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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd [21] objects to £50 pw rent

369 replies

mrsfuzzy · 02/03/2016 13:26

title says it all, low-ish income house hold. dh reduced hours [26 per wk], i have medical problems so limited for work, ds on j.s.a, two in college, one in school. ddhi college full time, but works 14 -16 hours at weekends, takes home about £600 pm. self inflicted debt, wastes money on stupid things i.e £20 bet Shock that her mate would throw up after chugging a milk shake, dd lost 'but it was a laugh' Hmm.
now she has told dm that she is 'paying £50 a week to share a box room with her dsis [3 bed house] and it's not fair because she's not at home much ! dm has just me this on the land line dd uses [dropped her phone - broken].
aibu, considering we cannot do with any reduction in income.

OP posts:
PennyHasNoSurname · 02/03/2016 14:32

Personally I feel she should be asked to match the jsa child.

She is studying (good on her!), and working (good on her!), yet her jsa layabout sibling is getting a better deal.

Floralnomad · 02/03/2016 14:32

In your daughters position I can see where she sees it as unfair , the brother on JSA presumably uses as much elec / gas / water / internet and only has to pay £20 and the others that are over 16 pay nothing , I reckon they all pay the same or it's always going to be perceived as unfair and favouritism . Your daughter has taken the initiative to get a job and is being penalised for it .

madein1995 · 02/03/2016 14:34

I was all for saying yes she should pay until I read she was in FT education and only working part time. I don't think 50 a week is fair considering the above. If she moved out she'd be paying more, but would presumably finish college to get a full time job. If anything I think 20 pw is fair, but I wouldn't be asking for it unless you really need it.

squoosh · 02/03/2016 14:34

As we don't know anything else about her son aside from the fact he's on JSA I think it's unfair to call him a 'layabout'.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 02/03/2016 14:34

Not at all unfair for her to be contributing, but seems rather a lot for a shared box room at 21.

What amount do you take out of your sons JSA? Because it seems very unreasonable to take from her just because she's the one that's got a job.

If you are so short of money that you need to be charging her that much, why isn't your H picking up more hours, either where he is or elsewhere? You say his hours were reduced. Well, that's not his fault. But it's not her's either, and she shouldn't be paying the difference in his employment rates.

Pyjamaramadrama · 02/03/2016 14:35

Also living with your parents isn't comparable to going it alone especially when sharing a box room and being the only one working.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 14:35

A better incentive for JSA boy, who will be quite frankly costing you more than DD if he is about the house all day, would be to also take £50 a week and leave him with pocket money. If you want to live a child's life then you live with a child's budget.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/03/2016 14:38

Except when we were sitting as a country during massive unemployment, there is no reason that a young able adult should be on JSA for anything other than the short term. Even if he found something earning not much more than JSA he should still be doing it. It might not be his dream job but when you need the money, you need it.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 02/03/2016 14:38

Maybe, as the one paying the most, she shouldn't be in the boxroom? Apologies if your circumstances dictate this is the only option.

How much is JSA? How hard is that one looking for a job? How old are they?

I think you should be quite proud of your DD (daft milkshake bets notwithstanding); studying and working is not easy.

Gobbolino6 · 02/03/2016 14:42

It is a lot if she's still in HI, but it sounds unavoidable. I think you must charge your DS who is on JSA something proportional too or it's unfair.

Redroses11 · 02/03/2016 14:43

I'd also be afraid that she'll ditch college in favour of a full time job if living at home becomes intolerable.

Fanfeck · 02/03/2016 14:44

I agree with taking the most from JSA and leave him with pocket money if things are that tight.

Dont penalise her for getting off her arse, especially not for a shared box room.

Pyjamaramadrama · 02/03/2016 14:46

Personally I'd charge jsa boy all his jsa. After all jsa is really only for essentials to get by i.e rent, food. The dd on the other hand is working to support herself through HE.

AndNowItsSeven · 02/03/2016 14:46

If she is at college and you are on a low income you still receive tax credits and CB for her so no you can't then take more money from her.

salsamad · 02/03/2016 14:48

Surely the OP will be receiving child benefit and child tax credits for the remaining children who are in school/college (and possibly DLA for the DC with special needs) - they are paid till the August after your child's 18th birthday if they are continuing in education/training and even longer in certain cases for children who stay in college/training til they are 19. If you are receiving benefits for a young person then I don't think you should also expect them to pay for board. In the case of of the older DC I think it's reasonable to ask for 25% of whatever they earn/receive - if they work longer hours and earn more, then they pay more. My DS is 18yrs and in full time college, he has worked PT since he was 15, he pays for his own car ins (£1,300 last year), clothes, tech, music, gaming, going out etc, but I wouldn't expect him to pay any board.

kirinm · 02/03/2016 14:48

I charged my 19 year old son £325pcm for a room. He chose not to eat with us. He moaned a bit but he's now paying £600pcm after choosing to move out. He's coincidentally stopped buying takeaways now, too.

AndNowItsSeven · 02/03/2016 14:49

Sorry op thought she was 18 ignore the tax credit CB comment.

JizzyStradlin · 02/03/2016 14:50

She's 21 andnowitsseven. No CB or CTC for her. It would be useful to know how old the other children are, and how many there are of them because I can't tell if there are 4 or 5.

kirinm · 02/03/2016 14:51

How is it a lot? She has £400 per month to spend on whatever she likes after rent and food. I have that after spending my salary on rent, student loan fees and bills.

I know it feels uncomfortable to charge them at first but it's perfectly okay and it really does help them understand that things cost.

OurBlanche · 02/03/2016 14:51

That would be all well and good if OP could afford it. But she has stated, quite clearly that she cannot.

At that point every earner chips in... or they lose their home, maybe! That is the reality for many, it was for us. And a straight 30% for any earnings is, as far as I know, quite a usual amount.

It isn't the same as making a generous parenting choice, it becomes more about paying the bills and surviving.

Pyjamaramadrama · 02/03/2016 14:54

I disagree that charging your dc rent teaches them budgeting.

Budgeting skills are a life skill not learnt by giving your parents a token payment to keep you.

diddl · 02/03/2016 14:55

I think that it's a lot for what she's getting!

ouryve · 02/03/2016 14:55

Invite her to find a better deal elsewhere.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 02/03/2016 15:01

I think £50 a week for full board and lodgings at the age of 21 is fine.

Floralnomad · 02/03/2016 15:01

pyjama , totally agree , same way as people who dont do chores are still capable of keeping a house clean when they need to .