dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

[mrsfuzzy]

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' .
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

I think it's OK to charge a young adult a nominal amount to get them accustomed to managing bills but this young woman sounds like a hard worker who is being penalized for her work ethic in comparison to the rest of the family.

As others have said she is subsidizing the household, by a high percentage of her earnings. What would the parents do if she moved out? They need to sort that out and figure out how to live within their means or increase their income to meet their obligations.

If the daughter moved out I imagine the op would be out of pocket. The op would still have to pay the mortgage, the utilities, the bills wouldn't go down so technically the daughter is subsidising the family when nobody else even has a job.

I'm all for everyone chipping in when times are hard but why can't the dad do more hours? The mum do a few hours and the son get a job?

kirin what will her mum do if she moves out? An adult who is working or at college all day is not going to use that much electric/gas/interne so what is she going to if her dd moves out?

If her dd rent means that much to her I'd at least be looking at getting her in a better/bigger room.

YANBU to ask for a contribution from adult children. But it's not fair that she should pay and your DS, who is equally able to work and contribute but is on JSA, pays nothing.

I think to make it fair you should take 30% of your DS' JSA in rent as well. Otherwise not only are you teaching your DS that if he dosses about he doesn't have to chip in, you are also drumming home to your DD the lesson that industry gets you penalised while being unemployed means you get away scot free.

£10 a week from your DS, £50 a week from your DD. That favours your DD, as it takes a higher proportion of his money, but that should convey the right message to your DD and incentivise your DS to get a job

pajama my thoughts too.

I was chatting to a SW, who deals with teens. He asked me how much my DD pays in rent. ATM she does but will at 18 the same as her sister did, it will be 15% of net income.

SW friend said his teens handover 50% of this JSA to their foster parents at his suggestion as they need to understand the value of money.

Op how much does your dc on JSA contribute?

Tell you DD if she wants to, look on spare room.com and see how much renting a box room will cost as in my area a box room with bills but not food comes in at £300-£350 per month that's a room 8ft by 6ft

Momb as I see it she is a young lady living in a household that is very overcrowded, nobody works properly, Yet she's taken it on herself to study and work.

Oh - I misunderstood, thought the DS' JSA was £20/wk (seemed low, but he is young, what do I know?). But the DS is paying £20/wk from his JSA towards his keep then?

That seems proportionate if both are paying about a third of their income to the family. Though I'd be tempted to charge the DS a higher proportion of his 'income', to incentivise him to get a job.

You need to work out what it costs for her to be there. So electric, food, i'm not sure how council tax works, is it charged per person in the house? If so then her portion. Water- is it a bill of usage or a fixed monthly price? Internet if she uses above what is in your monthly allowance. Anything that wouldnt reduce if she moved out she shouldnt be charged for. Maybe a tenner for a shared box room on top of what she actually costs to keep.

If it was my dd, with those earnings, i would probably charge £150 per month. I currently charge £200 per month to my 19yo, but she is earning over £800 per month, probably nearer £900 as her hours were increased. She does have her own room though.

I would also charge the person on JSA. JSA is a benefit designed to pay living expenses and not much else.

Ivykaty she is only getting half a box room.

Well if it costs £50 pw to keep her, & that's what Op needs the money for, surely it costs the same to keep the one on JSA?

So by that token shouldn't they pay the same?

The one on JSA will be more expensive, diddl. He'll be in the house a lot more, eating and using electricity etc.

The daughter is either out at college, working or whinging at her nan's.

It probably costs more to keep someone who is at home all day than it is to keep someone who isn't...

Sorry, xposted

Yes, he gets the house to himself at times so should def be paying a premium for that!

He might be more expensive - which is an unkind thing to say anyway - but he doesn't have the money his older sister has, does he?

I don't really understand why people think charging someone who earns money is a bad thing. I'm assuming all of your grown up kids live with you for free?

OP it sounds as though your finances are a mess. If you require your daughters money to maintain the house you need some financial advice.
She is a full time student, and her part time job probably means she doesn't ask you for money. Her educational success will benefit the whole family.
Reduce the amount to 100 per month and get the one on job allowance to pony up as well.
OP you need to plan ahead, you can't live of your young adult children.

"but he doesn't have the money his older sister has, does he?"

No, but he does have £50 a week...

But kirinm, his sister got herself a job on top of HE, it sounds like she is being penalised for working hard

I think ex is right. It's about the reality of life, rather than being hard on her. And she's 21, not 16, so certainly not a child who needs to be given spends. Cost of living sucks as we all know, but that isn't OP's fault

Yes, he gets the house to himself at times so should def be paying a premium for that! Whilst as I posted earlier, I think he should be paying £50 a week too, I doubt he ever gets the house to himself as no bugger other than DD is working/fully occupied with study...

1. All families are different.
2. Life isn't fair.

In my household, my parents let me stay rent free under the condition that I stayed either in university full-time OR in university part-time with a part-time job. But my older brother, who dropped out of high school, can stay rent-free so long as he has any sort of job. That being said, my parents are not in any financial duress.

I have plenty of friends who, from the age of 16, were expected to contribute to their family's household income whether they live there or not. My current room mate, who is 26 and living with me in China, sends most of his paycheck home to his mom.

I was STUPID with my money at 21. A complete slobbering idiot. I've got myself together now, but it took being homeless for a week to get to that point. OP says her daughter isn't being smart with her money, so maybe there can be a compromise made. Maybe, say, so long as she doesn't do things like spend 20 on a milkshake bet, then you can reduce her rent to 30 a week. Or maybe say that you're going to continue the 50 per week fee, but will put half of it aside to help her save up for a deposit on her own apartment? Or if she is complaining about space, maybe put the non-rent-payers together in a room and let her have a room to herself? Ultimately, OP, it's YOUR house and YOUR rules. You're not being unreasonable.

I'm going to phone the bank, council, Eon and our local supermarket and tell them I'm not paying anymore as I feel it's unfair and we're being penalised for working hard so I deserve everything to be free

Never heard such a load bollocks! She is 21! At that age my parents had a mortgage and 2 kids. I was renting my own place with dh at that age.

I actually think that not working/working part time and instead relying on your DDs part time earned income while she is also studying is unreasonable.

In order to decide otherwise we would need more info such as how much is the DD costing the OP, how many children there actually are and why no-one is working or is working part time.

I don't think it's wrong to contribute to family finances, I've done it myself and my children are still in school so not been an issue yet for them but i probably will charge them something and definitely would if I needed to, but I'd also not be doing that while I had an option to earn more myself. I also wouldn't expect one to pay while the other one didn't.