cosy slippers and your guests are freezing in whatever socks or tights they happened to have on that day.

For those who are concerned about precious crawling DCs - do you also keep them away from playgrounds where children (shock horror) have climbed on the equipment wearing their outdoor shoes?

This really is one of the most interesting topics debated on mumsnet. For the sheer polarisation of the response. There is very little middle group on this one - you are team shoes off or shoes on.

One thing that's clear is that there is no point in trying to 'win' this debate with logic. It's not a logical thing, it's deeply ingrained cultural (and I include class within this) based behaviour and each side has been brought up to believe their way is unquestionably the 'right' and polite thing to do. And are horrified to see this questioned.

A guess it's a reminder that a lot of our tenets around manners are relative rather than absolute. I know that's obvious, but this debate really brings it home to me.

But how does it work, shoes on people - today, it's been raining and muddy, I'm wearing boots. I certainly don't want to wear them the entire day at home as well. So do you have a special indoor pair of shoes to change into in this case, and why not just wear slippers then, more comfortable. Or do you simply keep the boots on until you go to bed?

I rarely wear boots but if they got muddy is pop them off & put a different pair of shoes on.

It is interesting - I think it's not just cultural but also down to what people find personally uncomfortable or distasteful. For me in middle age (!) it really does border on painful to walk on hard floors in bare/stockinged feet now.

I also can't STAND the feeling of walking on a dirty floor with bare feet and having bits sticking to the soles of your feet and between your toes I always wear something on my feet at home, slippers or flip flops usually.

If I'm wearing hefty outdoor boots I'll usually change them for slippers as soon as I get in for comfort - but as it's my house I have the option to choose from my range of preferred footwear. Guests coming to the house don't have that option so I would never expect them to do that.

Katharina I'm a shoes on person but not at home, I wear slippers or flip flops in the summer But if I have visitors they keep their shoes on having a cuppa or whatever. (if they want to of course)

However us shoes on people aren't entirely inflexible. If the weather is crap I take my muddy shoes off when visiting someone, I'm not deliberately going to walk mud through their house!

"It's not a logical thing, it's deeply ingrained cultural (and I include class within this) based behaviour and each side has been brought up to believe their way is unquestionably the 'right' and polite thing to do. And are horrified to see this questioned."

Obviously not though if it's someone's own parents that want to keep their shoes on...

I'm a shoes on in someone else's house person, putting shoes on is part of getting dressed to go out, so it feels like someone is asking me to strip off before I come in.

As for dirt, I have dog walking shoes and running shoes...they're the only ones that would ever actually be dirty and I wouldn't be turning up to someone's house in them.

In fact most of my shoes have been on my drive, in my car and up someone else's drive.

I used to be a shoes-off person. When I started wearing shoes indoors, I stopped getting chilblains in winter, so that's a good enough reason for me!

I've tried to RTFT, but after 500+ posts I gave up, never will be able to catch up at this rate!

Very interesting for me, because first I also expected 90% of course people should take their shoes off in the house! So was amazed at the number of people voting for shoes on. But then I started thinking. I come from a country of shoes strictly off where you live(in schools a change into indoor only shoes is compulsory!), BUT most of the population lives in apartments, not houses, and they are never ever cold, floors are usually wooden with rugs, and the average temperature in apartments in winter is over 25C. And in 29 years of living in my home country I only once came across a pair of smelly feet, and we had friends visiting most days.
Oh yeah, shoes off policy is not because of religion/culture, it's primarily due to the climate and streets often getting properly dirty, esp.in winter the outdoor shoe rack would need to have a tray underneath to catch all the dirt and drips.

Can the fact that you don't wear enclosed footwear for most of the day have something to do with not normally getting smelly feet? Also, socks which are not at least 80% cotton were not available (except running socks etc), I think polyamide socks plus faux plasticky leather are the culprits when it comes to foot odour.

My DH is British, and his family were always shoes off in the house. Which I of course didn't question, until the first time I visited I realised I couldn't survive there without several pairs of thick woollen socks at least, they never had heating on and had hard flooring downstairs.

I never could understand carpeting all over downstairs, just seems too high maintenance, so we always had hard floors, but because houses are noticeably colder than in my country of origin, I do wear indoor Uggs in the house in the winter, and in the summer it's sandals. Though I kick them off for at least half of the time, and walk around in socks or barefoot in the summer or if the living room if it gets really hot with the fire going.

Everyone who comes to our house, either automatically starts taking shoes off, or asks - but actually nowadays I say no need, keep them on! But nearly no one ever traipsed in their outdoor shoes upstairs, most people take them off before going up, unless it's really dry summer. We actually have hard flooring upstairs except in the extension bit, but the stairs are carpeted with sisal which seems to work as some kind of shoe brush, cleaning the soles of people's shoes perfectly but itself near impossible to clean off.

We do have efficient for shoe wiping coir matting in the porch, but not everyone visiting makes use of it.

Basically, I think most people who call their households "shoes off" mean no outdoor shoes, but no one would mind if you brought your own (if you hate the idea of guest shoes/slippers, also common in my home country) clean indoor footwear! Which is a perfect solution for any party, you either do jump from the car to the door in the clean party shoes, or you just change into nice clean dressy up shoes, I can't imagine any shoes off household not letting you do that, unless they have precious wooden floors and you are wearing metal heeled stilettos!

At home we take muddy boots off etc but don't bother with lighter weight shoes if it's dry out. We normally wear crocs in the house. I wouldn't ask visitors to take theirs off but we only have carpets upstairs so they would need to bring something else with them to put on (wood floors plus scratchy seagrass).

When we visit we go with other people's rules of course. One point younger people forget is that you have to provide somewhere by the door for people to sit to change their shoes - older people particularly probably can't balance on one leg while changing shoes, or easily get up from sitting on the floor!

Actually Laurie, we're a sort of middle-ground family.
We all take our shoes off automatically and expect all visiting children to do the same (and they always do - does seem to be installed in most children from a young age) BUT we never ask or expect older relatives to do it.
They don't do it in their own home or probably in most of their friends homes, so we don't make them feel uncomfortable by insisting they do it at ours.

I keep two pairs in the hallway as a hint. But don't ask people to take their shoes off. Even when visitors ask, I let them choose what they are comfortable with, I'm fine either ways. You are being more rude to your guests more by making them take off their shoes rather than them spoiling your floor or carpets.

But how does it work, shoes on people - today, it's been raining and muddy, I'm wearing boots........do you simply keep the boots on until you go to bed?

No, they wear their muddy welly boots to bed obviously.

Most shoes on people will wear socks or slippers at home for comfort, but we don't feel the need to change into them the second we cross the threshold. Visitors keep shoes on because they are not staying and to me it is horribly informal to see someone to whom I am not close without their shoes on. More friend type visitors who come to get comfy, shoes off for comfort if they choose and of course before putting them up on furniture (other than a designated footstool). Easy.
I ha e had my trainers on all day today at home as we are packing up boxes to move and the risk of stepping on something hard or sharp is too great to go about in socks, and slippers tend to come off when moving about purposefully.

Agree Jessie. I go and stay with my gf who moved miles away. When I'm there for the whole weekend, I take slippers or walk around in socks because that's what I do at home.

However, I'm out tonight at a friend's for dinner. I have high heels on and I won't be taking them off nor will the hosts or the other two couples. We'll all be shoed all night. Men stood around having a beer in their socks is really rather unattractive.

How on earth do you shoes off people cope with bare feet when you have people round in the summer?

Nope, I wear shoes at home.

This really is one of the most interesting topics debated on mumsnet. For the sheer polarisation of the response. There is very little middle group on this one - you are team shoes off or shoes on.

Nope, as Green and Usual say, there's plenty of middle ground on this thread.

We're shoes-off, and I offer to take my shoes off when I visit others.

I would just never expect - let alone ask - guests coming to us to take their shoes off.

There's quite a few of us on this thread

The only people polarising it are those who insist and demand their guests do it.

Katharina - I expect shoes-on people probably play it by ear!

I don't think they're religiously tied to their shoes on inside, and will take them of if the situation demands it.

I mean, I'm shoes off, but if I leave the house and forget something, I probably will dash back inside to grab it without removing them. And live to see another day. :)

Yeah as so many people here have said that feet are either intimate, or disgusting smelly things, wouldn't really surprise me if some people wore their shoes to bed as well..