Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

369 replies

mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:26

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet Shock that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' Hmm.
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

OP posts:
OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 13:48

Whilst I don't think it's unreasonable for her to chip in since she is earning, I think 33% of her income is a bit much. Why is she the only one being asked to do this? is it because she has made an effort to get a job and the rest haven't?

Topseyt · 02/03/2016 13:50

Cross posted. Yes, it is fair.

She is learning the rather painful lesson that nothing in life is free, and money doesn't grow on trees.

Let her whinge if she wants to. Ignore her.

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:50

thanks poppy am signing off now, thanks for replies, many people on mumsnet are going to have to face this scenario one day, it's not easy.

OP posts:
Orda1 · 02/03/2016 13:52

What are you charging the on on benefits?

OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 13:52

That is the % we paid as soon as we started to work. It is/was the usual % paid, it is/was similar to the % of income spent on rent (outside London). So it is good training.

That and if OPs household needs the cash and DD wants to remain in that household then, at 21, she has all the usual adult responsibilities... including paying her way.

expatinscotland · 02/03/2016 13:52

They cannot afford to keep her for less, One. The other kid is on JSA. If he were mine, I'd have him pay up, too. Couldn't afford to keep two adults for free or £30/week. That would mean not being able to move to a one-bed flat for cheaper rent. It's nice that so many on MN have the means to keep adult children for free, but a lot of people don't.

SuperLoveFuzz · 02/03/2016 13:53

I was with you until you said she's the only one who pays. So because she works on top of full time college, she has to pay? But the other child at full time college who doesn't work doesn't have to? Unless I've missed something I really think that's unfair!

notagiraffe · 02/03/2016 13:53

OP YANBU for loads of reasons.

She's 21. It will help her understand the cost of adult living and budget properly, so she stops betting on milkshakes for £20!

It must cost you £50 a week to keep her. You're not profiting from her sharing a box room. You're probably just about covering your costs: her share of overheads, utilities, food, laundry bills etc. She needs to realise this, and that all adults in the household chip in. In return. I'd treat her like an adult and allow her some say on household decisions. I'd also expect the one on JSA to contribute as much as they can.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 13:54

...and whilst you might be taken aback by the £20 bet, it's money she has earned and she will learn.

anyoldname76 · 02/03/2016 13:54

i think a third of her wages is quite a lot, do you get any help from tax credits or anything for her with her still being in full time education?

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:54

bananas last note to you -we live near gatwick, house is mortgaged.

OP posts:
Redroses11 · 02/03/2016 13:55

How many kids in total? Is she one of the two in college? How much does the other one pay? How much does the ds on jsa pay?

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:55

any no tax credits, she's 21.

OP posts:
FigMango1 · 02/03/2016 13:57

Yanbu, it's a shame that at her age of a 21 year old adult she can't think for herself to pay her own way a bit. How selfish of her to be complaining to her Gm about it.

imnotalpharius · 02/03/2016 13:58

How much do you charge the school on job seekers?

Redroses11 · 02/03/2016 13:58

Also - do you contribute anything to her college fees/books/transport? Or is her part-time job funding all that?

MardyGrave · 02/03/2016 14:00

I think it's totally unfair that she is the only one paying, it's a punishment for having a good worth ethic.

If you took £50 out of your sons jsa and pushed for your other child to get a part time job then at least it would be fair. To be honest though this couldnt have come as a surprise to you.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 14:02

I grew up in a working class family and had to tip up when I was working from age 16. I paid £40 a month out of my £200. I bought my first flat at 18 so was living independently so I am not sitting here as some rich person looking down. I just think that for one child who is making an effort and working as well as studying to be picked on as the only contributor it's not fair. I get the impression from the OP that there are 4 children with only one at school. the other two should be contributing including the one on job seekers. Getting the job you want can be difficult, getting a job should be perfectly possible. the DD is earning more than him just at the weekend - why can't he do the same?

Jw35 · 02/03/2016 14:02

Personally I'd take a 3rd of a grown child's income for living at home after the age of 18 so it sounds fine to me

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 02/03/2016 14:02

ds pays £25 (token amount. really) and he earns more than your dd

he shat a BRICK over it

I'm going to show him this thread

OP if your household is skint it's perfectly reasonable for your dd to pay this amount imo

PerryHatter · 02/03/2016 14:03

It seems a lot. It's a third of her income that she clearly works hard for. I'd reduce the amount you want to pay and take a token amount from your DS on JSA. Even if that's £10 a week and she pays £40.

Topseyt · 02/03/2016 14:04

Perhaps the one on JSA could pay something. That would give the appearance of being fairer to your DD.

I won't be able to afford to keep adult DCs home for free. We are not a wealthy family. Budgets are tight here too, although we aren't below the poverty line. We will help them out where we can, but once out of education and hopefully starting to earn regularly, then the DCs will have to contribute financially.

Zariyah · 02/03/2016 14:04

£50 per week for food, toiletries and all other amenities even if you do have to share a room is a bloody steal.

Original poster
mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 14:05

came back -dd - all food, bills and internet for £50 pw .j.s.a pays £20 p.w, 1 dc i college, [under 16 ]. one dc is in college [18] with special needs.

OP posts:
ManneryTowers · 02/03/2016 14:05

No that's fair for full board. Leaves her £400 disposable. She'll be hard pressed to find anywhere else to live on that.