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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shoes off house rule

840 replies

BettyBi0 · 02/03/2016 16:11

So we have a shoes off rule in our house. Mainly because of the grubby London streets and dog poo everywhere locally plus a floor licking toddler.

Every time my parents visit I have to ask them to take their shoes off. EVERY Fing TIME! They act like its such a massive imposition.

AIBU or would you just shut up and put up?

OP posts:
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 03/03/2016 08:56

my brother has this rule, we don't as it's all flooring downstairs that's regularly cleaned and no floor licking toddler. However if I had expensive carpets like him I probably would. Anyway his wife's parents don't like taking theirs off. So, they give them the shoe cover things doctors and surgeons etc wear in surgery, the blue scrub ones 😂

TheDowagerCuntess · 03/03/2016 09:00

Oh man, that ^^ is desperate. 😂

Natsku · 03/03/2016 09:01

Oh and when my dad visits I make sure there's a chair in the porch or hallway for him to sit on to take off his shoes as he find its hard to bend down. I am prepared for every eventuality except someone actually refusing to take their shoes off, think I'd just be gobsmacked and stare at them.

cleaty · 03/03/2016 09:02

If you have problems with your feet as I do, wearing shoes is much more comfortable.

maybebabybee · 03/03/2016 09:07

I don't see why there's always so much angst about this issue tbh. I don't enforce a no shoes rule in my house but if I go to someone else's house and the rule is no shoes indoors I don't find it offensive or a massive inconvenience to remove my shoes. Doesn't matter if I'm a guest or not, it's still their house and if I don't like it then I don't go round...big deal.

I have friends who hate cats. I have two. I'm not shutting them away so if they can't deal with them being in the same room they just don't come.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/03/2016 09:09

I love these threads. Such polarised opinions!

My Dad absolutely hates people not wearing shoes in the house. HATES it. Not even that happy if we go around in socked feet. But at our house, we generally take shoes off. We have wooden floors with a few rugs, and carpets in the bedroom; Dad has carpets everywhere except the kitchen. This may influence our choices. It makes it a bit tricky when we go to stay at his in the UK because my boys are both in the habit of removing shoes as soon as they enter the house; but we're mostly there in colder weather, so they'll have socks on anyway

In Russia, it's rude to keep your outer shoes on in the house, but they supply soft slippers for you to put on. In Japan, it's rude to keep shoes on inside the house. Probably in many other cultures too!

I just find it easier to get the shoes off the kids at the door, then they're less likely to put them on the furniture.

cleaty · 03/03/2016 09:09

It causes angst because those with a no shoes rule can't understand how uncomfortable and unhappy it makes some people to be in someone else's house barefoot or in socks.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/03/2016 09:16

cleaty I think the difficulties are being slightly exaggerated though. I mean as long as there is a chair.... MIL is blind and physically disabled enough that she cannot walk more than a few steps unaided and yet she wouldn't dream of wearing shoes indoors anywhere. Each to their own I reckon.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/03/2016 09:19

Dad's issues with people's bare feet is "foot grease". Obviously people's skin does have a very slight amount of moisture (some more than others) and he doesn't like this being transferred to the carpets. Somehow, that's worse for him than the possibility of dirt and dogpoo - but then he does have mats for wiping shoes both outside (coir) and inside the doors, so he believes most external dirt will be removed.

maybebabybee · 03/03/2016 09:27

It causes angst because those with a no shoes rule can't understand how uncomfortable and unhappy it makes some people to be in someone else's house barefoot or in socks

Fine but then just don't go, surely?

It's like my cat issue. I am not going to shut my cats in another room as this is their home. If people don't want to be around them then they just don't come round. I don't really care one way or the other.

cleaty · 03/03/2016 09:27

Young Girl - I think it is how uncomfortable people feel. I can take my shoes off easily. But my feet feel more comfortable in shoes. I actually find this an issue sometimes in bed at night.

Others hate not having shoes on or being barefoot. My father is the type who dresses properly and he would feel half naked in someone else's house in socks.

LadyB49 · 03/03/2016 09:32

Give and take. Everyone has their own little different quirks.

I don't ask for shoes off. My dh keeps shoes on. I usually change to slippers for comfort.
If I was asked to take off shoes in another home I'd do it without a second thought.

Frostycake · 03/03/2016 09:33

Hmm. I always assume that shoes off houses will also have serviettes and lounges and settees and they eat sweet instead of pudding. It's all a bit laboured delicacy. I do it, but I judge people.

This

I went to visit a colleague recently up North and was asked to remove my shoes at the door. They had a toddler and a dog running around plus a workman doing various things. That was a lunch with a sweet, serviettes and settees. So I spent a couple of hours barefoot whilst eating lunch, with freezing feet.

I was offered manky old slippers from a basket by the door when I arrived but declined. I don't want somebody else's foot fungus or verruca.

Does anyone know when this practice started? Surely nobody has cream carpets anymore? They went out in the 90s.

Can you imagine going to No 10 Downing Street and being asked to remove your shoes at the door Grin

Aworldofmyown · 03/03/2016 09:36

I have never had anyone come around and not offer to take their shoes off.

Its a bit beyond me why you would take your coat off but not your shoes.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 03/03/2016 09:38

I guess that's it cleaty - being barefoot has never really worried me (unless the floor is dirty!) it is definitely a cultural (and possibly a class) thing.

I only know a couple of veh posh people and they both have houses so filthy that you would WANT to keep your shoes on indoors! I remember slipping on old dog puke there

KeyserSophie · 03/03/2016 09:38

I live in Asia where shoes off inside is very much the norm (partly hygeine, partly apartment living). Even, say, the guy who comes to mend the dishwasher would remove his shoes and do it in socked feet.
Exceptions are made for parties (adults, not kids) and you'd take your cue from the hosts.

I wouldnt ask someone to take their shoes off, but nor would I need to, IYSWIM.

londonrach · 03/03/2016 09:46

As someone who home visits i have always taken my shoes off apart from once (vvvvvvv dirty house with straw on the floor..dont ask a whole other story) as i view it as normal polite behaviour. We have a no shoe rule at my house, pil, sis and in fact anybody i know. Id struggle to think of anyone who leaves shoes on.

MarvellousCake · 03/03/2016 09:52

Hmm. I always assume that shoes off houses will also have serviettes and lounges and settees and they eat sweet instead of pudding. It's all a bit laboured delicacy. I do it, but I judge people.

^ This is nonsense, in my experience. Shoes off is just normal^.
It is a recent-ish change though. When I was growing up, we were shoes-on until some time in the late 80's. The only people we knew at that time who were shoes-off were continental Europeans.

MarvellousCake · 03/03/2016 09:55

And I'm not sure it's class related either, though I don't know anyone particularly upper-class. Downing St (whoever mentioned that) is different, as it is more akin to a work-place or will be a formal event where shoes-off would not be expected. If I were to hold a big party or (shudder) dinner party, I wouldn't expect shoes-off.

hejsvejs · 03/03/2016 09:56

Shoes off! Always.

stitch10yearson · 03/03/2016 09:57

I would never bother visiting a person who made me undress before I was allowed into their precious house.

Sparklingbrook · 03/03/2016 09:58

'Undress' Grin Hardly.

SatsGrrrr · 03/03/2016 10:02

I haven't ever been asked to take my shoes off when visiting friends. And I'm in my 60s, so that's a long time of not being told to take my shoes off. It just doesn't happen.

I think it is a very recent thing in the UK along with blitzing everything in site with anti-bacterial spray and an obsession of not letting your child get dirty.
I know someone who has a white carpet in their 11 year old boys room. White.....11 year old boy.....Why, just why? Confused. The poor thing is frightened to move, in his own home, in case he infects it with the dreaded dirt Shock

Out of interest, those of you with floor licking toddlers - do you never let them on the grass if you are in a park or out in the countryside?

Agadooo · 03/03/2016 10:02

I think yabu-I ask kids n their friends to take off their shoes but would never ask the adults-would rather they felt comfortable in my house.

ZedWoman · 03/03/2016 10:09

Out of interest, those of you with floor licking toddlers - do you never let them on the grass if you are in a park or out in the countryside?

To be honest, with DS I didn't. He was a late walker, and from the moment he could crawl he would literally put everything in his mouth. In the garden I would sit him on a picnic blanket and he would immediately crawl off and start finding things to eat - feathers, dead leaves, stones, twigs etc. It was a phase that only lasted a few months, but during that time it was a nightmare. I would never have let him 'play' on the floor in a play area which had bark chippings on the ground.

DD was totally different. She just didn't have the need to put things in her mouth.

At the DCs' nursery, the baby and toddler areas (the whole of upstairs) were strictly no shoes. They provided shoe covers if necessary.