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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

369 replies

mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:26

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet Shock that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' Hmm.
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

OP posts:
OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 15:02

However, if DD decided to chuck her job and just do her studying she would be able to contribute nothing and would you still allow her to stay at home or put her out? Either way you will have less cash. If she wasn't in the house would you save £50 a week in the utilities she uses and food she eats? If so, then if she moves out then you are no better or worse off so it should be no skin off your nose. you can't let out a bed in a shared box room to anyone else either.

I suggest some compromised is needed here tbh. Maybe you need to find a way to stop relying on your students daughters part time earnings. You can't downsize and save rent if she moves out as she is only sharing a room you will need to keep for your other child to sleep in.

Poverty does bring harsh realities OP, I'm not trying to get at you, but I can see why your DD is disgruntled and I can also see why you believe she shouldn't be as you need the income.

kirinm · 02/03/2016 15:05

Pyjama - that's right but allowing your 21yr old to spend £600 a month on rubbish teaches nothing. I mean, the fact she's 21 and working should make this a non issue in my opinion.

kirinm · 02/03/2016 15:06

Diddl - how many places offer a room, all bills and food for £50?

JizzyStradlin · 02/03/2016 15:06

It rather sounds like there's a better deal available in the next bedroom along ouryve. That's the problem.

peggyundercrackers · 02/03/2016 15:07

That would be all well and good if OP could afford it. But she has stated, quite clearly that she cannot.

what is OP going to do when all her kids move out if they cant afford to live in their house now? their bills wont go down that much...

diddl · 02/03/2016 15:10

"Diddl - how many places offer a room, all bills and food for £50?"

Only parents I should imagine!

Perhaps what I should have put is that she sounds to be getting a rough deal overall.

She's at college full time, works at the weekends but is expected to pay more than someone who is in the house more & therefore using more utilities for example?

Plus she hasn'teven got a room of her own to go to whenever she wants.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 15:11

but she's not working though is she kirinm technically she is studying but is giving up her weekends to work to earn extra money. I'm not saying she shouldn't contribute but the way the OP is laying it out is that, she herself could do some limited work but doesn't, her OP works Part time and no reason has been given for that. Another adult child is on JSA, another student child has some special needs although we don't know if those prevent them from working and one child is still in school. there may be another child in college but not sure.

Why is this family relying on the students part time income? yes she should cover her costs as much as possible or move out. But neither of these makes an overall difference to the household income and OP hasn't said how much p/w the DD is costing.

Pinkheart5915 · 02/03/2016 15:11

I think £50 per week is totally fine.

She may not be home a lot but when she is she uses electic, gas, water, internet I would assume. Plus council tax etc will have to be paid on the house so as the £50 includes this I think it is fine.

Life is not free and 21 is a good age for her to realise this. I think as her parents it is up to you to ensure she knows you can not live for free.

Kidnapped · 02/03/2016 15:15

"Life is not free".

It is for her siblings, though.

The OP is offering a room, all bills and food for £0 for her siblings. And if the OP's daughter packed her job in, she'd get the same deal as her siblings.

That is the issue.

kirinm · 02/03/2016 15:15

I do understand that she's a student and I also know it feels mean. I felt mean doing it when I started charging my son because he wasn't earning a huge amount to start with but circumstances gave me little option. And when those circumstances changed it was normal and I ended up increasing his rent.

In my opinion, she's old enough to and has the money to pay £50 so she should pay it. I'd probably also charge her son something as a token payment to make sure he learns that things cost too.

kirinm · 02/03/2016 15:16

Kidnapped - the other siblings aren't 21. That's quite an important point. She's an adult.

Viviennemary · 02/03/2016 15:17

I think it is a bit unfair I'm afraid. She is a student after all and not really a working adult. And your DS isn't working does he pay anything towards the household expenses. It is difficult to work out what a fair contribution would be. But if you can't afford to keep her without the money then she'll have to pay it or move out. There isn't really an alternative. Tell her to move in with your Mum.

emwithme · 02/03/2016 15:22

So both your offspring who have income (whether earned in the case of your DD or benefits in the case of your DS) pay around 1/3 of this to you for board? That's totally fair (IMO).

Pinkheart5915 · 02/03/2016 15:26

Kidnapped.
I understand about life being free for siblings but the op doesn't state how old the siblings are so I am assuming they are younger?

21 years old is an adult and it is old enough to learn to pay rent. If she was to move out it would a lot more than £50 with all bills in

DinosaursRoar · 02/03/2016 15:26

I think your child on JSA should be charged most of it - your dd is in full time education plus working on top of that, how much "time off" does she get? I would think she sees it as unfair if having restricted hours she can work (round her course) she's even able to find work but her db hasn't and isn't much worse off that her.

How much longer does she have left on her course if she's already 21? Just to the summer? In that case you haven't got long and perhaps need to think if you are providing her with space to study for that money in what is going to be a stressful last few months. She's in a much tougher environment than most students.

dinkystinky · 02/03/2016 15:27

It sounds a lot for a shared box room - especially if the child on JSA isn't contributing. I would reduce her contribution and up the JSA child's contribution (assuming they too share a room) so they both pay the same proportion of what they get (be it wages/JSA) as rent for utilities, food and bed.

ratspeaker · 02/03/2016 15:30

Dinky if you read the thread the OP has stated her child on JSA is contributing.

stinkysnowbear · 02/03/2016 15:31

I think you are being very unreasonable. You are asking her to pay > a third of her monthly income to share a small room and it sounds like she is subsidising the family, despite working AND studying f/t, as your DH isn't working many hours and you have one on JSA.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 02/03/2016 15:33

I think it's a bit unfair tbh.

It doesn't matter if she is a student and only works weekends it's still paid work.

Regardless if she wastes her own money it's hers to do that with and shouldn't be a factor in working out how much rent she should have to pay.

I think she would probally do best moving in with her nan. £200 a month for half a box room is grim.

ratspeaker · 02/03/2016 15:33

It seems a fair deal to me as its not just rent but heat, light, internet, council tax, presumably tv, the use ofthe landline, food, bet there is laundry included if not done for her but all the detergent etc will be there.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/03/2016 15:36

I think it's quite high. She's primarily a student. My parents wouldn't have charged me anything.

HermioneJeanGranger · 02/03/2016 15:38

Is it at all possible to get her her own space? I think if she had her own room, most people wouldn't question the £50, but paying to share a tiny space with a younger sibling must sting.

kirinm · 02/03/2016 15:39

Maybe she also understands that her mum needs her help and although she's bitching about it, she has no intention or desire to leave.

RudeElf · 02/03/2016 15:40

I dont think it should be based on her income! It should be based on what she actually costs to keep so if that is £50 a week then fair enough but its a joke to then only take £20 from the other adult child, especially when he is probably using more electric and food by being at home all day. If it is costing £50 for them to be there then it should be £50 each. My rent doesnt increase when i earn more, hers shouldnt be based on income but actual cost. £50 sounds steep to me but i am not near gatwick. A room in a shared house here is £150-£250pcm.

momb · 02/03/2016 15:40

OP: lots of people seem to be saying different things here but from your posts:
DD (21) is a full time student earning £600 pcm, paying you £50 pw (approx. 1/3 income).
DS is on JSA getting £57.35 pw, paying you £20 pw (approx. 1/3 income.
Another sibling in 6th form with no job.
Another sibling in 6th form with SN preventing part time work.
All siblings share a room (you said 3-bed house).
I'm struggling to see how any of this is unfair or unreasonable. In fact you need the money to keep the house running but even if you didn't, a third of income from earning children over 18 for bed and board is completely reasonable.
Your DD is having a moan, but in her heart she doesn't think it's unreasonable either or she'd have said something directly to you. My only thought: as she's 21 is she doing her finals this year? Does she feel that she wants to cut down on working hours but feels she can't because it will be too had to manage? That's the only thing I can think of that she could possibly be worrying about.