To go on this trip without DD?

[Glitterspy]

Our family unit is me, DH, DD (just turned 3) and DS (12 weeks).

Here's our dilemma. My husband works in a consultancy/sales role for a big US tech firm. Having had a good year, he's being 'rewarded' with an all-expenses 5-day trip to a holiday location on the east cost of the US, with some other people from the company from around the world (we live in the UK). The trip is at the end of next month, dates non-negotiable.

The company don't allow children to go on these jollies, it's supposed to be adults only/bonding/relaxing sort of thing, but out of necessity do allow babies (it's a bit of a grey area), so the scenario we're presented with is either:

• DH, DS and I go on the trip, leaving DD at home with loving and familiar G'Parents (however at 3yo she's stayed with them solo only a handful of times, and we were back by the time she woke the next morning, or at worst later the following day)
• DH goes with a colleague from work, the rest of us stay home

I am totally torn. Cons: I feel horribly guilty about the prospect of going and leaving DD, and it's a long way should anything untoward happen to any of us. Pros: it would be a super trip, after 2 kids in 3 years DH and I really need some couple time (which we'd get as DS is a very easy baby), DD'd certainly live to tell the tale, and I kind of think I deserve a reward from DH's company too, after picking up the slack all year while he worked his arse off.

Vipers, please tell me what to do. Or flame me for being a selfish unfit mother who cares more about pina coladas than her own child

I agree that you can't compare a 5 day fun fest at Granny's house to life at a boarding school.

I would go, ask grand parents to stay at yours?

Tell her the baby is too young to be left with GP whereas she is just the right age for her first big girl holiday. Take her to buy new pjs and 5 new pairs of knickers one for every day so she can count down the days. She could also have a special backpack for all her stuff.A new bedtime book and a chat with grandparents about the lovely things she will do will all help.

If you feel upset don't go a 1 off trip away isn't the same as being away full time at school its not bad to leave her but if you are really not going to enjoy it or feel guilty don't go I am sure there is other chances to go when the DC are older and you are more comfortable with the idea

I wouldn't go. I'm sure she would have a great time with Grandparents though I do think 5 days (plus more probably taking flights into account) is a big ask & you'll owe them a lot of duty free to say thank you!. But it's not like a normal holiday where you can please yourselves, it's still a work jolly and that's not quite the same. Also, we had an unfortunate experience where we had to get back to the UK very quickly, and it's a horrible experience trying to arrange emergencies flights etc should you need to get back quickly. I would just think that on balance, it's a long way away, she's still very young, hoefully there will be lots of time for this later on. I personally wouldn't think it's worth it. I'd stay with DC & save up for have a girls' holiday later :)

What shall I do with all this guilt, then? Any ideas?

Yes, leave it in Departure Lounge

Honestly OP, please go. 5 star? I'd kill for that! Beautiful hotel, no washing up, no cleaning, food prep etcetera. Plus the weather will be awesome.

It will do you the world of good.

DD will have a whale of a time with her grandparents, and they will enjoy the time with her. If she was older I'd understand your concern more but she's young enough to just enjoy the holiday with GP's.

What does your DH think? DD is his daughter too; all of the guilt ( if there is any) should not be yours alone.

Do you have a real sense of the setup for the trip I.e. Whether it is 100% leisure or there are any official work events he'll have to attend?

Do you know/ like his colleagues and their partners?

Out of interest, why do you say that DD will miss you terribly - has she been upset when you've left her before? I'm not for a moment saying she won't - she's your DD and you know her best. I'm just curious.

We went to NY when DS1 was just under three, and left him with my parents. We got stranded because of the hurricane (definitely should've watched the news before we left) and DS ended up staying with them for more than a week. He had a whale of a time (I was in bits, but all that really mattered was that he was OK).

Yes - no question, no matter how much fun the GPs can offer her, DD will miss us badly, and will probably twig we're all together without her, whether for work or not

If you genuinely believe this, then I don't know why you're asking.

As an aside, as this is the norm for the company, how do the others on the trip react to babies coming along on an 'adult bonding' trip?

Go!!! The best way to deal with this kind of guilt is to go on a trip without kids, realise how lovely it is for you and dh to reconnect and how the kids are absolutely fine and then you'll never feel guilty again. Worked for me

PS That was a vote for 'go' in case it wasn't clear - as long as you're happy about the logistics.

Boarding as an 11 year old vs chez the grandparents for as a 3 year old are two very different things.

Oh God, sorry, must stop getting distracted - I meant to say that as a result of being left for several nights at a time with his grandparents, DS1 is extremely close to them. My DM once said - stop looking at it as you abandoning your child, and start thinking about it as a treat for me and DS.

Is it Florida OP? Because if its anywhere else its not going to be sunbathing weather at the end of April.

As for whether you should go - difficult one. TBH the idea of taking a 4-month-old baby on a 5-star trip seems a bit of an own goal to me. He's easy now, but things can change rapidly at this age and that romantic trip may not be quite how you imagine. But then again, would it better than staying at home? Probably, since a change is as good as a rest.

If your parents will be able to cope with your DD and make sure she has a lovely time then yes, go. You will miss her, but I've always found short trips away from my kids very refreshing.

Can you 'sell' it to her as a lovely holiday with grandparents (who will no doubt spoil her rotten'?

Go!

RumbleMum's DM has it spot on.

Everyone's getting to go on a holiday - DD to her adoring GPS who will spoil her rotten no doubt and you to sun, sand and someone else doing the cooking!

Go have a lovely time and please to goodness DS doesn't decide to do four month sleep regression while you're there .

I don't think you should go, sorry. You have said your dd will miss you, is not used to staying with gps longer than overnight and is also dealing with a recently arrived sibling who will be going.

It pisses me off at all the go! Have a great time! Comments. It's a child not a teddy bear we are discussing ffs.

loriana, she'd be staying with her adoring grandparents; she's not being packed off somewhere grim.

id go. The baby isnt big enough to have a special grandma holiday, and you and dh need to go for work :D

and its only a few days, not even a week.

It's a child not a teddy bear we are discussing ffs.

Yes. A child who'd be spending five days at her grandparents' house. Not a Victorian baby farm.

I couldn't go and leave my 3 year old behind but take their sibling.

I think that's unreasonable.

Three year olds are excluded, so you just leave them behind so the rest of the family can go and have fun