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Original poster

To go on this trip without DD?

166 replies

Glitterspy · 02/03/2016 11:03

Our family unit is me, DH, DD (just turned 3) and DS (12 weeks).

Here's our dilemma. My husband works in a consultancy/sales role for a big US tech firm. Having had a good year, he's being 'rewarded' with an all-expenses 5-day trip to a holiday location on the east cost of the US, with some other people from the company from around the world (we live in the UK). The trip is at the end of next month, dates non-negotiable.

The company don't allow children to go on these jollies, it's supposed to be adults only/bonding/relaxing sort of thing, but out of necessity do allow babies (it's a bit of a grey area), so the scenario we're presented with is either:

  • DH, DS and I go on the trip, leaving DD at home with loving and familiar G'Parents (however at 3yo she's stayed with them solo only a handful of times, and we were back by the time she woke the next morning, or at worst later the following day)
  • DH goes with a colleague from work, the rest of us stay home

I am totally torn. Cons: I feel horribly guilty about the prospect of going and leaving DD, and it's a long way should anything untoward happen to any of us. Pros: it would be a super trip, after 2 kids in 3 years DH and I really need some couple time (which we'd get as DS is a very easy baby), DD'd certainly live to tell the tale, and I kind of think I deserve a reward from DH's company too, after picking up the slack all year while he worked his arse off.

Vipers, please tell me what to do. Or flame me for being a selfish unfit mother who cares more about pina coladas than her own child

OP posts:
NisekoWhistler · 02/03/2016 13:31

Go!! On these "presidents trips" as they're called, there is no expense spared. You will have a wonderful time and deserve a break.

Enjoy

middlings · 02/03/2016 13:37

But the three year old WILL be having fun!

When I was 9 my parents brought me away for three weeks leaving my DSis (6) and DB (3) at home with a CHILDMINDER!!! Funnily enough, we all survived. And DB and DSis didn't (and don't) mind at all.

Squoosh did the Victorians really have baby farms?! Who knew!!??

CamboricumMinor · 02/03/2016 13:45

No, don't go -but if you do then either take both children or neither. DD is getting used to having a brother and not being the centre of your attention and then you are proposing to go off on a holiday and leave her behind.

Runningupthathill82 · 02/03/2016 13:50

My children are the same ages and I'd go without question. Enjoy!

AmysTiara · 02/03/2016 13:50

Go go go. dd will have a great time getting spoilt by her ggrandparents.

LoveBoursin · 02/03/2016 13:51

Leaving her behing bonding with her grandparents and have a whale of a time, in a way she couldn't do if her db was there.

If I was asking my two dcs what they would prefer, I know what they would say. And it wouldn't be staying with mummy.

diddl · 02/03/2016 13:53

I couldn't do it.

I'd rather save & have a family holiday in the future.

ScrambledSmegs · 02/03/2016 13:54

I sort of did something like this while 6 months pregnant with DC2 - DH and I went to a wedding in California while DC1 (2 1/2yo) stayed with my parents.

On the face of it all great. DD was with loving GPs, had an absolute blast and was thoroughly spoilt (they took her to the Olympics ffs!). However, jet lag and missing my child turned me into an absolute mess, and I spent half the time crying because I missed her so desperately. Not ideal.

This is NOT to tell you not to go. This is to tell you that if you go you cannot be half-hearted about it. Make sure that you throw yourself into it and know that everyone should (and will) be having a great time. My biggest regret about that trip is that I didn't sort myself out and have a good time. Everyone else did!

MLGs · 02/03/2016 13:56

I would leave them both with GPs unless DS is ebf (sorry not read every single post).

Much less excluding for DD, and you will get the break you need. Can't see how it would be a break if you took the baby.

UpWithPup · 02/03/2016 13:57

GO!

By the time your DD is 5 she wont even remember it.

grannytomine · 02/03/2016 13:58

I wouldn't worry about leaving the 3 year old with grandparents, I'm sure she will be fine. I wouldn't be so keen on taking the baby, it hardly seems worth the hassle for 5 days and I would worry that the time change, change to routine etc might turn an easy baby into a not so easy baby. I might be negatively influenced as one of mine was ill at around the age your little one will be at the time of the trip and we had an awful time trying to re-establish a routine, particularly bed time, so I am probably be over cautious. If you go don't feel guilty about the 3 year old as I am sure she will have a great time.

1frenchfoodie · 02/03/2016 14:05

Go, relax, have fun as will DD at GPs.

PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 02/03/2016 14:13

Go and have a fab time.

If its like our incentive trips then it will be a pretty relaxed schedule - some sightseeing, dinners and a fair amount of time at leisure with some optional trips. There are normally only 2 of the dinners that are compulsory, the welcome one and the gala night but other than that you can normally do as you please. The organisers and hosts are normally fairly laid back if you have to miss something too.

SatsGrrrr · 02/03/2016 14:20

If your 3 year old gets wind that you are all going on holiday without her, she may get very upset (and remember it for a very long time) Sad

I would either leave both your DC with GP or not go at all.

Fanfeck · 02/03/2016 14:23

Go go go!

Runningupthathill82 · 02/03/2016 14:27

DH and I went away for five days without DS (3) when I was pregnant with DD, leaving him with grandparents.
Obviously not all children are the same, but he LOVED it. Basically because he was spoiled rotten.
He played out in their huge garden (ours is tiny), was treated to trips out, had ice cream every day...and then had presents from us when we got home. He wasn't remotely impressed when we then took him home.

achildsjoy · 02/03/2016 14:30

I would go.

Oly5 · 02/03/2016 14:37

Go! Your DD will be lovingly cared for (and won't remember this even if she does shed a tear) and you'll have a fantastic time! I would go, no hesitation.
Think about when your DD is 20 - is she really going to be cross you left her with grandparents when she was 3??
I think you'd be nuts to miss such a great opportunity.
I'd tell DD that you are going to work with daddy on a trip and you'll bring her back something extra-special. And plan a fun day/weekend/trip for her when you get back.
Asking grandparents to stay at yours is a good idea if they're willing.

Oly5 · 02/03/2016 14:38

ps babies are so portable, I wouldn't worry about taking your youngest on the trip. I've flown loads of times with babies!

Gobbolino6 · 02/03/2016 14:39

Go!

ClarenceTheLion · 02/03/2016 14:46

GO!! She's too young to know what she's missing, she's 3 not 13. Keep it low key around her. And buy her something nice while you're there.

To give up an all expenses paid holiday to sit home and be po-faced about not splitting up your dc's would be crazy! It's only five days and her GPs will spoil her to bits.

But they will get older, so it might be an idea for your DH to raise the issue with the company (after the holiday, you don't want to jeopardize that!) It's not very family friendly.

stinanordenstram · 02/03/2016 14:49

Another vote for Go!

Your DD will have fun with GPs. Granted, she will miss you and you will miss her - but she will not remember it.

To be honest, I would not feel so sure about doing this with a child older than 3. This is your last chance!

Spandexpants007 · 02/03/2016 14:50

Go and treat her to two or three small events

Abraid2 · 02/03/2016 14:53

I have never regretted the two short holidays I took with my husband, leaving both children at home. They had fun and it was good for our relationship. One day your children will have left home, but your husband hopefully won't have. Wink

Abraid2 · 02/03/2016 15:01

By contrast, we just left our daughter, 17, home alone for 5.5 days. Now that was leveraged emotionally by her such that she extracted: cash sums from each of us, unbeknown to the other, some new clothes, a fridge full of nice food and drink, a sleepover at our house, a film out with friends, a night a friend's house, tickets to a festival in the summer ...

It would have been cheaper to take her with us, but we couldn't because we were offered the free accommodation in term time only and badly needed a break after a very tough time.

Every time I baulked at the requests, she said, 'But you're leaving me alone!' in a heartbreaking little voice.

Alone, aged 17, with a car full of petrol, in a safe home with lovely neighbours and school most days and friends on hand to entertain her.

I thought the little minx would threaten to report us to Social services or someone, assuming they regard 17 as still being a child.