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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

369 replies

mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:26

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet Shock that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' Hmm.
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

OP posts:
Technoremix · 02/03/2016 14:06

I think it's unfair you charge her and not her sibling on jobseekers. I would not personally charge any of my children to stay in their home ( how much would you have to pay for hall fees if she went away to uni?!) But I think you have to treat all children fairly. So you charge both or neither.

Aeroflotgirl · 02/03/2016 14:06

I think its very good, for roof, food, bills. She would be paying a lot more for that if she were to rent a room privately.

araiba · 02/03/2016 14:06

i didnt pay anything whilst in full time education

£50 seems a lot for a shared box room

if you need cash, why isnt anyone else contributing?

Jw35 · 02/03/2016 14:07

I think it's totally fair and the one in JSA should pay a 3rd of his money too.

AwakeCantSleep · 02/03/2016 14:08

I just think that for one child who is making an effort and working as well as studying to be picked on as the only contributor it's not fair. I get the impression from the OP that there are 4 children with only one at school. the other two should be contributing including the one on job seekers. Getting the job you want can be difficult, getting a job should be perfectly possible. the DD is earning more than him just at the weekend - why can't he do the same?

I agree. Indeed, why can't the husband pick up some extra work? He is only working 26 hours per week.

It is unfair for your daughter to be the only contributor. She is studying full time as well as working. What about your sons?

And what will you do if she ever moves out? You will have to up your household income independently of your daughter.

squoosh · 02/03/2016 14:08

It does seem odd that the child on JSA isn't even being asked for a token amount.

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 02/03/2016 14:11

I think son on job seekers should have to give an equal proportion of his money. So in this case a third of his job seekers.

Im 25 now and in my house it was pay 1/4 as rent, save 1/4, and spend 1/2. Mom got the idea from a magazine that suggested the best money lesson you could teach a young adult was 1/3 as rent, save 1/3 and spend 1/3.

RubbleBubble00 · 02/03/2016 14:12

Seems fair if your charging dc on job seekers. Is she mature enough to be sat down with family finances and explain tell financial situation?

AwakeCantSleep · 02/03/2016 14:12

Oh, and the son who is on jobseekers should hand most of it over to you, for full board/household bills. If he was renting a small flat somewhere he'd be expected to pay for gas, electricity, any other bills and his food out of his jobseekers allowance.

Penfold007 · 02/03/2016 14:13

OP are you also taking 1/3 rd of your DS's JSA?

thelittleredhen · 02/03/2016 14:16

I think 1/3 of income is fair. She is 21, and at that age I had been living out of home for 4 years and had my own house (rented) and full time job to pay for it.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/03/2016 14:17

£50 pw is more than fair.

She still has £400 pm disposable income which is probably more than she'll have at anytime in her future life unless she becomes a high earner. It sounds like it's a lot more than anyone else in the household has too.

Agree that the DS on JSA should be paying about £20 pw too.

molyholy · 02/03/2016 14:20

It's fair if you also take 33% of your sons JSA income and as a pp said, if the other college aged child gets a job and gives you 33% of their income.

To charge one, due to the fact she has a job, seems unfair.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 14:21

If you reduce DD's contribution to a quarter and take a quarter from son on JSA then you will still have the £200 but they will be more equal. then insist that the other college child gets part time employment and contributes too and then you are up, get DH to find more hours and do some yourself ( you said you are limited not that you can't) and then there is no issue and if DD doesn't like that then she is free to move out and you wont be in difficulty if she does.

I know skilled full time employment is hard to find but most people without any medical issues can find something and a lot of people with medical issues can find something though albeit not as easily.

peggyundercrackers · 02/03/2016 14:23

I think its too much for a room share.

JizzyStradlin · 02/03/2016 14:24

I can see why she feels sorry for herself, tbh. It's all very well for posters to be comparing it to the open market, but that's not what she'll be doing. She'll be looking at her sibling paying nada. Of course that's what she's going to consider the pertinent comparison, and she's not entirely wrong to do so. Plus she'll probably have friends either paying nothing, or paying similar for more.

With that said, if you need £50 a week from her in order to keep her OP then you need it. Not much more to be said, is there?

squoosh · 02/03/2016 14:25

j.s.a pays £20 p.w, 1 dc i college, [under 16 ]. one dc is in college [18] with special needs.

If your son only gets £20 pw/ on JSA I'd take a fiver from him, £40 from her and that makes it more fair and square.

lazyarse123 · 02/03/2016 14:25

I think you are doing the right thing op, we are in a similar financial situation and my eldest daughter is moving out soon but is still willing to give me £50 a month when she leaves as she knows the situation we are in, at the moment she pays £200. She had a part time job whilst at uni and has always contributed fully. Not a selfish bone in her body. It may help to itemise for your daughter just what she is contributing towards. eg; bed, washing, clean home, heating, showers,food etc.

JizzyStradlin · 02/03/2016 14:25

Would you say £50 a week is more, less or about the same as what she costs you OP?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 02/03/2016 14:29

Do you mean the child on jsa pays £20 a week to you?

Clutterbugsmum · 02/03/2016 14:30

I'd suggest you show her this to look for a room to rent. And remind her that all the home comforts she get now food and bills will be on top of what she is paying now.

She's 21 she is old enough to understand that it is expensive to run a home and she should help out or leave.

AugustaFinkNottle · 02/03/2016 14:30

I think it's a bit much for a shared box room, particularly given that she's out of the house so much at college or working. In practice I assume she isn't actually on full board if she's at college full time and working 7-8 hours a day at weekends? It does also seem wrong that in effect she's being penalised for going out and getting a job - if she just took JSA you would be charging her much less.

Pyjamaramadrama · 02/03/2016 14:30

So you have 5 children in a 3 bed house?

Why does your dh only work 26 hours a week? Does your child on jsa pay you any rent?

On the face of it she hasn't had the best example set to her yet she's out working as well as full time education.

I'd be reluctant to charge her so much and if I did I'd be saving it for her future.

HermioneJeanGranger · 02/03/2016 14:30

Why aren't you taking any of your son's JSA? That's massively unfair. All adults should be contributing.

And why is your husband on limited hours? Is he disabled or studying or something? He should be working full-time if possible.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 14:31

Sorry, think I missed a post. Your son on JSA is paying £20 a week OP?

If so, then I guess that is a third too roughly. And your 18 year old has Special needs? That can be a big range, is the need something that would prevent them working?

Is there any reason your OH can't work more hours at a 2nd job if not at his main one?